Post # 16
i do like a plan, but i can let someone else take control (and not plan) especially when i don’t partically care about the event or people. i agree with PP, have a cocktail, have a snack, and see what happens.
about 8 years or so ago, i traveled to israel on a group tour. a friend also going on the trip asked if i would extend a few days and go to egypt with him. i agreed and (stupidly) assumed he had our egypt accomodations worked out. we are on the bus down to the israeli/egypt border and i learned that he never made hotel reservation. i told him i would not leave israel without a place to stay. luckily we all had rented cell phones and he was on the phone the ENTIRE bus ride finding a hotel that had open rooms that wasn’t too sleezy.
Post # 17
stardustintheeyes: You sound a lot like me. I hate winging it and I also hate crowds and I always want to make sure we get our money’s worth so … I plan the shit out of things. But I’m a little older now (not sure how old you are, I’m over 40). When it’s not mine to plan or something went awry and I can’t change it, I’ve learned to ask myself, “what’s the worst that can happen here?” Unless the answer is “someone could get maimed or killed” I deliberately force myself to relax (like, physically relax my tensed up muscles — it makes a big difference) and breathe, and go with the flow. In 5 years, will it matter that you had crappier seats that you could have, or that you had to go buy your own drink? I am totally with you that it’s annoying for sure, but in the big scheme, it doesn’t really matter and isn’t worth getting worked up over. So again, not saying “gawd, this is so petty!” I’m saying MY life has been more pleasant since I learned to relax myself and have fun even when things don’t go as splendidly as they surely would have if I had planned them, and maybe you could try that. Hope you have a good time!
Post # 18
- Wedding: October 2019 - City, State
Gsxr06: He had this grand plan to take a party bus to a wedding we went to because it was 2 hours away and a bunch of us from our area were going. He called ONE PLACE to get a quote and booked it. I did more research and found something that was just as nice but was literally hundreds of dollars cheaper. So he sends out an email saying “stardust booked the bus. We are good to go” his friends are all “yay!” “awesome!” etc. NOT ONE PERSON ASKED HOW MUCH PER COUPLE, WHERE THE BUS WAS PICKING UP AND DROPPING OFF, I mean NOTHING. finally one of the wives emailed back asking for details and everyone was like “oh ya! ha! I guess we do need those don’t we!” really people?! well in the end, I ended up doing it all. I collectd money. Paid the company and accounted for everyone getting there and back in one piece. Not to mention making sure everyone knew the pick up\drop off points and coordinated everything from start to finish. I always end up in that role 🙁
charlie486: good thinking. I think this falls under “not so important” so i’ll just grab a beer and watch it all unfold. Who knows what we are in for! lol
mrsfiddlesticks: that totally sounds like something my SO would do to me. I don’t know how people function like that!
Post # 19
OMG your SO’s responses and lack of planning would drive me crazy!! I HATE being lost/confused/being stuck in unnecessary crowds & lines/and being disorganized with large groups of people. I’ve had friends in college who acted very similarly to your SO’s friends and I hated having to “herd” everyone to go anywhere/get to our destination on time. It drove me bonkers and I never had any fun myself from all the stress.
I feel you girl 🙁 I hope you have an awesome time at the concert regardless!! xo
Post # 20
stardustintheeyes: I plan a lot of events but when it comes to my own entertainment, I wing it. As a previous poster said, what’s the worst that can happen?
Post # 21
Oof! H-anger (hungry anger) and anxiety due to planlessness is one of my least fave combos! I feel for you! It’s hard to always be “mom”, picking up the details and making sure things get done. Maybe you can talk to your SO sometime other than today (at least I know that -I- get flustered when I’m already stressed out and trying to explain it to someone) and let him know what didn’t work for you today and how you’d appreciate him sharing some of the planning. It may or may not work, but at least you’d get to share how you feel. Good luck bee!
Post # 22
stardustintheeyes: My Darling Husband is the same way. On our first Valentines Day he told me he had reservations at a restaurant I was dying to go to, the traffic was awful so when we realized we were going to be late, he called to let them know we were running behind. His reservations were nowhere to be found lol.
We spent an hour and a half stuck in traffic for nothing.
Needless to say, I’ve been the planner since then ha!
