(Closed) SO is scared to get married. Help?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 33
Member
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Christmas Tree Farm

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@AquamarineQueen:  Haha, sorry! TTC = Trying To Conceive. I just had another friend announce a pregnancy today, so I’m feeling quite a bit of baby envy right now. 

Post # 34
Member
4025 posts
Honey bee

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@AquamarineQueen:  I guess I am confused. If he isn’t afraid of committment then why is he so afraid of marriage? In many ways, marriage is just a legal committment. It is taking one’s relationship and annoucing to the public (and legal system) that you are committed to one another. 

Now, I was with my DH for 10 years before we got married and I do believe that couples can be 100% committed to each before marriage and in many ways its just a piece of paper.

But I would be concerned if one person wants marriage and the other partner (after so long) couldn’t commit to that aspect of their relationship. If neither person wants marriage, then so be it. But if one person truly wants it, then I find it hard to believe that the other partner is truly committed to the relationship if they cannot take that step with their partner. If you truly want marriage, then I would encourage you to stand your ground in terms of other long term committments. I am not saying to pressure him, but you should be very hesistant to buy a home or have children with him before marriage. If you do both of those things before, then his desire or need to be married will be significantly lowered. 

ETA: I do see that you two have made some progress. That is a good start. Continuing communication will definitely be good. Talking with him about how your relationship will continue to be the same after marriage might help. It’s strange that he can “only see the bad” when the reality is that he would be marrying you and I assume there isn’t only bad things now.

 

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