SO makes more than you? How do you delegate financial responsibility?

posted 2 years ago in Finances
Post # 61
Member
900 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Darling Husband makes ~60% more than I do, sometimes more.

When I first moved in with him, before we married, I moved into his house and he continued to pay the mortgage, taxes, utilities.  I paid him cheap “rent” and we kept track of groceries and other household expenses and split them.  He usually paid when we went out for supper.  

After we bought a house, we opened a joint account and married shortly thereafter.  We basically combined everything at that point and there is no HIS money or MY money.  We casually end up setting financial goals every few months.  I manage the bank accounts and make sure our bills are paid on time.

The pre-marriage way was frustrating, but we couldn’t be happier with combining everything.  Also important to mention we each maintain our own credit cards to ensure we each have a personal credit history, each of those bills are paid out of the joint account.  Having these also allows us to buy stuff for each other “privately”.

Post # 62
Member
9367 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

We split rent/utilities before getting engaged. Then we combined finances and everything comes from the same pot. There was one year where I made about 5x what he did (he was still getting his PhD). After that, he’s always made more than me. Now it’s about 1.5x more.

Post # 64
Member
2767 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017 - Courthouse

renee2019 :  Most financial experts will say that if you and your SO do not make the same amount of money, you should still pay the same percentage of living expenses. For example, my husband makes probably double or triple what I do. So technically, he should be paying for 2/3 of our bills or so. But when we got married we knew that would be the case so we combine most of our money and pay out of one checking account. For us, that works and no one feels slighted. We are also in the process of buying a home and we’re both also natural savers so we don’t fight over spending money. 

When we first met though, I was still in college and my now husband was going to school, getting paid from the military to do so AND he was working full time and making good money. So even when we started dating, he paid for 90% of our dates. I was trying to save money and find out what career I wanted, so it was really nice to have his support early on. I understand that’s not typical, and I feel like most couples who aren’t married usually split expenses or take turns. 

Post # 65
Member
11 posts
Newbee

everything is split 50/50 despite differences in salaries.    as long as you both are happy with however you choose to split it, is all that really matters 

Post # 66
Member
3505 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

Glimmerandshine2019 :  My fiance and I have split house costs 50/50 since we bought our house together. Before that when I moved into the house he already owned, I paid him $600 a month. We used money from the sale of his house plus some of my savings to make the downpayment on our current house, but his contribution was about 3 times mine. Since then, we split all the bills and house-related costs 50/50. We have a joint account that all our house stuff comes out of and we both put in the same amount of money every month, which covers all thebills plus a bit extra tht builds up over time that we use for maintenance/repairs and renos. 

When we bought the house he was making $30,000 CAD more a year than me. However, he recently switched jobs and is now making about the same as I am. He will likely be making more than me again in a couple of years. 

Post # 67
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I make more than my fiancé does but his expenses are lower since he doesn’t have a car while I do and I have a pretty long commute (and gas is NOT cheap in Germany). We put the same amount of money in a shared account every month which covers groceries and other bills. I also put a lot of money in my retirement fund but he doesn’t so I guess in a few decades, I’ll be supporting him, so I think it’s kinda fair that he’s paying a larger part of his wage towards bills. If he asked me to contribute more, I’d do it though.

Post # 68
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

We don’t split anything, it is all “our” money. He earns more than me so we put my salary towards our mortgage and his salary pays for everything else. We did talk it over when we first got married and decided that it made more sense for us to combine accounts. 

Fortunately, we’re on the same page about most everything finance-related and have similar spending styles, so this method works for us. 

Post # 69
Member
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2019

My SO makes much more than I do. When we decided to live together and eventually purchase a house, we sat down with pen & paper and discussed what are goals were and how we both could contribute. 

He covers the mortage because I am still paying down my student loans, but I cover the car payment & insurance. Most house/living expenses are split 50/50. We have our own accounts but one joint savings for living expenses and one joint credit card. 

Post # 70
Member
467 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

My husband makes twice as much as I do. We have a joint account, but overall, my paycheck goes straight into savings and his paycheck pays for all the bills and expenses – and whatever is leftover goes into savings. We joke that come retirement hubby should be nice to me since theoretically I will be paying for everything. :p But all in all, we just consider our finances as a one big pot rather than two separate pots regardless of how much each of us make. 

Post # 71
Member
1171 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Before we were married, my husband and I split costs roughly 50/50 because he only made slightly more than I do. He would pay for more of the dinners out, etc to offset it, but overall it worked well. No issues. But neither of us are ones to penny pinch and nickle and dime things. This was simple and worked for us.

Now that we’re married, we have joint accounts. All of our pay goes into our joint account, some gets sent directly over to savings on pay day and the rest goes towards bills and other expenses. We had talked about separate accounts and putting money for bills into one account and having the balance of our paychecks to ourselves to decide how we wanted to spend it. That just didn’t feel like a partnership to me, though. I’m much more of the mindset that it’s all “our” money and we should work together to determine how all of it is spent or saved, especially because we have goals for home renovations, vacations, etc. It seemed harder to make those decisions together if we’re regularly making isolated decisions with our excess cash flow. 

Post # 72
Member
2767 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017 - Courthouse

Just a disclaimer: this is not everyone’s cup of tea. And that’s okay.

But my husband makes about 4 times I do before his bonuses/company shares. So what I make is peanuts compared to him. Before we were even engaged we had talks about money and we both believe that when you get married it isn’t your money and his money, it’s our money. We are very transparent with our money and we don’t allot each other “fun” money. We just spend within reason. And we always consult each other for large purchases. 

We went out to eat last weekend and I paid. It doesn’t matter though because it’s coming from the same account. 

I think something that is important though is that one person is in charge of the general bills. I think sometimes couples get stressed when they’re both equally handling the bills. In my opinion, it’s way easier when one person spearheads the finances and obviously the other person has access. For example, I check our checking account at least once a day. I opened all of the bills in my name. I pay all of the bills (whether online or sending actual checks) and I am the one who files everything away for safe keeping. This works for us because my husband doesn’t have to worry about it and I can do things my way. 

Post # 73
Member
9456 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

Glimmerandshine2019 :  Darling Husband makes about twice what I do.. and is looking to make a out 3x what I do with his next job search (he is looking to get out of the tech start up world and join the big leagues.. Google, Facebook, etc)

We pool our money. What’s his is mine and vice versa.  I did more chores than him till I got pregnant but lately he not only makes more but does more housework. 🤷 I do what I can but I’m exhausted making him a son. :P.

Ironically I actually do all the financial handling for us.. despite the fact he makes more I inherited a bit about a decade ago so I’m used to managing money/stocks.  He also procrastinates a ton when it comes to managing finances.

The money I brought to the marriage is what let us buy a house, and is the bulk of our assets still (we have only been married 2 yrs).. so I do contribute in that way.

Post # 75
Member
2767 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017 - Courthouse

amanda1988 :  Yes it does sound similar! I also do most of the chores if not everything (except he does the litter box lol). 

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