(Closed) SO is driving me crazy when I try to vent to him Help?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1040 posts
Bumble bee

independentwoman:  First off, you and your team needs to stand up to your co-worker. All you are doing is creating more work and stress. When you do that you’ll most likely see a vast improvement in your work and will need to vent less to your SO. 

I know your SO should be the person you turn to when you want to vent, but how often are you doing this? Even the person who loves you the most can only take hearing so much negativity. And he may have reached that point. Though he handled it very poorly.  

I think you need to talk to him and come up with a compromise. Also apologize for always bringing your negativity to him instead of dealing with the issue head on. 

Post # 3
Member
47279 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

independentwoman: Warning:generalization ahead.

Men often feel like they have to solve problems that we raise, instead of realizing we just want to be heard.

Either stop venting to him, or tell him you just want him to listen and say”I’m sorry you are having to deal with this.”

I also agree that you and your team need to deal with the real problem. You are enabling this guy by ignoring his behavior.

Post # 5
Member
2942 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I have on multiple occasions had to tell my husband weather the conversation was something that needed to be “solved” or if this was just a listening moment.  He is now very good at at least asking what kind of conversation we are having.  Just today he asked which we were having.  It took a while (6 years) to get to this point, but it is nice to be there. 

You will have different needs to communicate at different times, and telling your SO what the purpose of the conversation is at the beginning can help.

That said, dont let your SO be your only sounding board.  My Darling Husband could not handle it if every time I had a problem like that I called him, and he would probably not be able to take it all if I called him muliple times during a work day.  I have a good friend who I IM during the day so I spread out the stress.

 

Post # 7
Member
25 posts
Newbee

A girlfriend would be the best person to vent to for these kinds of things.

Post # 8
Member
1445 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Everyone needs someone that they can vent to. I respect that it is your SO and that you are not gossiping with a coworker. When you speak with your SO, maybe you should tell him that you don’t need advice, you just want to vent and have someone to listen and ask him if he is willing to listen. 

Post # 9
Member
391 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

As far as the venting thing, this is how we handle it, because we both try to solve problems when the other just wants to be heard:

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