SO makes more than you? How do you delegate financial responsibility?

posted 2 years ago in Finances
Post # 46
2155 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

In our house, I’m actually the breadwinner. I make significantly more than my SO does, but I also have student loan debt where he does not. I recently moved in with him and we split bills and mortgage 50/50. He was able to pay for everything on his own before I moved in, so the caveat is that he takes my contribution and adds it to retirement savings. (Mine is 3-4x higher than his). Once we get married and actually combine finances, we’ll each put a % of our check to bills and savings, and the rest will be our own money to spend how we want. 

When we go out to eat, we usually take turns, with me picking up a large check when he’s had a lot of bills or visa/versa. Like right now, I’m paying for more nights out because he’s getting ready to buy my e-ring! 

Post # 47
1721 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I’m the one who makes more money in our house($17,000 more so not a huge amount),  but Dh is more fiscally responsible. I’m an emotional spender.  I was on the fence about buying a DSLR and hearing about grandma passing last weekend,  I pressed the order button on Amazon.  It’s within our budget, we already talked about buying it and he agreed,  and it was still only a $600 camera, but is it necessary? No. We have big purchase discussions,  even with fun money,  if we spend more than $500 on anything,  we check with each other.

We combined our money  into a joint account and a few  bill specific accounts and pay everything out of the combined accounts. 

We do each get the same amount of fun money each month and any OT either of us work(rrally it’s only me since his work rarely offers it) is extra money that can be spent however we want.

Post # 48
1033 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

My SO makes quite a bit more than me. As far as living expenses, we live in a duplex that he owns. His tenant pays for the mortgage basically. I pay half of what we call “living expenses,” which is bills and taxes. I can well afford this, so it would make sense that I pay half.

As far as our day to day life and vacations and groceries, I pay half of everything. However, the big caveat is that he lives a lifestyle in which I can afford half of everything. He lives way below his means. If he wanted to go on some fancy vacation that I couldn’t afford, he would pay. Actually, we are going on a vacation this fall that I can’t afford due to me saving to buy a house, but he is paying for my part as far as plane tickets and hotels because he still wants to go on vacation.

Once we get married though we’ll combine finances so it won’t matter who earns more.

Post # 49
2154 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

My Fiance makes more than me (although not hugely so). We have never really discussed finances. I sold my condo and moved into his house, which we had renovated together, although he paid for all the renovation costs. Because it’s his house, I do not contribute to the mortgage. He also pays all the utilities and cable. I usually buy groceries. When we go out, whoever reaches for his or her wallet first is the one who pays. Same with travel.

Once we are married, he wants to put my name on the mortgage deed, so I will start contributing to the mortgage. We will probably just have a joint account and pay everything from there. One thing that we absolutely don’t do is dictate what the other person can and can’t buy. Of course if one person is spending extravagently or above his or her means, there would be an issue. However, absent that, our pesonal spending is our own business. I do ask his advice if I’m going to buy something expensive (and he will do the same), but no one is telling me what I can spend on clothes and no one is telling him he can’t buy a new guitar. As long as we are being financially responsible, we are free to do what we want.

Post # 50
2296 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019 - Chateau Lake Louise

FH has a lot more financial resources than I do. In addition to his income, which is more than double mine, he also has no debt from college since his parents paid for his education. 

On the other hand I have 6 figure student loan debt, and a job that grosses less than $40k annually. I like what I do, and will eventually qualify for loan forgiveness, but.. the reality is I just can’t afford to contribute equally to the lifestyle he wants to have. 

We do roughly a 65/35 split for shared household expenses – mortgage, utilities, groceries. I pay the phone bill. Any extras, he tends to cover because the practical reality is that I simply can’t. He’s also had to bail me out a time or two.

I tend to be implusive with money, and he could not be more opposite of that. We do have a shared account for house expenses, but all of our other money is separate. In my case because I don’t want to be lecutred about the fact I go out too much (I do) and he doesn’t want me to have access to his account because he’s afraid I’d spend all his money (I wouldn’t) 

Either way, we have a yearly summit and re-evaluate our financial situation. I managed to decrease some expenses and got a small raise, so the amount I contribute has increased. And although he currently makes more than I do, my earning potential is actually quite a bit higher. Should there come a time where I make more, our ratios would adjust accordingly. 

Post # 51
1760 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

We have several sub-accounts in our overall accounts, and the checks are allocated a certain amount into each sub-account (rent, cars, electric) – so we don’t really SEE unless we peer at our pay stubs that he makes more than me. For example, $800 a month goes into rent. $530 of it is his and $270 is mine, but it doesn’t matter overall because we have the $800 we need to pay the rent. While for the grocery bill, he gives $150 and I give $300. Everything is done automatically, so it’s super easy. We even lump phone bills into one sub-account, so we don’t really have a “you pay this I pay this” attitude. All our money works together. 

