(Closed) so much resentment with in-laws… help?

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2200 posts
Buzzing bee

Really, you just got to let it go. I am sure she is doing some of this to make you upset and cause you to fuss. If she sees that it isn’t affecting you, she will rethink what she is doing. It is easier said than done but don’t reward bad behavior. It took me a LONG time to learn this when it comes to my in-laws…. But now that I have followed that, my in-laws have really calmed down a lot and my relationship has greatly improved. 


Post # 4
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Awe, first off, hugs to you. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this.

Honestly I think the best thing you can do is to try an iignore the monster-in-law. Don’t let her rain on your parade and refuse to be hurt by her petty and childish behavior. (Easier said than done, I know, but if you repeat that to yourself it may help).

If your Fiance has always been a Mama’s boy, she is likely going through some major withdrawls. Is it fair to you? Absolutely not. Is there anything you can  do about it that doesn’t force Fiance to choose between you or his mom? Probably not. As far as grandma goes, maybe you need to ask Fiance calmly (and unemotionally) if he wants to visit because he WANTS to and feels he should or if he is trying to please his mother. Maybe asking him to evaluate his sudden change of mind will bring some peace for both of you.

Again, I am sorry and I hope it gets better.

Post # 5
2515 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I apologize, I did not read through your whole post. But I can totally relate. I have A LOT of resentment built up with my in laws for different reasons and it definitely has taken a big toll on my relationship with my DH. The only advice I can give you is to try to find peace with things. You can’t control other people, you can only control how you react to them. I know this sounds cheesy/cliche, but it helps me a lot–that it’s not HER fault she upsets me. She is how she is, but it is my fault for letting her actions/words affect me so negatively and then the worse part….taking it out on DH.

Post # 6
1761 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I seriously feel like you are talking abt MY Mother-In-Law here. She has put a LOT OF FRICTION between Fiance and me. It still hurts me when I think abt what they have put me through. Viscious, back-stabbing, gossiping, low-minded persons.

I talked to Fiance abt how it all makes me feel and what I would prefer. I also highlighted points like “how would you feel if my mum did this/that” or whatever his mum does. I do this when he isn’t mad or running high on emtions in general. This way he can think clearly and doesn’t take it offensively or light-heartedly. He  gets the point. Men are smarter than what we give them credit for.

And he then deals with his family appropriately. IF they start insulting me, etc., he will say something rather than telling me to ‘just ignore it’. Because they just take it to the next level if I ignore things. It always comes back just al ittle bit worse than before next time and the insulting gradually increases in intensity. Which is why it’s important to nip things in the bud.


Post # 7
1395 posts
Bumble bee

I’m sorry, it sucks to feel this way.  I have sorta been feeling some resentment towards my Future In-Laws lately, and I have been withdrawing from them and being grumpy with Fiance.  I have been really close to my in-laws, actually.  But, some circumstances have led me to feeling upset. 

I am still not over it, so I can’t really provide you with any specific advice.  Just, if you need to talk, I am always here!

Post # 8
629 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Things like this can really wear on you so it’s important you figure out a way to let things roll off your back. It’s very common for mil and dil’s to feel a little competitive over fi/son. It sort of sounds like your both competing for his time and well to be blunt his love. Sometimes it helps to see it that way to help you understand your reactions and her actions. Just tell yourself he loves and is marrying you, try to roll with things and limit some of your time with her. It will help her attitude if she sometimes has time with him without you. There is nothing that can be done about what has happened only about what will happen. The truth is she’s probably not as upset as you are so I wouldn’t let her affect you so much.

Post # 9
3605 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Mother-In-Law anger aside i think you need to put some of the blame where it is due and thats on your Fiance. if his actions/changing his mind are angering you then thats him. at some point hes going to have to understand and put into action that you are his priority and stand up for you to others

although i gotta say, going back to visit his dying grandmother should be encouranged

Post # 10
2315 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I did read through this whole thing and think that you certainly do have some legit gripes with Future Mother-In-Law. I have two comments: 

1. I agree with  @armychica06:  when she says not to reward bad behavior. It only feeds people like that and makes it worse. 

2. Let the latest issue with his grandmother go. Whether or not his mom made him change his mind, there’s a very good chance he would regret this for the rest of his life if he didn’t go. It’s a small sacrifice you can make for him. 

As for the rest of it, just hang in there. MILs and DILs have been fighting since the dawn of time and they will continue to do so. I’ts likely particularly bad because Fiance used to be a momma’s boy. Hugs!! 

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