(Closed) So mad at FH even though I shouldn’t be

posted 10 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
37 posts
  • Wedding: May 2011

I am so sorry to hear that. Sadly, HPV is soooo out of control in the US.  I work in a lab, and know that this virus relies heavily on your immune system status.  If you stay healthy, your body usually fights it off.  Of course one  can never truly be rid of a virus, but showing no “irregular” signs in your pap is a plus.  Stay on top of your vitamins and try not to stress too much.  These regulars paps (even thought they are uncomfortable and stressful) are completely necessary.

Also, try not to blame your hubby too much.  You know he loves you and would never purposely put you in danger…

Wishing you the best of luck….

Post # 4
2203 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Ugh. I can totally see why you’re upset, it sounds like you and your DH have enough on your minds without this.

Take a deep breath and try not to assume the worst. I know that’s hard but this is why you go for yearly paps, to find out these things before something worse is detected.

Now that you have these results, it’s just another reason to stay healthy. Unfortunately, the vaccine only protects you against up to 3 types of HPV and there are about 200 varieties, so don’t feel bad about that. I read online that 90% of HPV infections are cured in 2 years. Just stay on top of it, be proactive with your health (like you already are!) and hug your DH because he loves you and only wants you to be healthy and this isn’t his fault.

Post # 5
188 posts
Blushing bee

Try not to worry too much! I had an abnormal pap that suggested high risk HPV. It caused a lot of turmoil and suspicion. There was no logical reason for me to have HPV, though. I had a follow up pap and everything was normal. Doc recommended taking folic acid just to be safe. Ever since, no abnormal paps.

Post # 6
615 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

It may not be his fault…..I don’t know all the scientific stuff associated with this, but Fiance and I were each other’s first kiss….first everything. I went to the gyno and found out that I had abnormal precancerous cells on one of my pap smears. I was a nervous wreck. Neither he nor I had done anything sexual with anyone else…..yet I had HPV. Both of us “waited”….but I still got it. Since finding out like three and a half years ago I’ve had three surgeries (two crytos and one leap) to remove the precancerous cells. I started out having to be tested every six months, which turned into every three months after they continued to find problems. It has been a rough road, but I am now back to the yearly pap smear :-). I am grateful though, because my gyno was very cautious and did everything he could to remove as many problem spots as possible. I am scared that I will continue to have problems, but I will have to deal with it as it happens. My point with all of this is that it may not have been him. It may have been some other cause. Its not worth blaming him for something you may not have even gotten from him. He loves ya :-). You love him!

Post # 7
71 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I had the same situation as yaneres.  Abnormal pap that suggested HPV, but redid it and it came back fine.  Relax and follow up wtih you doctor more about it.  HPV is pretty out of control.  The other thing is to have him checked up on as well.

Post # 8
31 posts

Sometimes you are just a carrier of it. My best friend and her husbands were each other’s first, but he was a carrier of HPV. He gave it to her and it cleared up on it’s own. Take a deep breath and don’t hold it against your Fiance.

Post # 9
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013


Try not to stress! I (like Corykru) ended up with abnormal cells on my pap smears – despite my boyfriend at the time and I being each others firsts. It does happen (the doctor even told me that some people can get it without even having sex!)

It wont change how you are feeling… I felt angry, disgusting and thoroughly freaked out at the time!

I had pap tests and biopsys every few months for the first 2 years and after 2 years, even though the pre-cancerous cells weren’t changing, they removed them as a precaution.

It has been a few years now and I only have to be tested every 2 years now.

I would find yourself a really good doctor who you can trust, and don’t be angry at your husband… he is no doubt feeling absolutely horrible right about now.

And try not to stress – so many women I know have gone through the same thing. Some have had to have surgery and others bodies have cured themselves. My best friend had a really high risk and agressive pre-cancerous cells but they went away after 6 months.

Good luck

Post # 10
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2015 - The Whitney

I’m sorry that you are going through this. Don’t be mad at your FH. I know it feels like a HUGE deal, but honeslty, it’s not.

I had my 1st abnormal pap with HPV in June. I had a ton of questions for my Ob/Gyn and googled like a mad woman. Here’s what I found out:

* There is no test for men. They are only carriers and nothing bad happens to them when they get it. There is a suspected link to penile cancer, but it hasn’t been proven.

* HPV is transmitted through skin to skin contact, not necessarily genital to genital contact. 

* The virus can live for YEARS undetected. The test is only positive once the viral load is over a certain amount.

* HPV is incredibly common. It’s estimated that 80% of people have been infected by HPV by the time they’re 50. It will clear faster if you keep healthy.

* The only reason to have a Pap done is to test for HPV and cervical cancer. That’s it.

* The majority of people clear the virus within 2 years of diagnosis.

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