Post # 1
OK y’all… My 1LT and I are both from Illinois, we met a little over 3 years ago while getting our degrees at Southern IL Carbondale. His family is all up in a suburb of Chicago (read: overpriced wedding everything) and mine is in “Corntown USA” central IL — No good wedding locations. He commissioned after Army ROTC in August 08. I graduated with my BS in May 09. We moved two weeks later to Dothan, near Ft. Rucker, AL, when he reported for flight school.
Fast forward — August 2010 — he surprised me with a ring stuck in a pint of my favorite ice cream during a quiet night at home! Around that time we both agreed we want to share personal vows (traditions, ceremony, reception, the whole shebang) with as much of our family and friends as possible since the military will make it hard for us to see everyone all together otherwise. We are trying for a date: Veterans Day Weekend, 2011 in So.IL (11/12/11) so that more of our military friends may attend/stand up for him (one is sched to be deployed until Sept/Oct ’11) [OH! off topic — but come to find out my half-sister matron-of-honor has another wedding to go to on 11/11/11. GRRR! I’m hoping she comes to her senses and skips the reception for rehearsal.]
Then comes November 2010… we get PCS orders (no *exact* dates yet) for after he graduates Apache advanced airframe training in May… to Ft. Drum, NY. Both of us were crushed; it was at the bottom of the preference list… nevermind that. Now, we’re both feeling like maybe living on post this time might be the better option. We’d both have more support than we’ve had here. I hate to fall into that old cliche, but I need the healthcare (not going to go into why) and I hate how the other Army wives snubbed me while living here. They pretty much made it clear I wasn’t “in the club” yet, and I don’t want to get off on the wrong foot in New York. Getting married beforehand would make moving easier, speedup paperwork and the housing waitlist.
But if the “short dress” wedding does happen, we still want to do the “chapel train” wedding later on. Is this selfish? I’m kind of feeling it is because we’re not getting married ahead of time because of an up and coming deployment (he got lucky this time!)… just to move on post. I hate the installation policies. Would this even matter to anyone but us?
My questions are: Could we realistically get married around the time of his graduation (May) while his immediate family is in town and invite my parents to come also? Would that be enough time before reporting to Ft. Drum? How do we explain it to our parents the small ceremony isn’t it for us, that we still want the main wedding in the fall?
Post # 3
I think if you want to do it, you should just elope and go to the courthouse. That way you don’t have to worry too much about planning two weddings.
Post # 4
I had a kind of similar situation but my husband is from South Africa. Anyway, we did a quick wedidng in a court room and to avoid any hard feelings we invited NO ONE. See, we didn’t want anyone to witness our “real” marriage becuase then when we had the big wedding, they might feel bad or dumb that one half of the family already saw it. Everyone is happy to know that we are married but they will see it for the first time this April..hope this makes sense…sorry I’m tired!
Post # 5
See I understand why you’d want to do that… elope or get officially married just the two of you — sounds great — but I’m not sure I can! I would feel so weird not having at least our parents there. If we drew the line there, I think I could deal… otherwise I’m going to really have to sit down and pep talk myself into it. I don’t want to hide the fact that we got married beforehand, because I know that would really cause hard feelings among family/friends.
Post # 6
I wasn’t in the “club” until recently but nobody ever snubbed me or treated me crappy. I’m sorry to hear that–i don’t get why “the club” is such a big deal, LOL.
If you get married in May, once you get your marriage license (a week later) you go on base and enroll in the system. Once you get your card, that’s it. Are you saying you want to get married in May AND in the fall?
Post # 7
Hi! I’m stationed up at Fort Drum, NY. I am active duty military so I can tell you sort of what to expect. Your fiance will get 2 or 3 “travel days” when he is done down at Rucker, that’s the “free” leave the army gives him to get all of his stuff up to Drum. On top of that…he can take as many leave days as he wants between the time he is done down there, up until his Report Date that is on his Orders. Therefore, realistically he could take 15 days of leave (if he has them), giving you guys plenty of time for a wedding. One advantage…if you do get married BEFORE you head to Drum, he will get PTDY…which is 10 free days of leave to find a house for you both and get settled in. Hope that helps some! :] you can message me if you have more questions. Good luck!
Post # 8
A little update…
We did end up getting legally wed back in March and are have been on the housing waitlist since the end of May. Come to find out shortly after that he was to be deployed to Afghanistan beginning in June and be home sometime mid-fall 2011. Ok, it’s a short one, we can deal with that… as long as his butt’s back here by November, I promise I won’t complain about the extra funds coming our way!
Post # 9
@Bowden2Be:🙂 We did the “short dress” wedding too– LOL never heard it called that. We did like @futurerissstar: and invited NO ONE and told everyone that it wasn’t the “real” one.
Have fun planning! It will help during the deployment to have something else to work on. 🙂