(Closed) SO is a terrible planner….

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
9526 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

i do like a plan, but i can let someone else take control (and not plan) especially when i don’t partically care about the event or people.  i agree with PP, have a cocktail, have a snack, and see what happens.

about 8 years or so ago, i traveled to israel on a group tour.  a friend also going on the trip asked if i would extend a few days and go to egypt with him.  i agreed and (stupidly) assumed he had our egypt accomodations worked out.  we are on the bus down to the israeli/egypt border and i learned that he never made hotel reservation.  i told him i would not leave israel without a place to stay.  luckily we all had rented cell phones and he was on the phone the ENTIRE bus ride finding a hotel that had open rooms that wasn’t too sleezy.


Post # 17
9104 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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stardustintheeyes:  You sound a lot like me. I hate winging it and I also hate crowds and I always want to make sure we get our money’s worth so … I plan the shit out of things. But I’m a little older now (not sure how old you are, I’m over 40). When it’s not mine to plan or something went awry and I can’t change it, I’ve learned to ask myself, “what’s the worst that can happen here?” Unless the answer is “someone could get maimed or killed” I deliberately force myself to relax (like, physically relax my tensed up muscles — it makes a big difference) and breathe, and go with the flow. In 5 years, will it matter that you had crappier seats that you could have, or that you had to go buy your own drink? I am totally with you that it’s annoying for sure, but in the big scheme, it doesn’t really matter and isn’t worth getting worked up over. So again, not saying “gawd, this is so petty!” I’m saying MY life has been more pleasant since I learned to relax myself and have fun even when things don’t go as splendidly as they surely would have if I had planned them, and maybe you could try that. Hope you have a good time!

Post # 19
1486 posts
Bumble bee

OMG your SO’s responses and lack of planning would drive me crazy!!  I HATE being lost/confused/being stuck in unnecessary crowds & lines/and being disorganized with large groups of people.  I’ve had friends in college who acted very similarly to your SO’s friends and I hated having to “herd” everyone to go anywhere/get to our destination on time.  It drove me bonkers and I never had any fun myself from all the stress.

I feel you girl ๐Ÿ™  I hope you have an awesome time at the concert regardless!! xo

Post # 20
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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stardustintheeyes:  I plan a lot of events but when it comes to my own entertainment, I wing it. As a previous poster said, what’s the worst that can happen? 

Post # 21
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Oof! H-anger (hungry anger) and anxiety due to planlessness is one of my least fave combos! I feel for you! It’s hard to always be “mom”, picking up the details and making sure things get done. Maybe you can talk to your SO sometime other than today (at least I know that -I- get flustered when I’m already stressed out and trying to explain it to someone) and let him know what didn’t work for you today and how you’d appreciate him sharing some of the planning. It may or may not work, but at least you’d get to share how you feel. Good luck bee! 

Post # 22
2330 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

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stardustintheeyes:  My DH is the same way. On our first Valentines Day he told me he had reservations at a restaurant I was dying to go to, the traffic was awful so when we realized we were going to be late, he called to let them know we were running behind. His reservations were nowhere to be found lol.

We spent an hour and a half stuck in traffic for nothing.

Needless to say, I’ve been the planner since then ha!

Post # 24
779 posts
Busy bee

So how did it all go? Lol.

Post # 25
2347 posts
Buzzing bee

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stardustintheeyes:  DH has his life completely together but is less of a planner by nature when it comes to social stuff. I used to try and control things by asking questions when I knew he had not prepared/thought of something, and offered endless suggestions about how to plan things, etc. In the end this just made him resistant and angry.

Finally, I just stopped offering my “advice” when it was totally his thing. If he has an idea for an event/movie/party/etc. I let him handle it whether or not it turns out well. When it is an event that I really deeply care about, like an anniversary or vacation, I just take the reigns. I say something like, “I’d love a weekend away– can I plan something?”, or, “I really want to go out to dinner at X tonight”, and he is always happy to go along with it.

The effect is that he is much better at planning than he used to be because he loves making me happy and he has seen first hand that with a solid plan it’s not that hard for me to be satisfied. He still sometimes drops the organizational ball but when he does I can tell he feel super awful about it (he sees us waiting for a table when we didn’t have to, or knows he could have gotten a better deal on something, etc.). Letting go a little is a win-win. 

Post # 26
6241 posts
Bee Keeper

Oh Girls! This thread is funny. Not that you’re being driven bonkers but your stories (and advice) is tops. 

Im blessed with a very ‘go to’ guy. He gets in a books things. Also he’s ex marine so I’m sure that’s got a lot to do with his packing efficiency. 

I do a lot of project management for my job so pretty organised too. 

BUT the problems happen if we jointly try and book/plan something. We both turn into a pair of doozers and just muck it all up.

“ok babe, where are the tickets?”

“I dunno, you ordered them, they came in the envelope to you”

“but I put them in your folder to bring”

“what folder”

jeez!! It’s so annoying.  

We get lost together.  All of the time. I go on instinct and memory jogging land marks. He goes all technical on grid references and compass points.  Individually we manage to get ourselves from A to B all of the time no trouble, with great competency.  Together it’s like dumber and dumber. 

Our strategy for dealing with this is clearly defining who does what.  The deal being the person in charge is in charge. The other person has to zip it if it goes wrong and avoid butting in with ‘helpful suggestions’ and generally be a supportive cheer leader. 

It works. And then we are all like “aww we can do anything together”.  twits – the pair of us.  




Post # 28
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I am glad it all worked out in the end. ๐Ÿ™‚

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