- 2 years ago
- Wedding: May 2017
I don’t think it’s necessary unless you have specific issues you want to address. Sometimes I think it hurts more than it helps.
I think it’s a great sign that your bf is willing to do it for you even though he doesn’t personally believe in it. Who knows, maybe you’ll both get something out of it, or maybe it’ll feel like a waste of time – either way, what do you have to lose? We did it with a therapist (non-religious) and it was worth it. We had good communication all along but it was still good for us. You don’t have to be a dysfunctional couple who can’t communicate to benefit from premarital counseling.
We were required to do it by our officiant and it was important to DH to use him so I sucked it up and did it. He was actually more open to it than I was which is kind of the opposite in a lot of cases lol!
While it didn’t hurt anything I felt like it was a huge waste of time. We already were living together and had for awhile and addressed pretty much everything already that the pastor brought up. Then the advice he did give us was basic common sense for the most part. We really got nothing from it but just basically smiled and nodded our way thru it.
DH and I were required to do premarital counseling to get married. DH was less than thrilled, I was intrigued and looking forward to it. It was fine. Some things were helpful, some things were dumb. I don’t attribute our 3 years of marriage to the sessions, but I don’t think it was a horrible waste of time.
Go once and feel it out. Maybe your BF is right that it’s going to be silly, maybe you are right that it will be great.
Now, if you already have a worry re: marriage to your husband, and he refuses to see a counselor over it.. THAT would worry me.
Dh and I were married in a church (though I am atheistic), so counselingwas required. Honestly? It was unnecessary and stupid and a waste of time. Oh, and for those talking about the divorce rate, we’ve been married over 20 years. I’d be eye rolling someone who wanted to go to counseling for no reason except getting married.
But like slomotion said, I’m a heathen.
If you don’t have any obvious problems why do it? If you two agree on finances, kids, values, etc. and have talked through things like, how will we spend our money? How will we raise our kids? Do we have the same values. Do we want the same lifestyle and have the same life goals? If you have talked all that through and agree than I don’t think it’s really necessary. But that’s just me. I also would never want religious counseling even though I am Christian. If I have learned anything it is that priests, ministers etc have their own opinions and biases just like any other human being. I don’t need them telling me how to live or what their interpretation of marriage and Jesus’s teachings are. I can read the Bible myself thank you very much. If I did counseling I would want a licensed theapist who has extensive schooling and knows how to help work through issues in a non judgmental way that has zero to do with religion.
Same (UK). Americans seem to suggest counselling at the drop of a hat. In the U.K. people usually only go to couples counselling if they’re considering divorce or separation in a long term relationship (usually with kids involved) as a last resort, and even then people who go are in the minority, most people just work through issues themselves or split up. I’ve never even heard of premarital counselling before, seems very unnecessary to me.