- 5 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013
This is long, but I’d appreciate any feedback… (I posted a short thread about this a few days ago, but I’m a little more clear-headed now.)
My sister/MOH scheduled a lap band (weight loss) surgery for November/December. She had considered doing it in August but decided against it due to the wedding and her job. She got a call from her doctor last week that they have an opening for September 9 (my wedding’s on September 21) and she asked me if I was okay with it.
Back-story: For the first three or four months of this year, she either wouldn’t talk to me/respond to messages or was openly rude when she did. I was having dreams about it at that point, was pretty hurt/angry and was considering asking her to step down from the Bridal Party at that point. The bees said that all she has to do is show up in a dress, which I agree with and let it go to the best of my ability.
I picked a BM designer and fabric based on a dress that she had tried on and liked and only specified the color, brand and fabric. The other BMs ended up having to order a special fabric/upgrade for their dresses. She put off ordering the dress, and finally said she changed her mind and didn’t like any of those dresses. She ended up getting a dress from a different designer from in a different color. I said okay, since she was the Maid/Matron of Honor and it wasn’t as bad if she didn’t match (there are three people in my BP). I also ended up paying for the dress and writing off a number of other debts that she owes me, because she goes to my parents for it.
About a week and a half ago, she called to ask if I’d mind if she got a tattoo on her shoulder, because she didn’t want to ruin my special day. I thanked her for asking but said it was none of my business. She then sent me a photo of a needle through her nostril, because she was getting her nose pierced as we were texting. The timing was interesting to me.
Then I got the call about the surgery at 4:45, and she had to tell them by 5 if she was having it or not. I took a few moments to think about it (and talk to FI) and called her back. I said I’d love her either way, but I’d REALLY prefer it if she didn’t have the surgery, and that if she did, it would probably be best for everyone involved if she not be involved in the actual wedding. I wouldn’t mind if she wore the dress, and definitely want her there, but since we haven’t been having a good relationship lately anyway, I’ll be worried enough about her without wondering if she’ll be able to do the rehearsal and ceremony.
She told me that she “wouldn’t have the surgery if I wouldn’t want her in the wedding.” And I thought we left it at that.
Well, she told the clinic, “yes”. She just invited me out to coffee and asked if I’m open to reconsidering my position. She did say in the text that I was more important than the surgery, and if I was still against it, she wouldn’t have it.
I love her and know that she’s got something going on personally that I don’t know about. Part of me thinks this is intentional, and part of me is just over the whole thing and burned out. Her three daughters are flower girls and her husband is a groomsman. I plan to reiterate that I’d love to have her there, but if she has the surgery, I’d like her to step down.
Also, I have my current job because the person before me died on the table during a routine surgery to put a plate in her collarbone (something to do with the anesthesia). A friend had a relative who had lapband surgery and go a bad infection.