(Closed) So much advice!

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I understand everyone has different advice to give, but I have to realize who my SO is and how he will handle situations.  My SO and I have been together 4.5 years and of course I know it’s coming because he told me it would be within the first few months of 2012.  

My friends have tons of advice to give, but what works for me at this point is not bringing it up and letting him follow through with his plan.  If I harp or pressure him any at this point he is liable to back off completely.

If you know that both of you want to be together for the long haul and he has plans to buy a ring soon, I would probably back off for now.  Give him some time and if nothing happens within a few months, approach the subject in a peaceful way with him again.  Take into consideration what type of personality your SO has as well and what your gut tells you is best. 🙂  

Post # 4
Member
2759 posts
Sugar bee

First off, hello fellow Syracuse Bee!!!

Okay, here’s the thing: I know it’s hard to wait, but you really just need to back off of it for a while. If you’re on the same page, as it seems you are, then a proposal is coming. Men like to plan and many want the proposal to be super special – it sounds like he really wants to do something nice and is waiting to have enough to do so. If you just want a ring and don’t care, maybe try talking to him about how you aren’t expecting a huge, expensive ring OR ask if he wants to go ring shopping so you can show him what you like (and let him see that less expensive rings are just as beautiful on your finger).

But I do think there’s a risk for hurting his feelings/doing some damage by following both pieces of advice you’ve been given. You don’t want to make him think you don’t want to get married – that’s stupid, imo. It’s not a game, it’s an adult relationship and honesty is generally the best policy when it comes to a lifetime commitment. But I think pressuring him/giving an ultimatum is also not the way to go because who wants to look at their ring and know it came after a threat?

I’m sure the proposal will come before you know it 🙂

Post # 5
Member
663 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017 - Vegas Wedings

You know far more about your SO and how is than we do, so its hard to give you any advice. But it does sound like he has plans so pushing and having in depth conversation doesnt sound necessary.

Also your friend who said you need to “reverse that damage” and say “you’re not ready for marriage.”  That sounds really juvenile and manipulative. Especially after almost 5 years.

Post # 6
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee

It can be confusing to recieve conflicting advice, and difficult to tune it out, but you need to trust your instincts and do what YOU feel is best. I certainly don’t think telling him you “aren’t ready” when you clearly are is a good idea. There’s no point in taking a step backwards and lying about how you feel. You dont need to be pushy about it either, he says he’s been saving for a ring so he is definitely on the right track.

Be open, be honest, then let it be. Have a conversation to find out where you stand, then just step back and let things progress naturally. 

Post # 7
Member
812 posts
Busy bee

@missjuli:  That sounds really frustrating. I’d say when the advice differs, be honest with him – I have high anxiety about my future and my poor SO always gets the brunt of it but I always tell him the reasoning behind it etc and tbh after a really honest, and private chat then I always feel much better and closer to him. He gets frustrated if I want to talk too often in detail but I think he secretly likes it too – you know what men are like lol

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