- 5 years ago
I am going anon for this.
I just don’t know what to do anymore.
I have been married to my husband since June of this past summer. Before we got married we lived in our house together for 3 years. The entire time that I have lived with him I have dealt with his anger issues. They are progressively getting worse and today everything just came to a head and I grabbed a bunch of stuff and my dog and left.
Mainly his anger issues have to do with him thinking that I am a money grubbing gold digger, him trying to control me, and him being jealous of me talking to males.
He was raised in an extremely wealthy family. He also had girlfriends cheat on him in the past. I know that this directly relates to how he is treating me now.
There have been countless fights over these issues but the fights are getting worse. From day to day he is extremely clingy and gets mad if I refuse to do something with him. He also gets mad at me if I go out with my friends and like get lunch and get our nails done and it takes too long for his liking.
I will share with you a recent fight that we had and the fight that we had today that finally tipped me over the edge.
Last spring we went out with a bunch of my friends. We were drinking and having a good time all the while a creepy guy was staring at us hardcore. We began to laugh and giggle about it. About an hour later I went to use the restroom and when I came back my friends were all talking to this guy so I went over to talk to him too. I talked to him for maybe five seconds and when I turned around and returned to my fiance he was PISSED!!! We went home and ended up not talking the rest of the night.
The next morning when I woke up he was waiting for me in the living room. He started laying into me calling me a fucking whore for talking to that guy. I of course stood up for myself and said yes I talked to him so what sometimes when I get drunk I get really talky and talk to a lot of people. He defended it to the end that I was being a whore and that me talking to a guy was completely horrible. He also tried to force me to stop drinking (which I only do once every 2-3 months). That fight was a knock down drag out fight that lasted a good 6 hours
Last night we happened to be at the same bar with another couple that we are friends with. We were having a good time chatting at a table when a man comes over that used to work with the friend I was sitting with. Her and this guy start having a conversation. During this conversation he mentions that he is a school counselor. I have a bachelors degree in psychology (ironic I know) and we happened to graduate from the same college with the same degree. We started talking about our jobs and what schooling we plan to get in the future and what population of people we were thinking about working with. We chatted about this for maybe 5 or 6 minutes and then I excused myself to go to the bathroom. As I walk by my husband I lean over to give him a huge and a kiss and he is once again PISSED at me that I talked to that guy. I told him ok and just walked away. We did not talk again for a good hour and a half until we decide to stand up and play pool. I wallk over to my husband and say “please don’t be mad at me” and he just flips out. He tries to force me to leave and I refuse because to be honest I am sick of fighting with him and I just didn’t want to do it. So he leaves me there and tells me I can find my own ride home.
I ended up sleeping on my friends couch all the while he never texted me to ask if I was ok or where I was.
In the morning I get a text from him that says “where the fuck are you”. I text him and tell him where I am at and he calls me.
He immedietly begins with telling me that he wants to get a divorce and that he is going to pack up my things and kick me out. I told him I am not going to have this conversation on the phone while my friends are still sleeping in the other room. He continues to lay into me so I just hang up on him.
He comes and picks me up and in the car on the way home he starts laying into me again calling me names and saying he can’t believe that I talked again to a guy. I tell him that I am done with having him try to control me. I have never done anything ever to disresepct our relationship or even get close to cheating on him so I feel that I do not deserve this treatment.
We got home and he told me to leave so I did. As soon as I started packing my stuff up he immedietly changed his tune and was begging me to stay and talk to him. Telling me that I am all he has (I really am he has isolated himself from almost all of his family and friends by fighting with them). Telling me he loves me and wants me to stay. I tell him that you cannot jerk around with me and tell me that you want me to leave and get a divorce without me going through with it (he has told me to leave before at least 3 times)
I tell him he will never find a girl that loves him the way I do despite how horrible he treats me at times.
I tell him that I deserve better than this and that I don’t need to walk on eggshells in my marriage or be afraid of being punished for something I don’t deserve to be punished for.
And I leave.
I am currently staying at my parents house and I don’t know what to do next.
I know that for me to go home an appointment for marriage counseling has to be made.
I also know that this can be fixed and that I love him with all my heart because 99% of the time he is the sweetest most loving husband anyone could ask for.
I just need some advice. What would you do?