SO makes more than you? How do you delegate financial responsibility?

posted 2 years ago in Finances
Post # 2
7664 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Dh has always made a bit more than me, but the difference didn’t become that big until we were living together (I had to quit my job and relocate to be with him and ended up with a lower-paying job right around the time he got a huge promotion). Before we lived together, we would pretty much split everything down the middle even though he made a little more than me (it was like a $10k difference if I recall). Once we moved in together, he paid for rent and utilities and we would kinda take turns paying when we went out to eat and stuff like that. Now that we’re married, we pay for everything out of his salary and try to save mine. 

Post # 3
2574 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

We didn’t combine finances until we got married, so the 7 years we lived together prior to that we kind of just went off of a ratio system with rent. When I made more, I paid more. When he made more, he paid more. As for joint bills such as gas and electric, whoever earned more would take on the more expensive bill (gas) and the other person would pay electric. Our salaries have never been equal, so 50/50 just didn’t make sense. As for dates and stuff, sometimes we would go dutch and sometimes one of us would treat the other. 

Now he makes significantly more than I do, but all of our money goes into the same pot and I sort out everything. I put a chunk into savings, budget all our bills, and organize our cash envelope system to include groceries, pet fund, baby fund, entertainment, and allowances. Our allowances are equal, even though he makes more than me. We do this to put the maximum amount of money away into savings to reach our joint goal of home ownership. 

Post # 4
1670 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: Disneyland - January 2016

We don’t split anything. We look at what needs to be paid, and then look at our combined income and figure out what checks are going where. My husband brings in significantly more than I do, and while at times it makes me a bit uncomfortable, he’s absolutely never held that over me and refuses to think of it as “his” money. All of our income goes into the same bank account, so that makes it easier to think of it as both of ours.  

Post # 5
1793 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

My Fiance and I did have a discussion about finances.  He makes twice what I make and pretty much said he’d take care of most of the bills as long as I pay half the mortgage.  Hell this was actually HIS idea which shocked me cause I’m used to paying my own way and it made me pretty uncomfortable at first.  We will probably combine finances after the wedding but most likely keep separate accounts.  

I still on occassion hide the water bill from him and pay it.

Post # 6
321 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Our total household income is about a 60/40 split, with him making more.  We split things with parity, meaning he pays a bit more on the mortgage and pays water, electricity and gas, I pay cable and garbage.  We both buy groceries.  We never fight about money, ever.

It works for us!

Post # 7
1111 posts
Bumble bee

renee2019 :  as discussed in my thread… fiancé probably makes 1.5 times what I do. He pays for our dinners out.

i pay everything else. This is not working well!

Post # 9
6773 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

renee2019 :  I actually used to make more.  I think with his new job and raise as well as my own raise we are on an even keel now.  I doubt we’ll make any changes to the plan though.  It’s not really something we talked about much once we were both employed, but I pay the bills that come in, we alternate on the mortgage (and try to pay more than that bill each time).  We each pay our own expenses as far as gas, food while at work, medical bills and fun stuff.  If we go out to eat, he usually pays.  I buy the groceries most of the time.

The other aspect of our plan is that each of us has our own checking account into which our paychecks go, plus a joint savings account.  Whenever we cross 10000 in checking, that extra money goes into the savings account.  For my husband that has never actually happened.  For me just once in awhile, usually in the summer because I get 4 paychecks at once (I work in a school, no idea why they thought that was a good way to do it).  I am very much looking forward to my husband being able to contribute to our savings account.  In the meantime he has always added more to the retirement savings than I do, so it still mostly balances out.

For what it’s worth, the only time we really discussed it was when he first moved out here and was therefore unemployed for awhile.  I paid rent and bills and he took care of the house and yard in return.  Off balance, but it worked and I appreciated his sacrifice to move from a LDR to living together.

ETA: if you were perfectly capable of paying your way before you moved in together, why are you unable to now?  If it’s because you’re renting a place past what you can handle (but he can), then I wouldn’t worry about the 50/50.  I’d probably still chip in what I used to pay for rent, though.

Post # 11
1348 posts
Bumble bee

Money is so personal and every  couple has a different approach to fair which is probably affected by examples around and culture. 

Me and my bf have talked that once I start earning money (student now) we will get a joint account where we put 30% (will be adjusted accordingly) of our income that we use for accommodation,utilities and everything we do together. The rest our our income is for our selves to make savings, paying off debt and fun money. This is something we are thinking of starting with and when situation changes then we will change our agreement. This way the one warning more will pay more without having different quality of life.

Post # 12
178 posts
Blushing bee

My husband makes a shit ton more money than I do.  We have separate accounts and I pay for my bills (car, phone, student loans for daysssssss).  The only household bill I cover is the gas/water bill.  He pays for everything else (mortgage, cable, electric, groceries, dates, insurance, emergency fund, vacations, etc…).  Once my student loans are paid off and we don’t have to put all of my income towards them then we will reevaluate things.  He is a saint, I’m very fortunate.  

Post # 14
3208 posts
Sugar bee

My SO makes close to 3 times more than I do and before we moved in together, he would handle most of our social activities and I would chip in occasionally.

Now that we live together (my place with very low overhead), he pays me rent (which covers basically half of the mortgage, insurance, utilities) and then will pay for probably 80% of groceries, social life, vacations.  He keeps offering to pay more for rent, but I won’t let him because he spends enough elsewhere.

It works for us and I don’t see us ever combining finances.  I hope to eventually take back over my entire mortgage and he will buy us a rental property somewhere near a beach…I’ve just been transitioning with my job since January, so my finances have been weird.  

Post # 15
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

All of our money goes into a joint account and we pay all bills from it, doesn’t matter who’s bill it is. We also have separate accounts that we delegate equal money to per month for spending on whatever we want. In the joint acct we consult each other for any purchase over $200. We don’t think of our finances as his and mine, it’s ours regardless of who makes more. We are mirroring what our friends do, they’ve been happily married 25 years.

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