SO is anti premarital counseling

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
1594 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

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caligirl3 :  I’m not sure if you’re having a pastor marry you, or if you’re getting married in a church or not.. but some pastors/ministers, and some churches require you to have marriage counseling. Both the church and pastor that married my husband and I required it, and we both enjoyed it to our surprise. 

Post # 17
Member
2146 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I don’t think it’s necessary unless you have specific issues you want to address. Sometimes I think it hurts more than it helps.

Post # 18
Member
1074 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - -

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slomotion :  Same here. Blowjobs and food. 

Post # 19
Member
7558 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I think it’s a great sign that your bf is willing to do it for you even though he doesn’t personally believe in it. Who knows, maybe you’ll both get something out of it, or maybe it’ll feel like a waste of time – either way, what do you have to lose? We did it with a therapist (non-religious) and it was worth it. We had good communication all along but it was still good for us. You don’t have to be a dysfunctional couple who can’t communicate to benefit from premarital counseling.

Post # 20
Member
38 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2018

We were required to do it by our officiant and it was important to DH to use him so I sucked it up and did it. He was actually more open to it than I was which is kind of the opposite in a lot of cases lol!

While it didn’t hurt anything I felt like it was a huge waste of time. We already were living together and had for awhile and addressed pretty much everything already that the pastor brought up. Then the advice he did give us was basic common sense for the most part. We really got nothing from it but just basically smiled and nodded our way thru it.

Post # 21
Member
304 posts
Helper bee

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mimivac :  i wonder this too. Couples going to counselling ‘just because’ just isnt really a thing here. It seems like its quite an ‘American’ thing that i hadnt really heard of before reading these boards. Yet america still has one of highest divorce rates…

Post # 22
Member
1991 posts
Buzzing bee

DH and I were required to do premarital counseling to get married. DH was less than thrilled, I was intrigued and looking forward to it. It was fine. Some things were helpful, some things were dumb. I don’t attribute our 3 years of marriage to the sessions, but I don’t think it was a horrible waste of time.

Go once and feel it out. Maybe your BF is right that it’s going to be silly, maybe you are right that it will be great.

Post # 23
Member
9396 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

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caligirl3 :  dh and i were on board with doing it but never ended up going.  even though we’re in couples counseling now i dont regret NOT doing it–we honestly didn’t know what our problem would be at the time, I dont think it’d have been useful.  (And its not that we always had problematic behavior, which maybe a premarital counselor could’ve ‘diagnosed’ for us.  Basically we lived far away from his mother so we had no idea how problematic she’d be to our relationship–I had no idea just how bad he was at calling her out on even her most egregious behavior, nor how bad she could be.. and he had no idea it would affect our marriage so badly and frankly lacked the self-awareness to realize how bad he was or remember how bad she is.  We moved to the city she lives in and the problem suddenly became clear.)

Now, if you already have a worry re: marriage to your husband, and he refuses to see a counselor over it.. THAT would worry me.

Post # 24
Member
7694 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

Dh and I were married in a church  (though I am atheistic), so counselingwas required. Honestly? It was unnecessary and stupid and a waste of time. Oh, and for those talking about the divorce rate, we’ve been married over 20 years. I’d be eye rolling someone who wanted to go to counseling for no reason except getting married. 

But like slomotion said, I’m a heathen. 

Post # 25
Member
1642 posts
Bumble bee

If you don’t have any obvious problems why do it? If you two agree on finances, kids, values, etc. and have talked through things like, how will we spend our money? How will we raise our kids? Do we have the same values. Do we want the same lifestyle and have the same life goals? If you have talked all that through and agree than I don’t think it’s really necessary. But that’s just me. I also would never want religious counseling even though I am Christian. If I have learned anything it is that priests, ministers etc have their own opinions and biases just like any other human being. I don’t need them telling me how to live or what their interpretation of marriage and Jesus’s teachings are. I can read the Bible myself thank you very much. If I did counseling I would want a licensed theapist who has extensive schooling and knows how to help work through issues in a non judgmental way that has zero to do with religion.  

Post # 26
Member
9995 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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caligirl3 :  

Never even considered it – but it is not a thing here ( Australia).   People  only go to  counselling   when they  have actual problems basically. 

Post # 27
Member
2696 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

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pocahontas28 :  Premarital counseling has been shown to decrease the rates of divorce. 

Post # 28
Member
2574 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

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caligirl3 :  He said he would do it for you in spite of not being overly interested – that’s good enough. I would book the session. You guys may get something out of it, you may not but at least your Fiance has shown his willingness to compromise. Which is the makings of a great marriage. xoxo

Post # 29
Member
1540 posts
Bumble bee

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elderbee :  

Same (UK). Americans seem to suggest counselling at the drop of a hat. In the U.K. people usually only go to couples counselling if they’re considering divorce or separation in a long term relationship (usually with kids involved) as a last resort, and even then people who go are in the minority, most people just work through issues themselves or split up. I’ve never even heard of premarital counselling before, seems very unnecessary to me.  

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