So Many Divorces in My Circle and it's Freaking Me Out

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
1614 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Divorce is common… even more common in second marriages. Unfortunately people change and some cheat. 

And there isn’t anything you can do to prevent or stop it. 

All you can do is control your own actions, keep communication open, not forget to show your partner your appreciation and pray if you’re religious. 

To give you some semblance of control, you can make smart financial decisions for your own future so that if the worst happens you aren’t left in debt with minors you are responsible for and no savings or relevant work history.

Post # 3
1614 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Oh, and I’ll add that this is exactly why women (or people in general) should not get so caught up in their own happiness as a couple that they lose or alienate their friends. 

Relationships all end either through death or divorce and we all need a diverse and deep portfolio to rely on when an end comes. 

Post # 4
2343 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

View original reply
somedaymrsj :  Did these couples get married pretty young? I know this isn’t true for everyone who gets married young, but ALL of the couples I know who divorced/are in the process of getting divorced married very young.

I’m close enough to a couple of them to know that they just changed, they figured out who they are, grew up, began careers, decided what matters to them.I also know that there were issues with these couples before marriage, and they thought getting married would fix it (i.e guy got caught sexting another woman, “proved” his love to my friend by proposing and marrying her).

I would bet that for a lot of these couples it really wasn’t out of the blue, the person posting it for everyone to hear about might just be spinning that way.

Post # 6
4291 posts
Honey bee

It goes in cycles.  Around the time I got divorce, a lot of people were in the same boat as me.  Together for a long time, married for a short time, but just weren’t compatible.  My SO is older than I am and he is now seeing the cycle of people who have been married for a long time, but are waiting for the kids to be out of the house and in college before ending it.  

The odds are stacked against all of us in that marriages end in divorce more than 50% of the time.  

I’ve also been married and divorced and do have fears about repeating that cycle.  

Post # 7
769 posts
Busy bee

First of all, congratulations on the engagement and your wedding coming up!

These are the fears that can consume us. In any stage of a relationship. What needs to be remembered is communication. A constant state of communication. Constantly bettering yourself for you and the relationship. If soemthing negative liek that does ever occur, you’ll know that you weere the best you could in the relationship, and it was the other person. Like you said, we can’t know what will happen,a nd gettign into a relationship or marriage, you’d liek to think that it will stay amazing until death. And maybe it will, but letting the thoughts cloud you until it happens, IF it ever happens, can be detrimental to your relationship. Im sure you know all this, im just here to say that your thoughts/concerns are of logic, not emotion. 

Keep up the amazing relationship, and always encourage, motivate, love, give affirmation to your partner and yourself.

once again, congratulations, and best wishes 🙂

Post # 8
1087 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I totally feel you, Bee! I am one of five cousins (which includes my brother). One cousin hasn’t never married. The other three (including my bro)? All divorced.

It’s really hard not to let things like that get in your head a bit. My fiancé and I just like to try and laugh it off and say we are gonna try our damnedest to break the curse!

It’s hard because you never know what life is gonna throw at you… but I remind myself that there are also many amazing marriages out there that are wonderful and last until death. All we can do is try our best in our relationships and hope we end up one of the lucky ones 🙂

Post # 9
2497 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Most divorces aren’t “out of the blue”. People typically only post about happy times, not about when they fight with their husbands, etc. 

That said, I choose to focus on my husband and I’s relationship and try not to pay attention to others relationships. Keep communication open, listen to your gut, etc. 

Post # 11
5038 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2016

View original reply
somedaymrsj :  I’ve been having the same thing happen in my (work) circles.  Several of my close coworkers are getting divorced, all due to cheating.  I don’t have any advice except to continue enjoying your relationship and keep communication open. 

Post # 12
344 posts
Helper bee

To make you feel a bit better…the divorce rate isn’t 50%. That was a projection from a 1980 census report. The actual divorce rate (though complicated to calculate) is much lower, closer to 25%.

Post # 13
5310 posts
Bee Keeper

There is no question that getting married is taking a chance. It’s a leap of faith, and you do what you can to keep love alive. But worrying is like praying for something you don’t want, so don’t dwell on it.

Post # 14
112 posts
Blushing bee

Are these women seriously posting on social media about the details of their marital problems? That seems super weird to me, but to each her own, I guess. 

Post # 15
7896 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

View original reply
whitecollarbee :  This is true. The divorce rate for FIRST marriages is about 25%. The divorce rate for second and later marriages at least doubles to 50% or higher. The higher rate used to be attributed to all marriages, but it really isn’t as bad for first marriages.

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