- 4 months ago
- Wedding: September 2020
zzar45 : missmollybee : sboom : Thank you guys, I was starting to get a little suprised at the harshness of comments directed at my SO. You guys are all correct, he was not being a jerk at all, this is an issue I’ve been asking him about and he was honest. I’ll ask him once in a while if he’s still attracted to me, he’ll say yes, recently we found an old picture he took of me and he said “wow I genuinely didn’t believe you when you told me you’d gained a lot of weight, I see you every day and didn’t notice, I thought you were just self concious for like 5-10 pound gain and I’m sorry I was dismissing your feelings”. After that I’d asked him once in a while if he was more attracted to me when I was smaller. He told me, like I said before, he was slightly more physically attracted to me when I was smaller but mostly because I exuded confidence.
To make this very clear I do not feel attractive anymore and it shows. None of my feelings come from him, he still compliments me all of the time, wants to touch me and hold me and tells me how much he loves me and my little belly but I hate it. I look in the mirror and feel gross. Twice now he’s touched my stomach when I was sitting down and I got so uncomfortable I cried, TWICE. I am not as confident when we’re intimate because I don’t want him to see me anymore because of how I feel. I think it’s perfectly reasonable that he feels less attracted to me now because of these things than before when I was super confident. What I thought was really nice was that the attraction is based on my CONFIDENCE not really my weight. I’m the one who thought that losing weight will make ME more confident which will help the problems, then I realized the best solution is to work on fixing my confidence now instead of the mentality of thin=confident.
He even told me in the same conversation he loves me more now than he did when I was smaller because he knows me better now and that he’s more attracted to me in different ways than when I was smaller because of our deeper emotional connection. Some of the attraction loss is because of the weight gain but like just a little bit and even that is not unfair in my books, I’ve gained 30+ pounds, I look and act differently he’s not a jerk.
weddingmaven : I appreciate you looking out for me but I’m the one in the situation, I could only give a brief description and I know how he said it, why he said it, the depth of what he feels, and my actions that have caused these feelings, and I can tell you that he’s definitely not a jerk. In no way. Like another pp mentioned love and physical attraction are not the same and he has never said he loves me less, he says he loves me more and he’s still very attracted to me, but because I asked for his honesty he told me the truth. I also don’t find it insulting that he is less attracted to me now than when I was smaller because I can see myself and I can look at my actions and see how they would definitely affect his attraction to me. It didn’t hurt my feelings because honestly I’m less attracted to me now than I was before so how can I expect that he’s not?