(Closed) So maybe I do hate one of my BM’s…

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
3098 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Oh. My.

I don’t even know what to say, except that I’m very sorry you’re in this position!!!! But did the Future Brother-In-Law break up with her? Or what…..

Post # 4
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

After the cheating are Betty and your FH’s brother still together? Does he now feel differently about her demands that he can’t be in the wedding without her? And why the heck did you ask her to be your Maid/Matron of Honor instead of a BM??

I want to say it doesn’t sound like there’ smuch you can really do if you’ve already asked her to be Maid/Matron of Honor and she’s bought her dress and booked a stylist. As difficult as she is being, you can’t ask her to step down just because she’s not your perfect vision of a Maid/Matron of Honor. If you read a lot of the threads here, you will see that a lot of ladies have trouble with Bridesmaids not helping out or even acting like they care about the wedding, but it’s never really recommended to kick someone out.

I’m really sorry this is happening and I hope it all works out. Just keep your head up and rely on your ‘real’ bridal party for emotional support.

Post # 5
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Seriously. All your problems would be solved if “betty” breaks up with Future Brother-In-Law or vice-versa. Maybe your Boyfriend or Best Friend was trying to do you a favor… just kidding that’s harsh. Cheating is bad. But still, the demise of this relationship would totally work out in your favor. I’d probably push for a breakup, but then again I’m a total b***h 🙂

Post # 6
Member
4466 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Yeah, I don’t have too much to say about this except I would have taken it as a warning sign right off the bat that she wouldn’t “let” someone be in the wedding without her!  What a bizarre demand!  And even then, if I was nice enough to allow her in the wedding party, I wouldn’t have had my best friend step down so that she could be Maid/Matron of Honor.

She sounds like a brat.  I’m not sure how close your wedding is, but looks like you’re going to have to put up with her.

Post # 7
Member
1757 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Um, Betty blames you for your brother cheating on her? That’s insane.

Post # 8
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Your wedding is about you and Fiance. The last thing either of you need to deal with is someone else’s drama on your special day. I would let her go, no matter what you have to pay her back, sounds to me like the peace of mind you get would be priceless.

I was just Bridesmaid or Best Man in a wedding where the Maid/Matron of Honor was the FI’s sister. She somehow thought it was her wedding and there was drama between her, the bride and BMs. The morning of we wanted to spend those last few moments with our friend but it was awkward with her around because we knew she was there for the attention.

And since Fiance brother cheated on her and she blames you I wouldn’t want her anywhere near you.

 

Post # 9
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Usually I would always say you can’t kick someone out of your wedding, but I think in this case you totally have an out – namely that (a) she blames you for Future Brother-In-Law cheating, and (b) the girl he cheated with is in the wedding party. I mean, that’s just a recipe for disaster if ever I’ve heard one. I think you need to just say “I think, due to everything that’s gone on recently between you and FBIL/BF and your feelings towards me, it would be best if you were no longer involved in the wedding.” Harsh, yes, but anyone who you begrudgingly made your Maid/Matron of Honor (I can’t believe you would actually do that, btw – too nice) who is blaming YOU for their Boyfriend or Best Friend cheating needs to get kicked to the curb. I’m thinking her relationship with Future Brother-In-Law isn’t going anywhere anymore so you probably won’t have to deal with her for the rest of your life. And you simply should not have someone as your Maid/Matron of Honor who would treat you like that and blame you for their problems. Kick her out, you won’t regret it.

Post # 10
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think….in this situation…assuming that Betty and Future Brother-In-Law are broken up….I’d write Betty a check for the costs incurred and tell her to get outta my life and FI’s life.

She’s going to cause drama at your wedding. I don’t see the woman being cordial to the girl her ex cheated on her with! Or her ex….or the family…or you…i mean, she’s probably gonna flip boogers

I think it’s ok to dump her from your wedding for this. They aren’t together anymore are they? Oh gosh….if they are….how sad!!! If they’re broken up….and she’s being so hateful…I think I’d just do it and move on.

Post # 11
Member
1084 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Yeah, it doesn’t sounds like the bro and Betty are going to stick together, and then how awk are wedding photos going to be to see this random girl as the Maid/Matron of Honor. 

That sounds horrible but if you’re going to stick yourself in someones wedding at least be accomadating, I say boot her.

Post # 12
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

OP – Are Betty and Future Brother-In-Law broken up? If not, WTF?

Also, I think this may be the only bridesmaid dumping post where the consensus is that it’s totally OK to dump her from the wedding party, which makes Betty truly awful.

Post # 13
Member
2289 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Yeah, totally agree with what Kittyachi and ejs said. I suggest telling her that this isn’t a good idea and send her a check.

Post # 15
Member
350 posts
Helper bee

Am I reading this correctly – did your FI’s brother cheat on Betty with the best friend from when you were 8 who would have been Maid/Matron of Honor otherwise? 

Post # 16
Member
1084 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Your Fiance needs to talk to his brother about this one and how serious he is about the relationship, it sounds like a disaster.  Is your best friend one of the bridesmaids?  I can’t see how it can be possible that this girl and your best friend are both in the wedding together and it work out in a fun way.

The topic ‘So maybe I do hate one of my BM’s…’ is closed to new replies.

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