- 8 years ago
While most of the other ladies on here have been urging me to “walk”, I have to agree that they are hasty and crucifying in their negative reactions. This is not your life and there are many things that I’ve left out about our particular situation, I chose only to reveal the facts and my train of thought regarding my particular situation.
For those of you that were catty in your later responses about ‘she just wants us to say something else, that’s why she’s bumping’ — that is not the case whatsoever. I bumped to get more responses because honestly, you guys didn’t seem like you read the entire post thoroughly. You immediately went for the jugular vein on my SO and basically told me he was a dirtbag. Which he is NOT. I can tell you that he has more honor, more character and more moral fiber than 99% of men. No joke. And I’ll say that to your face if you asked me today, tomorrow, next year or any day.
Nothing I’ve said in my original post says anything about me hating my SO or feeling unloved. My post talked about my FRUSTRATIONS with where we were at (a stalemate).
My post strictly asked what you would do in my position, how you would feel. For those of you that impulsively shouted, “dump him!”, you need to work on your impulse control and work on being level headed. If anything in life doesn’t go your way immediately, if you are passionate about it, you work on it. You don’t just kick life in the balls because you didn’t get the answer you wanted and run. That’s not the way it works. You will forever spend the rest of your life being dissapointed with people… and that’s no way to live.
For @Hazlenut: Thank you for your thoughtful reply.
In answer to your questions in your response, I was married to man that was active duty military. We moved 7 states away from my home state in order to go to the next duty station. He chose to go underway and was having an affair while underway, then would come home and play husband when he was home. The divorce was initiated by him; he told me he didn’t love me anymore except for as a friend. I was heartbroken, confused and lost. It was terrible and I would never wish that pain on my worst enemy. I only found out about the mistress after the divorce was all finalized, as we lived in the same town still after the divorce, and she came to visit… and I put the cookie crumb trail together and found out about everything pretty much all at one time. Double devastation. I was faithful throughout my entire marriage. I waited on him hand and foot and put his happiness above my own. He was also abusive (verbally and physically) and just not a good guy, although he looked wonderful on paper because he was a high-ranking officer.
My SO was with three women prior to me. One when he was younger; it was kid love and didn’t stand the test of growing up into adults. They are still friends, she’s great and has a family now. Very cool chick. The second woman was with him for 3 years and she moved out of state for school and ended up taking a job where she went to college. She has since married and has a family as well. They are not friends. The third woman, he dated for 5 years. He found out halfway through them dating that she had gotten her tubes tied and had no desire for children, which kinda turned out to be the turning point for the relationship, because he wants kids badly. He found out while they were separated but working on things, that she had cheated, multiple times with multiple men.
My SO is not afraid of committment or afraid of relationships. He comes from a good solid home and loving family who are wonderful, supportive people. He has stated multiple times to me that he is going to marry me and that I just need to be patient.
He told me today after my first post when we saw each other at lunch, that its not that he’s not going to propose or isn’t on the same page, but that he has an elaborate plan and date set so that it will be a memorable proposal for us. He told me just to hold on a little longer. And FYI – we have recently started our own business and alot of time/energy/stress has resulted from pouring ourselves into that venture. He reassured me today that this last year of planning and executing this business has had him all wrapped up and that he’s going to make it right by me because he now understands how I’m feeling after re-reading my letter to him again.