(Closed) So mad/hurt I can’t sleep need encouragment :(

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

First, I’m so sorry you’re going through this *hugs* but in my opinion, you did nothing wrong and you only want what’s best for the children. What she’s doing is totally unacceptable and it needs to stop NOW!!! Just the fact she’s hacked into your Facebook account says it all. Obviously shes lost control of her children and feels that attacking you is one way of trying to regain at least some control but again, it has to stop. Is there someone in the foster care system you can report to and demand that all her uninvited visits stop?

I truly wish you the best on this and hope it gets resolved. God bless you and your fiance for taking on such an important role in these childrens lives.

Post # 4
2539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Sent from my Android

you need to SPEAK UP! If your FH can’t get through to this women then you need to…or you need to have your case worker talk to her. She is over stepping her bounderies! Also you are the foster parent so she shouldn’t be buying those kids anything! Nothing!

You FH def sounds timid and like he is afraid of conflict with this women for some reason….he needs to start standing up for you and your foster children.

You guys have let this women have way too much control for way too long…its time to get your life back!

Post # 5
221 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

 I agree with Ill Be Mrs B! Especially since they have some sort of history together… And she hacked into your FB?!?! I would try and talk to someone. Just tell him it’s hurting you and that you would appreciate if she can go through the office from now to drop things off or if she needs to talk to them. Someone has to put their foot down or this is going to go on for years! I’m sorry you have to go through this. It will work out!

Post # 6
365 posts
Helper bee

I don’t have experience in foster care, but start recording things if you can so you can prove she is harassing you.  I’m confused…is she their sister or their mother?  Anyways, the case worker needs to discuss with her what is and is not appropriate.  It shouldn’t really fall to either of you.  And you need to have a discussion with him about both of you making decisions and what boundaries you need with her and how you need to be a united front for the kids.  That said, the ear piercing…I think that I would have gone about it a different way.  You tried to get his consent and he deflected, but then you made the decision to let her anyways without making sure he was on board…both of you need to be in agreement on these sort of things.

It seems like you are a great, loving person for these kids to have in their life and have their best interest at heart.  Good luck with crazy lady and I really hope that he steps it up in not dealing with her directly.  Sounds like she needs no contact with either of you and needs to go directly through the case worker if possible.

Oh and PS — Props to you for being a foster parent.  It is something I have always wanted to do and hope to someday.

Post # 7
148 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I agree with the ladies above.  Be assertive with your FH, with her, and with the caseworker.  Tell your FH this needs to stop immediately because it is hurting you AND the kids.  There are reasons the state has taken her parental rights away and he needs to start getting a clue that what she is doing is not harmless.  If he does have a clue, then he needs to grow some you-know-whats and stand up to her.  “What did you want me to do?” says your FH.  Tell him “I want you to tell her to stay away from our home or you’ll call the police!  THAT’S WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO!”  Remind him that as a foster parent, he has a legal duty to protect those children and he’s not doing a good job by letting crazy pants around.  If she tries anything with you, tell her you plan to get a restraining order so that her behavior will become ILLEGAL.  Also, put the caseworker on notice of the severity of this problem so that if it ever escalates, they will be on your side and can possibly help mediate things.

Post # 8
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Your FH needs a wake up call stat- he should be looking out for the best interests of the KIDS and you and him, not her. The fact that he is lacking the ability to set boundaries with this woman, as well as disrespecting yours in the process worries me alot for you. Its obvious he’s more interested in appeasing her, as opposed to doing whats right. You honestly need to sit him down and talk with him.

Post # 9
1944 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Honestly her behavior needs to be reported to your caseworker. She is beyond inappropriate and it needs to be on record. I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. I do have to ask and please correct me if I’m wrong, just curious! Darling Husband and I are actually taking classes right now bc we will be adopting through FC. We were strictly told that until FC are adopted or in some states, not ours, age of consent, we are in no way able to post pictures of them online via blogs or FB to protect their privacy and avoid situations like this.

Post # 10
858 posts
Busy bee

@Bellanouva:this I was going to say the same thing, OP your doing a wonderful thing being there for these kids

Post # 11
345 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

that really sucks when you are trying so hard to do the right thing and give these children a happy, safe home.  Can I suggest setting up a new facebook account that would make it difficult for her to find you (one of my friends who is a teacher had to do this so her students couldn’t find her! she ended up just using her nickname and a generic name).  And try not to look at her fb posts anymore because she’ll always say nasty things and it’ll be upsetting, so at least if you don’t even have to read them then you can’t get upset.

But, it sounds like you are handling things incredibly well. I wonder if your Fiance ended up letting her come by because he’s a little pissed off about the ear piercing thing?  I think he should have handled that better, and just sent her a message back saying ‘drop it off at the office because you know you can’t come by the house’ – seriously, that wouldn’t have been difficult!  but at the same time it probably would have been better for the two of you to present a united front on the piercing thing so maybe that’s why he behaved how he did? 

i understand you are upset and hope you get some sleep, maybe if you and Fiance can write down some ground rules together (like ‘she can’t come to the house. ever.  no exceptions’) then it should stop this crap happening in the future because then there aren’t any ambiguities.  good luck

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