(Closed) SO may be having doubts… Please help!

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
13 posts
Newbee

@solidarity:  +1

I have some health problems that may make it more challenging for me to have children.  When I told my SO about this he said “when the time comes we’ll try and see what happens, if we can’t have kids than we’ll explore adopting.”  According to him he wanted to raise a family with me whether it was one we created together or not, because he couldn’t imagine doing that with anyone else.  I truly believe that you deserve to be with someone who is going to react the same way and not base the future of your relationship on the ability to have a child together.

Post # 18
Member
1966 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think he’s being an asshole. He’s supossed to love you, not your eggs

Post # 19
Member
3073 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

@leecy87:  um, no, “true love” as defined by you is a receipe for unhpapiness.

How’s about shared values?

The messages just before yours, #2 & #3 are sensible.

For many people the issue of children is a deal breaker. If this guy reall really wants his own biological children, that is what he values. He needs to go find someone who can share that value and build a life.

It’s a sad sitch all around if you two find that you don’t share essential values. BUt you need to know that before hooking up.

 

Post # 21
Member
657 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

1/5 pregnancies end in miscarriage, and drs believe the number may be much higher.

just because you had a miscarriage doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with your body. Drs don’t even start to worry until you have had 3. 

personally I don’t think I would be able to get over him saying this. How dare he?!

Post # 22
Member
650 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

@Waitingforthatdaywithray:

Honestly I wouldn’t be able to marry him.  I don’t want kids at all but it’s not always been that way.  I use to dream about having kids.  I just couldn’t marry someone who wasn’t willing to accept that I may not be able to have his children.  Some women are perfectly fine they just never have kids.  I know a woman that had 6 miscarriages before she finally had 3 healthy kids.  He just seems like he cares way to much about having biological kids.  I’d start to wonder if he would be upset if I never gave birth to whichever gender he prefered (I know it’s not the womens fault if the child is not a specific gender).

Post # 23
Member
933 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC

@FauxPas2012: Nonesense!!  and so cynical. It has nothing to do with “values”  you dont leave someone you love because they cant have your kids you just dont. 

There are many ways to have biological children like the OP explained and you can even consdier adpotion and surrogacy before you tell the one you love who moved states for you, oh …. i dont know if we can be together. He hasnt even tried. That says a lot.

 

OP … I still say put yourself first and and think about your feelings, they are important.

 

 

Post # 24
Member
360 posts
Helper bee

I am so sorry you are going through this, I think when you love someone and plan to spend the rest of your life with them you have to take the good with the bad. My SO and I had a similar conversation, I asked him what would happen if in the future we couldn’t have children for one reaon or another, and he said he had thought about this before and said we would figure something out because he loves me and it wouldn’t change how he felt about me, and I told him I felt the same.

I think you need to think about what you want, what if you are told you can give him children but then after you are married things change and you can’t, what would he do? Is it worth the gamble?

I hope you figure this out xx

Post # 25
Member
422 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Personally I wouldn’t be with a guy that straight forward says he doesn’t know if he wants me if I can’t have children, because I’m a person, not a babymaking machine.

He has the right to want biological children, and has the right to leave if you can’t give him that, but if he does, how much can he love you, truelly, and not just your uterus?

I mean, there are plenty of options here, and if he see that: babies or no deal, I personally wouldn’t be with him, at all.

This said, I sorry to hear this from you, I hope you guys can work this out, maybe your appt goes well and you can have children?

In other hand, this part is really depressing, my aunt was checked out by doctars that said that she could have children, that wasn’t anything wrong with her, but she lost 4 babies before stop trying (it was too much emotions). So I know that people don’t want to hear this, its a sad tabu, but sometimes, women just can’t carry a pregnancy 🙁 Isn’t he prepared to deal with this, if you do (praying to god that this DOES NOT happen to you), loose another baby, is he leaving? Is his staying dependent of you having a baby?

I think you guys should talk really talk about this, and again, frase the baby making machine, how can he love you and still don’t consider other options.

I so so sorry to hear this 🙁 I know I would be sad, and I know you are too. Huge hug**** I hope everything works out well (at the appt and with you guys)

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