At tax time, we go over everything and see if anything needs to be tweaked or fixed. If someone got a promotion, we re-allocate things if we need to. It’s worked well so far.

Post # 52
1991 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Now that we’re married and own a home, our finances are 100% combined. Previously, we each contributed 65% of our salaries to a joint account that paid for all joint expenses (rent, groceries, travel, nights out, etc.) 

Post # 53
2513 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

We have a joint account, all our checks go into that account and we pay what we need to pay out of our joint. We both get personal money as well. We view all our money coming in as our money, which honestly works amazing for us. I don’t want to have to split every bill like im living with a roommate – we’re a team. 

I make more than my fiance but not by a ton (probably about $5-7k a year)

Post # 54
1511 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

I pay for my mortgage and all my bills including school, car, taxes, car insurance, phone etc. We split the food bill and he doesn’t charge me rent. He will usualyl pay when we eat out because he knows I’m a poor student right now lol But I try to pay and he lets me sometimes. I throw him money when I can. But that’s what we agreed on when I started school because he knew I wouldnt be able to afford paying him rent + $780 in school loans a month. He has been very very supportive so I’m very lucky. He knows once school is paid off I will be able to contribute more. He also makes almost double I make at over 6 figures. So I am very grateful. 

Once we get married, we discussed having a house account which is for all the house bills and one fun/overage/future/wedding/whatever we call it fund. 

Post # 55
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I actually make about twice as much as my husband, but I also have some pretty high student loans (thanks law school). While I was in school his income was much higher than mine. Regardless, all of our money goes into a joint account and we pay the bills from that. I’m better about budgeting, so I allocate how the money should be spent or saved. He’s in charge of physically paying the monthly bills from the account. We kind of have an agreement that if we want to spend on anything extra or fun, we discuss it with the other person if it’s over a certain amount. 

Post # 56
3086 posts
Sugar bee

renee2019 :  We never really sat down and specifically talked about how much we make and who should pay for what. It all just became gradual over the years.

When we first moved in, i suppose we did talk about how much we could each afford for rent. It gravitated to him mostly paying the rent and me paying the smaller bills/small rent since he makes more than i do. 

Now we have a lot more bills as we own a house, he pays the mortgage and his car, credit cards and i pay everything else (all utilties, insurance, phone, my car and credit cards etc). Groceries are split (whoever gets paid that week usually pays). We have separate accounts, but share funds often. 

Post # 57
873 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2019

Finances have been an evolving thing for my Fiance and me.  Initially when he moved in it was because the company he worked at had folded and he wanted to give it a go at doing the same work on his own as a freelancer/consultant.  Initially he was still living at his own place but a few months in that didn’t make sense and he moved in with me.  I say that because our ingoing arrangment based on these circumstances was that I would continue paying the bills I had been paying otherwise like my mortgage and utiltities.  Beyond that we each paid for our individual expenses and splitted shared things like groceries, travel, going out. 

As his income has increased he’s taken on a greater share of responsibility for living expenses so it continues to evolve over time.  The goal is to get to a point where his earning level is more similar to mine (I expect when I switch careers I may have to take a pay cut).

I always assumed we’d have an arrangement like this vs. pure 50/50 or one joint account for everything.  It me this has felt the most fair and when things start feeling unfair, I speak up.  It allows us to make slightly different individual choices in terms of career and earning potential but still operate as a team.

Post # 58
192 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I outearn my husband substantially.  What we did was make a list of monthly expenses for fixed expenses.  We split them basically based on our earning so I pay 2/3 of the monthly expenses and he pays 1/3.  I usually pay when we go out for dinner or for non-fixed expenses.  We both buy groceries but we don’t keep track of those.  I pay for vacations and my student debt.  He started working well before me so he doesn’t have any student debt anymore.  We each pay our own car payments/insurance/gas separately.  He has a pension with his job and I save money in other accounts for our retirement.  It seems to be working well for us.  Just based on my financial structure due to my job, we haven’t shared accounts completely so the way we are doing it makes sense for us.

Post # 59
688 posts
Busy bee

We put all of our money in to one account and pay all of the bills from it. We have done that since we moved in together seven years ago. For about four of those years, he made considerably more than me, but he has never not considered his pay, “our” money. We make close to the same amount currently. 

Post # 60
37 posts

My partner makes double what I do as I’m casual and studying. When i moved in we made came to a general understanding that I pay for all the food (particularly cause i’m the one who prefers to cook) as well as house hold items, soft furnishings. When we go out for dinner he pays, however if the food is cheap I will often pay. He bought his house before I came along so he pays the utilities (and they haven’t increased since i moved in).

Our arrangement works, I do feel inadequate that I can’t contribute to the household financially like he does, and in my line of work I won’t ever be able to equal him, he does like to “take care” of me but I do often feel like a leech

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