Post # 1
We’ve been engaged for about a month now, and of course everyone has been asking about our wedding date. We’d toyed with two ideas- the first, and more likely: August 14, 2010. Early fall wedding, decent weather (we’re in Ohio so it’s turning the fall-corner by then), plenty of time to let our guests plan out travel arrangements etc. #2 was late spring/early summer 2011. Fiance would be finishing his Masters (but beginning his PhD), and we’d be able to go on our honeymoon immediately- where as we’d have a mini-moon for the earlier date, and then the full honeymoon later.
It didn’t take us very long to decide that the August date fit us much better. We didn’t really need or want a long engagement, it would be just enough time to plan without feeling overwhelmed, but not too much that I would lose interest (in planning!)
The venue was an easy decision- FI’s stepfather owns a gorgeous bed and breakfast that specializes in weddings. Free ceremony/reception site. No brainer. We started thinking: this is it! Our August wedding is really happening!
A month ago another couple asked FI’s step-father about getting married at the Manor “sometime in 2010.” At that point he was completely open and said what amounts to “send me a contract, a deposit, and it’s yours.” There are 52 weekends in a year, and we found out today they chose our weekend. They had already written the check. Now we have the option of booting them- which is both bad for his business and bad karma- for all I know this bride probably has other deposits down for catering, flowers etc. for that date. I wouldn’t want to do that to her. Or we change our date.
So here we are. I was so excited to start feeling like a real ‘bride-to-be.’ I had started picking out Save-The-Date Cards, contacted photogs, looked at caterers. Now it looks like I won’t even need to really be thinking about these things for another 6 months at least. I suppose it’s better to start early but still, it breaks my heart. I had always imagined a fall wedding, and it finally seemed ‘real.’
Thanks for indulging my vent. It’s dreary out today and that isn’t helping. I just needed some hive hugs.
Post # 3
what about the weekend after or the weekend before? since you haven’t set the 8/14 date with anyone yet right? or is that a special date you want to keep?
Post # 4
maybe it just seems easier to me as an outsider, but what about the weekend before or after? We picked our wedding date based on the rates (summer vs winter) and when they could squeeze us in. Nothing too romantical about the dates!
Post # 5
Oh no. This is hard. I don’t know that I’d be able to kick the other bride out either. Is it really impossible to have it the weekend before or the weekend after?
Post # 6
what about the weekend before or after? would that still fit into your travel schedule, etc?
Post # 7
August still counts as summer. Fall begins Sept 23 so your “dream fall wedding” can still happen.
Try another date. I wouldn’t try to push your FI’s step-father to cancel their date for you guys.
Post # 8
Those are good suggestions, we thought about them too! Here’s why it wouldn’t work as well:
If we moved it to the weekend before, Fiance will be in finals until the day before the wedding. Not good for the stress factor, and not much time to help out with final preparations.
The weekend after would mean he’d have to go to his first day of fall classes 2 days after the wedding. Again, not very romantic. We loved the idea of the 14th because we could take a mini-moon (3-5 days during the week before fall term).
Post # 9
mini moon BEFORE the date of the wedding =D just throwing out ideas
Post # 10
Let me clarify something- Fiance is a masters student and teaches at the University- there are no dates during fall term that would work for us. We wanted to keep the date while he wasn’t in school for that reason. And Cherries- I know it isn’t past the solstice, but it was the closest we could get.
Also, if I didn’t make it clear- we are not booting the other couple. It was an option offered to us by FSFIL, but neither I, nor Fiance could justify doing that to someone.
Thanks for your suggestions though, I appreciate it!
Post # 11
Working around school schedules is a pain–it’s one of the reasons why I ended up with a wedding in a month/season I’d never even considered (and on a Sunday to boot). But since picking the date, I’ve grown more and more fond of it and wedding planning is always exciting, not matter when the date. I’d say look at school schedules and figure out what other possible dates (and seasons) might work for you and imagine what they would look like in your head. I bet you find something you’ll learn to love just as much.
Also, there’s nothing stopping you from wedding planning several months longer. I’ve done a lot of my stuff way-early (again, largely because of school timing) and you really do get your pick of vendors and have so much more time to decide on things and get your ideas together.
Post # 12
Is there anyway to contact the other bride or even have your FI’s step-father explain the situation? Who knows – maybe she’s willing to switch weekends, especially since you have a pretty vaild reason for wanting the date. And it’s still a year out, it’s not like it’s only a few months away.
Post # 13
Can you pick another venue? Can you do it on Friday instead of Saturday?- I am assuming the 14th is a Saturday.
Post # 14
@starburst- we did consider this, but I don’t know if I want to put FSFIL in that position. Maybe I will have him feel it out, but let it be on her terms.
@TheFutureMrs.Q- financially it doesn’t make sense to choose another venue, when we get such a gorgeous and ideal one for free. Plus i’m pretty sure Future Mother-In-Law and FSFIL would be pretty upset if we decided to go with someone else. And you rent the Manor for the weekend, so that weekend is totally out.
Post # 15
Second the Friday suggestion.
Also, does he go to school/teach all summer long? I only ask because I’m a masters student and there’s two summer sessions — one during June and one during July. Does he work through/take both? Because maybe you could do it a little earlier in the summer…?
Also, isn’t there usually a break between spring and summer classes? Maybe then?
Just throwing out ideas…
Post # 16
- Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School
UM, I’m sorry but doesn’t family trump some random outside bride 10 times out of 10? Forget the other bride, if your FH’s stepfather is allowing you the option of keeping your date, KEEP IT!!! Why did he allow this bride to choose that date anyways? I wouldn’t worry about her, she’ll figure something out and you deserve the date you chose!