Post # 23
- Wedding: October 2019 - City, State
Just got off the phone with SO. It’s now 1:15 pm. I am leaving work in a few minutes. He has been off all day long. He was supposed to go pick up the parking pass from his sister’s house (about 30 min away) and we established that hours ago. So I text him and this is how it went.:
me: I’m leaving at 1:45 to come home and change.
him: oh ok. Well i’ll leave now then.
me: leave for what?
him: to go get the pass
me: really…. you seriously didn’t get it yet? you have had all day!!! what were you waiting for? omg.
him: it will be fine. I’ll fly there and fly back. NO biggie. Calm ur tits.
me: my tits are not calm. not at all.
him: well i’m gonna stop at the shirt store too and see if they can make me a tshirt.
me: you realize that usually takes time right?! you are just now doing that?
him: well ya. I’m sure they will do it for me.
me: orders take at least 2 hours. I have been there before and it costs a ton extra to have it rushed.
him: well i’ll pay then. geez. i’m ready to have fun. so get your fun face on. *followed by a bunch of emojis*
Ugh. He sure does know how to make me smile even when I want to ring his neck. So he didn’t get the pass or anything and has literally done nothing yet. He still has to shower, go get the pass, try and get a shirt he wants…. etc. fml. you hear that?! FML BEES!
Post # 24
So how did it all go? Lol.
Post # 25
stardustintheeyes: Darling Husband has his life completely together but is less of a planner by nature when it comes to social stuff. I used to try and control things by asking questions when I knew he had not prepared/thought of something, and offered endless suggestions about how to plan things, etc. In the end this just made him resistant and angry.
Finally, I just stopped offering my “advice” when it was totally his thing. If he has an idea for an event/movie/party/etc. I let him handle it whether or not it turns out well. When it is an event that I really deeply care about, like an anniversary or vacation, I just take the reigns. I say something like, “I’d love a weekend away– can I plan something?”, or, “I really want to go out to dinner at X tonight”, and he is always happy to go along with it.
The effect is that he is much better at planning than he used to be because he loves making me happy and he has seen first hand that with a solid plan it’s not that hard for me to be satisfied. He still sometimes drops the organizational ball but when he does I can tell he feel super awful about it (he sees us waiting for a table when we didn’t have to, or knows he could have gotten a better deal on something, etc.). Letting go a little is a win-win.
Post # 26
Oh Girls! This thread is funny. Not that you’re being driven bonkers but your stories (and advice) is tops.
Im blessed with a very ‘go to’ guy. He gets in a books things. Also he’s ex marine so I’m sure that’s got a lot to do with his packing efficiency.
I do a lot of project management for my job so pretty organised too.
BUT the problems happen if we jointly try and book/plan something. We both turn into a pair of doozers and just muck it all up.
“ok babe, where are the tickets?”
“I dunno, you ordered them, they came in the envelope to you”
“but I put them in your folder to bring”
jeez!! It’s so annoying.
We get lost together. All of the time. I go on instinct and memory jogging land marks. He goes all technical on grid references and compass points. Individually we manage to get ourselves from A to B all of the time no trouble, with great competency. Together it’s like dumber and dumber.
Our strategy for dealing with this is clearly defining who does what. The deal being the person in charge is in charge. The other person has to zip it if it goes wrong and avoid butting in with ‘helpful suggestions’ and generally be a supportive cheer leader.
It works. And then we are all like “aww we can do anything together”. twits – the pair of us.
Post # 27
- Wedding: October 2019 - City, State
ArcadiaRose: UK-bee: the update to this is that we went. It was ….. OK. I mean we wont’ be doing that again for a show there. It sounded good in theory but it just didn’t work out how he thought it would. And that had nothing to do with his lack of planning.
Of course, everything went his way when it came to his last minute plans. Like the shirts he wanted made. He went there and they did it (and didn’t charge him extra!!!). He got two hoodies made. One in black with hot pink lettering for me and one in gray with white lettering for him. He also picked up red bull for me and had it cold waiting for me in the car along with my sweater and a 6 inch sub from subway to help satisfy the monster. We got to the area and were able to park literally a half a block away from the place we were going. Pure luck I tell you! We sat outside and had a drink while we waited for the roof top to open and when we got up there we got the best spot in the place because we were there so early. I’m telling you, the man has some luck. And he sure knows how to keep me calm and happy when he knows he threw me off. So while I still will probably get irritated at him in situations like this, I know it will all be ok because he sure does know how to handle my brand of crazy 😛
Post # 28
I am glad it all worked out in the end. 🙂