(Closed) SO is okay with my time line, but moving in will come first.

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Personally, I think 6 years is enough time to get to know someone, whether you live together or not.  Is he really going to be like “well, you don’t always hang up your wet towel – I don’t think this is working.”????

I wouldn’t move in with this guy in particular.  If you do he’ll have NO reason to propose, considering how slow he is with everything.

Post # 4
Member
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@oneofthesethings:  +10

This guy has heartache written all over him. It sounds like he’s just appeasing you for now. I would definitely not move in with him without an engagement. At least that would be an affirmative show of commitment. Right now, he’s done nothing.

Post # 6
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I do know this.  I’ve heard a million people say “I wish I hadn’t moved in with him without being engaged.”  I’ve never heard anyone say “I wish I HAD moved in with him before getting engaged.”

Post # 7
Member
425 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@workingbee:  “the time line is okay for him, and he wants to have a family someday but there is somethings he needs to figure out”

Then you tell him he can have all the time in the world to figure that “something” out. And while he is doing that, you will continue to find out what other men out there that want to marry you. But you won’t guarantee by the time he is done figuring it out you will be there.

Arghhhh posts like this make me angry… Why would moving in together change the situation you are in right now? I don’t understand. If after 6 years he hasn’t know you well by now, he never will

Post # 8
Member
1552 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

please dont move in with him.

if it’s already been this long and he hasnt proposed, he most probably wont when he has al the “wife-benefits” but none of the responsability.

He doesnt even know what the hell he’s trying to figure out, i mean whaaat?

Post # 9
Hostess
11243 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

He did a great job moving the goal post. Moving in instead of proposal. Harder to leave when you don’t get what you want… No, I wouldn’t do that if you want to get married. I think this guy might need a nudge, and it sounds like you all have a few important things in common, but don’t let that blind you to the end game. If you want to marry him, do not move in. 

Im with pp, give him the too he needs, and start doing your own thing. He seems like the type who might get it, but if not, you aren’t out another year without your end game. 

As for space, that is my biggest fear too. I just like a lot of quiet and space. So for that reason, I also wouldn’t move in with him Until the trade off was exactly what you want! 

Post # 10
Member
522 posts
Busy bee

Only you know your man and your relationship best.

All we can do is provide advice based on the information given while you have 6 years of knowlege of this man.

However, for me, I wouldn’t like this.

It’d be one thing if you guys had been in a relationship for a year and a half and he wnated to see before he made that commitment but after 6 years he should know. He can’t even tell you what it is he’s looking for at this point.

Honestly, if you are having doubts about moving in I’d say don’t.

Post # 11
Member
307 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Six years is plenty of time to get to know you.  I wouldn’t move in with him. 

Post # 12
Member
7230 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@workingbee:  I’m sorry honey. I know you’re trying to see the silver lining and you clearly love this guy and want to be with him, but I don’t see this as a positive. He “might propose” if you guys “work well together” after you move in? You’ve been together SIX YEARS! I assume you’ve seen each other’s places, so it’s not like one of you is a secret hoarder or something. He really just sounds like he’s trying to put it off and, as others have said, he’ll just find more excuses to wait. Hey! Why don’t you buy a house together first? Oh but shouldn’t you buy a dog and see if you can “parent well” together? And why don’t you save up for a big trip before you start all that wedding planning? There is NO way I’d be moving in with this guy before marriage– not even engagement cause I could totally see him putting off a wedding. 

Post # 13
Member
7230 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

*double post*

Post # 15
Member
67 posts
Worker bee

I would not move in unless he gives you a commitment. 

Post # 16
Member
522 posts
Busy bee

@workingbee:  I am literally sitting here trying to understand your rationale.

If moving in is against his ethics code and not an easy thing to do culturally speaking where you are then why isn’t he giving you the ring first!?

The boy scout comment I don’t get at all, is it that he’s a “Goody toe shoes”?? (I had to urban dictionary this because I did not understand). It seems more like he’s dragging his feet about commitment more than “Following rules by the letter” (again UD) (my SO is an Eagle scout and has no problems with making serious commitments so I’m really confused.)

Here’s my two cents: It seems as though you REALLY want this to work. I can understand that. You’ve been with this man for six years and you don’t want to feel like you wasted that time. I’m sure there are also great qualities about this man.

However, you seem to be the only one making compromises from my vantage point. From your post, it seems like you aren’t really thrilled about moving in first before you get the commitment (which I wouldn’t be either in your shoes).

If it is against your cultural beliefs to cohabitate then I would strongly urge you not to. You will probably end up regretting it especially if you don’t get the ring.

I just can’t help but think that you are trying so hard to convince yourself that this is the best thing for the both of you.

Again, it is your life, your decisions but I can’t help but feel that you should put your foot down. He cannot even give you a reason why he won’t propose before you live together. That’s not being a boy scout or being thorough that’s dragging your feet.

I can’t help but think that he should know by now…

 

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