SO makes more than you? How do you delegate financial responsibility?

posted 2 years ago in Finances
Post # 16
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee

My FH and I plan to combine all of our finances asap (it’s a little bit more complex because I’m in between name changes right now, and neither of our banks have a presence in Hawaii, so it all has to be done remotely). What we’re doing right now, though is this. He makes double what I make, so he covers our rent and our costco trips. I cover basically everything else, and the remainder goes into savings, which I will move to our joint account as soon as we create it.

Post # 17
Member
625 posts
Busy bee

We’re pretty good at the 50/50 in rent, utilities, groceries, and things we do together (even if that means paying seperately so we pay the same). We pay for our own vehicles and their matainence. But we’ve always been willing and able to make up the difference for the other when we needed to. He used to be the only one working when I was in school but now I make more than him. If there was ever a point where one of us felt like it was getting a little tight and we’d have to dip into our savings we let the other know. Right now FH had some unexpected car expenses plus he’s in the middle of a job change where he took a pay cut until he can get passed the training period and they’ll give him a raise so I’ve volunteered to pay our whole rent for the entire summer and he’s covering the utilities himself. I make enough that I could afford the place on my own if I needed to so it’s not a problem for me. 

Post # 19
Member
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

We just have our paychecks set up to be deposited directly into our checking account. We aim to move some of that amount to our savings every month, but we only have our joint account. 

Post # 20
Member
1656 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

renee2019 :  Darling Husband used to earn a lot more than me, now I’ve almost caught up.  We’ve always had our own accounts that we get paid into, and then we have 1 joint account where we put a weekly part of our wage in for bills and savings (savings then transfers from this account into our joint savings account)

We’ve always worked it out on a percentage basis, it’s the only way I see it can be completely fair.  So if our total weekly bills/savings budget is $1000 and from our total income, Darling Husband is earning 60% and I’m earning 40%, He would put $600 into the bills account each week, and I’d put in $400.  We are now 52% and 48% so we are almost 50/50.

That means we have both spent the same number of hours at work to run the household, and the rest of our money is ours to do with as we please.

Post # 21
Member
2566 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

He makes more than me (maybe 40% more) and also has somewhat more expensive tastes. So I let him treat on a lot of the things I wouldn’t do if he weren’t in the picture (eating out to the same degree, some trips, etc). We are getting married and planning to just pool it all in one pot. 

If you have less spending money and he has more, I wouldn’t worry about him picking up the tab pretty frequently. Just be sure you both are also saving for retirement!!

Post # 22
Member
2655 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Dh has made more than me for 4 or 5 years now; prior to that, we were on pretty much the same wage (he was promoted and then changed jobs entirely, whereas I have stayed at the same position for 6.5 years now with only small increases at my annual review). I am also just about to go on maternity leave (today is my last day in fact) for 12 months as we’re expecting our first child in a couple of weeks, so in about 4 months I won’t be getting paid at all (we live in Australia).

We combined finances when we bought our house 4.5 years ago, as this is what worked best for our mortgage situation. All of our money goes into the same account, we don’t have separate accounts, so we treat it all as “our” money rather than “his” and “mine”. I do wish that I could contribute more, but there isn’t a whole lot of job movement for me – there is basically no way for me to see a significant wage increase without changing careers (which I plan to do anyway). I sometimes worry that Dh is a little put out that he contributes so much more, but he says that it doesn’t bother him in the slightest – he likes being the provider plus says that I do 90-95% of the housework and will be looking after our children, which are jobs that he sees as being important even though they’re unpaid.

Post # 23
Member
12670 posts
Honey Beekeeper

There has never been any “my money” and “your money” in our marriage. I’ve had periods of time when I worked full time and made equal money, part time, free lance, and not at all. 

You can’t always put a dollar figure on the contributions a person makes. I would not have married anyone who had what I’d consider a bean counting mindset. And yes, that would have worked both ways. 

Post # 24
Member
1320 posts
Bumble bee

^what she said.  Currently Darling Husband makes double digits times what I make.  We live on his income alone.  My income is saved.  

When I made more than I do now I paid for personal stuff (phone, car, insurance, medical bills, care items, etc.,) plus groceries, pet care, general/reoccurring home care stuff like lawn care or a service call.  Date nights or money spent while traveling was whatever, we would both pick up tabs. Though him more often.

Post # 27
Member
1320 posts
Bumble bee

renee2019 :  You aren’t inadequate.  Don’t forget all the things you bring to the table besides $.  And if your SO wanted to reduce his spending/lifestyle to fit into an amount you’d be able to split 50/50 he could do that.  Most partners would not, and are happy to use a progressive system for splitting bills instead.

Post # 29
Member
14985 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

When we were dating and when we first got married we made about the same.  When dating, we didn’t live together, so there wasn’t really a split, but he treated whenever we went out.  After we bought a house together, we essentially pooled our money and just paid for everything out of joint.  Now he makes about 1.5x what I do, and we still do the same.  The way we’ve done it since pooling money is that we have our own retirement funds that we both fund (out of our own paychecks), emergency savings, and additional investment savings (that all come out of the pool)… whatever is left over is free to spend by either one of us.  Luckily the left over is still more than we would ever spend since we’re not really spenders, so we never run into the problem of wanting to buy anything and either of us having spent it all and not being able to get what we want.

Post # 30
Member
938 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

Currently I make a lot more than my Fiance. I have a full time job, he’s working as a waiter before starting dental school in the fall. I pay for the entire rent, we split groceries and utilities 50/50. He usually pays when we go out, but I’ll split if we’re going out often. It’s going to stay this way for a while when he’s in school, but we’ll have to revisit when he graduates because he’ll be making at least 3x what I make.

ETA: We’ll probably switch into a percentage system once he graduates. We’ll both contribute, say, 60% of our salaries towards our monthly mortgage, bills, groceries, etc. He’ll obviously be contributing more because his salary is higher, but we’ll both be “equally” contributing by giving the same percentage of our salaries towards that stuff.

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