(Closed) SO is scared to get married. Help?posted 7 years ago in Emotional
- 7 years ago
Now, I was with my DH for 10 years before we got married and I do believe that couples can be 100% committed to each before marriage and in many ways its just a piece of paper.
But I would be concerned if one person wants marriage and the other partner (after so long) couldn’t commit to that aspect of their relationship. If neither person wants marriage, then so be it. But if one person truly wants it, then I find it hard to believe that the other partner is truly committed to the relationship if they cannot take that step with their partner. If you truly want marriage, then I would encourage you to stand your ground in terms of other long term committments. I am not saying to pressure him, but you should be very hesistant to buy a home or have children with him before marriage. If you do both of those things before, then his desire or need to be married will be significantly lowered.
ETA: I do see that you two have made some progress. That is a good start. Continuing communication will definitely be good. Talking with him about how your relationship will continue to be the same after marriage might help. It’s strange that he can “only see the bad” when the reality is that he would be marrying you and I assume there isn’t only bad things now.
- 7 years ago
Like I said before seeing what his mom went through effected him very badly. He associates marriage with bad memories. And before you say it, Yes I know he needs therapy.
In many ways, marriage is just a legal committment. It is taking one’s relationship and annoucing to the public (and legal system) that you are committed to one another.
I don’t feel like I need to announce to the public that we are committed, I could care less what they think. I think there are other ways by showing it without marriage. My parents, and grandparents have even told me not to get married, that its all just legal shit and id be just as happy without that piece of paper. I know now I am being wishy washy, I will always want to get married, but is it worth losing someone I feel is the guy for me. Im starting to think no.
I know my SO bringing it up all the time and trying him to see my way will only make him more disinterested in marriage and push him away. He is the type of person thats needs space when it comes to things he is hesitante about.
I spoke to an unlce the other day, he has been with his Girlfriend for 20 years, they own a hotel together, a nice big house (no kids, they were to old by the time they got togethr) and they are actually the happiest couple I know. His gf told me that she considered leaving without marriage but she is glad she didnt. That it didnt matter cause they knew they were commited enough to last, she said other things but I dont want to make you barf as it was really sweet shit.
Anyway I apperciate your input and for right now my decision is just to back off him. He will always know I will want to marry him but the more I think of it, its not worth losing him over. For now at least. We will see.
I want to apolagize for starting to change my mind about this though. I apperciate all your advice and opnions thanks guys.
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