(Closed) So, my 1st friend just got engaged…

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
3668 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Been there πŸ™ Boyfriend or Best Friend and I have been together for four and a half years. It’s a sucky feeling when couples who’ve gotten together after us have gotten married before us. I don’t really have any advice, just wanted to empathize!

Post # 5
Member
338 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I went through the same exact thing. I’m 21 currently. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 5 years. My other friends started getting engaged to their boyfriends they met in college while me and my boyfriend weren’t engaged. I was so so so upset. I was jealous and kept thinking, “we deserve to get married more than they do!!” (I know this is irrational and that nobody “deserves” to get married more than anyone else. I was just upset). 

Our reason we didn’t get engaged back then was that we were/are in an LDR and wanted to wait until we both get our degrees (which he just got and I’m walking the stage in 3 weeks!). So, we knew it would happen one day, it just sucked to wait while everyone else got what I wanted. If you’re in the same situation (holding off engagement for practical reasons), my advice is to hold on and just ride it out. One day, you’ll be planning your wedding. It will come.

Many hugs. I totally feel for you <3

Post # 6
Member
1088 posts
Bumble bee

@AnastasiaM:  I know what you are talking about. . .I don’t get jealous of people who get married/engaged, but sometimes, I just feel like, “I wish I had that, too!”

Post # 7
Member
21 posts
Newbee

@Anastasia M: definitely know what you mean! My best  friend got married this year after being with her bf for about half the time I’ve been with mine (and I’ve done long distance etc… been difficult…for 7 years! And I’m 28) I know it’s not like anyone ‘deserves’ to get married more than anyone else, but I totally had that gut reaction when I found out (they announced it at a dinner and I honestly felt like I’d been kicked in the stomach). I know you are probably doing this anyway, but try and be happy for her and know that there are people that do understand and certainly don’t judge you for feeling awful when you heard the news.

 

Post # 8
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Not to sound jaded but many of the quick college engagements didn’t last for my circle of acquaintances.  I’d just ride it out.

Post # 9
Member
807 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@bookworm88:  Ditto.

Waiting a long time is hard, but the advantage is that you two have had much more of an opportunity to get to know each other really well and learn how to work through things. It can be a more solid foundation to build your marriage on. 

Post # 10
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Iwas born in ’91 as well. I’ve been with my Fiance through high school and we got engaged last July (wedding this weekend) and so yes, I understand what you’re feeling. Plenty of people have gotten engaged either before or right after us who have o ly been dating for a year or less. It isn’t jealousy, or “stealing my thunder”, I guess I’m more concerned… Because I feel like I waited a long time to be sure and she didn’t. I feel like I ” paid my dues” somehow by waitIng. 

Anyway I know how you feel!

Post # 11
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Not judging, but just wanted to point out the other side here…my Darling Husband and I got engaged a year and a half into our relationship, when we were 22 and 26 (we’re now married and 24 and 28). I had some friends that I had to be careful about how I told, that I knew were judging me and feeling bitter towards me because they were older and had been with their SO longer than me or whatever. And it sucked that it couldn’t just be a happy and exciting moment when I told my friends. You’re going to want people to be happy and excited for you when your proposal does come, and it’s hard to have that kind of reaction with friends that had judged my engagement. So my advice is to give them the same reaction you’ll want from friends when your proposal comes.

Post # 12
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Yes, I’ve been there. First, nearly all of my friends starting getting engaged and married at 18, when I didn’t even have a boyfriend. So, it was really rough. And then, I had at least four or five friends gett engaged and married while I’ve been with Fiance (five years), so that’s been emotionally rough, and they were together less than Fiance were before we got engaged. Now, we’re engaged and getting married, while friends are having babies (sometimes their second or third). Timelines are tough!

Post # 13
Member
40 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I know how you feel. I was with my F for 10 years before we got engaged. You see A LOT of people get engaged and married who weren’t together as long as you. It’s rough but your time will come, I promise. πŸ™‚

Post # 14
Member
3587 posts
Sugar bee

I’m so old…my eyes bugged when you said born in 1991.  I keep forgetting that’s a person in their early 20s. Happens in old age. πŸ™‚

Don’t feel bad. I feel the same way. I’ve had 2 relatives meet, marry and get pregnant within our 3 1/2 year relationship and yes, I was jealous. Especially of the cousin who met and married her husband within 6 months. πŸ™

It’ll be your turn soon enough! πŸ™‚

Post # 16
Member
808 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I’m 35….so I’ve watched friends get engaged, married and have babies for about 13 years now.  The hardest part has been the last year, as I’m waiting for my own proposal!  πŸ™‚

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