(Closed) so lost…need to face reality…so confused

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 18
Member
666 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Ask yourself if you want to share a life with someone who is only taking and not giving.

 

Post # 19
Member
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Think of it this way, cancelling a wedding is a lot less expensive than getting a divorce. At least you won’t have to give him 1/2 of your assets!

 

 

Post # 20
Member
2909 posts
Sugar bee

we spoke at length the other day AFTER all I have planned and I asked him to be mature and honest to me if he truly loved me by letting me know if we really can’t start a life financially together..he just looked down and said NO

It sounds to me like that’s your answer and you’re just having a hard time accepting it. He said No. It’s time for you to cancel what you can, get back a little of the money if you can, and focus on moving on in your life. I’m really sorry.

Post # 21
Member
9833 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Maybe I’m playing the devil’s advocate here, but it kind of sounds like he knows he can’t provide the lavish luxuries you are expecting, and has pretty much given up trying. Do you work yourself? I guess I just don’t understand how someone can blow through an entire savings and a retirement account in less than one year of unemployment – unless they are really living above their means.

But at this point I think it seems obvious that you do not want to marry this man.

Post # 22
Member
853 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
@Westwood:  +1

He might really be unambitious and lazy or he might be going through a rough time and is feeling even more down because he sees the lifestyle that you’re acustomed to and knows that he can’t afford to give you that.

Post # 23
Member
582 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

So sorry you’re going through this.  It does sound like your expectations and backgrounds are mismatched, and that your fiance isn’t willing to try to meet you halfway on that (or, maybe it’s a confidence issue on his part that could be addressed with therapy…but the wedding is a month away and probably not worth the gamble on your part).  I would go ahead and cancel things and begin the healing process….you will find happiness and have your dream wedding.  Don’t give up and good luck.

Post # 24
Member
3680 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

It doesn’t sound like you love and/or respect him at all. Why are you marrying him in the first place?

Your wedding day is first of all about your marriage — all of the flowers, decor, food, dress, etc come second to that.

Your posts are difficult to understand, but from what I got out of it, he physically hurt you in a fight? That’s the biggest warning sign right there.

He doesn’t sound like he wants to marry you, you don’t sound like you want to marry him. At this point I would either cancel the vendor contracts and take a loss or have a big party that has nothing to do with getting married.

Post # 25
Member
847 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

[Comment moderated for personal attack]

Post # 26
Member
1037 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
@BridieBea:  Wow, you could’ve left it at “One dot is a full stop,” without attacking. Your last sentence is uncalled-for.

Post # 27
Member
2899 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Sharing the same values is one of those things that’s really essential if a marriage is going to work. If you have different feelings about work, ambition, saving and spending, chances are this is going to end in divorce. I know it must feel awful to think that your parents are going to lose out on all of this money, but it really is better to cancel a wedding than to go through a (potentially messy and expensive) divorce or to be in an unhappy marriage where you don’t respect your husband or share the same life goals. 

Post # 28
Member
11736 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Forgive me if I’m confused, but you guys don’t want to get married because he doesn’t have a job right now and can’t support you financially? 

I won’t even say anything else until I have that question answered…

Post # 29
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

“OK I will say it…straight up…IF I did not have this platinum dream wedding and I was still in the engaged phase with no concrete plans and payments done…I would have walked away 7 months ago”

Well, there’s your answer. Walk away.

Post # 30
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

View original reply
@BridieBea: Clearly you know the grammar rules but you can’t be civilized so what is the point of that? Insinuating that the OP has a 4th grade education is classless and perhaps you should spend some more time reading about how to properly interact with people instead of grammar literature.

Post # 31
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

double post

The topic ‘so lost…need to face reality…so confused’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors