Post # 1
I’m relatively new here. My SO and I have been together for 5 years. He recently bought my ring and pretty much told me it was going to be an Xmas gift. He also show it to me at the Jeweler. Anyway, the engagement is not too far off. And we both are very excited, but yes very anxious.
We live together, a 6 hour plane ride from our families and we both have demanding careers. Went through college together, etc. Basically we are great teammates and each other’s main support system.
Lately he seems SUPER insecure about a lot of stuff. He is alway asking me if I love him, saying he’s not good enough, and asking me weird questions about the future (ie Do you think we’ll be together forever). And it’s making me nervous, especially because I’m a pretty affectionate lady.
We are both 24, which is kind of on the young side, but we are pretty established already (financially independent, working in our fields, etc). And we love each other very much.
Did your SO freak out right before they proposed? Is this typical behavior?
Post # 3
I think it is pretty typical for someone to freak out right before a major life change. I’m not engaged yet, but my SO freaked out right before he graduated from college. We were together since the beginning of his senior year of high school, so I think he realized when he was about to graduate from college what a big deal that is. He calmed down within a week of graduating, and is fine now. I have had mini freak outs just like this when I graduated high school, when we moved out, etc. I think it’s common to think about what could happen when something big is taking place.
Post # 4
About a week before we got engaged (I didn’t know exactly when it would happen), my husband kept asking me if I could stand being with him forever and do I really want to be his wife. I think it’s pretty normal for guys to freak out over something so huge!
Post # 5
@kclRN: I’m not saying this IS the case, I don’t like diagnosing people on the internet. What I do know is that when I’m in a more depressed state of mind, it usually shows itself with me being extra insecure and anxious.
Sometimes though, my Fiance and I will ask the “Do you think we’ll be together forever?” question, just to hear the other person say yes. Because, cheese and stuff. It’s not that we actually doubt it.
And then again, he’s about to make a big commitment! So he’s probably just got a lot of stuff going on in his head. A good relaxation could be all that he needs.
Post # 6
@orchidaloha: I’m pretty sure that is what is happening. I’m glad he is thinking about things so much beforehand. It’s almost like he’s giddy with nervousness!
@Cornmuffin09: I’m worried he’s a little depressed too. He commutes to work an hour each way and he has a very stressful job that ends up being a 12 hour work day, plus the commute. I’m trying to get him to call some friends, but most of our friends are not at this phase in relationships, so I think that is a little bit stressful as well.
@beetee123: You are so right! I kind of forgot how crazy graduating college felt and moving and such. Change can be kinda freaky!
Post # 7
@kclRN: Yup, an engagement/marriage is a huge change. I think it’s sweet that he’s asking you if YOU think that you will be together for ever, etc. rather than saying he isn’t sure if you’ll be together forever. He probably just wants to be certain that your marriage will last, and maybe he’s also nervous as to whether or not you will say yes even if you have discussed everything.
Post # 8
Yeah, I think it’s normal to freak out. Just help reassure him, or talk through any concerns. There are a lot of topics and expectations to discuss beforehand. It sounds like you two already have great communication with each other.