Post # 1
After being with her Fiance for about 1/3 of the time I’ve been with Boyfriend or Best Friend (4 years).
We’re still quite young (born in ’91, so 21 & 20), so maybe that’s part of the reason why I was caught even more off guard. We drifted apart after high school but we were very close friends for so many years, so I am very happy for her (of course) but also somewhat jealous.
I’m not sure exactly what the point to this post is, but I thought you ladies could understand & wouldn’t judge me for admitting I’m a bit jealous. Also, I now feel so much more for all of you people who have had to watch many friends get engaged before you.
Post # 3
Been there 🙁 Boyfriend or Best Friend and I have been together for four and a half years. It’s a sucky feeling when couples who’ve gotten together after us have gotten married before us. I don’t really have any advice, just wanted to empathize!
Post # 4
@Regina Phalange: Thank you. I realize that it isn’t a big deal in the scheme of things, which makes me feel worse about being jealous. As much as this sucks & I wish nobody else had to deal with it, it is comforting to know that somebody else has been there and isn’t judging me for feeling this way.
Post # 5
I went through the same exact thing. I’m 21 currently. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 5 years. My other friends started getting engaged to their boyfriends they met in college while me and my boyfriend weren’t engaged. I was so so so upset. I was jealous and kept thinking, “we deserve to get married more than they do!!” (I know this is irrational and that nobody “deserves” to get married more than anyone else. I was just upset).
Our reason we didn’t get engaged back then was that we were/are in an LDR and wanted to wait until we both get our degrees (which he just got and I’m walking the stage in 3 weeks!). So, we knew it would happen one day, it just sucked to wait while everyone else got what I wanted. If you’re in the same situation (holding off engagement for practical reasons), my advice is to hold on and just ride it out. One day, you’ll be planning your wedding. It will come.
Many hugs. I totally feel for you <3
Post # 6
@AnastasiaM: I know what you are talking about. . .I don’t get jealous of people who get married/engaged, but sometimes, I just feel like, “I wish I had that, too!”
Post # 7
@Anastasia M: definitely know what you mean! My best friend got married this year after being with her bf for about half the time I’ve been with mine (and I’ve done long distance etc… been difficult…for 7 years! And I’m 28) I know it’s not like anyone ‘deserves’ to get married more than anyone else, but I totally had that gut reaction when I found out (they announced it at a dinner and I honestly felt like I’d been kicked in the stomach). I know you are probably doing this anyway, but try and be happy for her and know that there are people that do understand and certainly don’t judge you for feeling awful when you heard the news.
Post # 8
Not to sound jaded but many of the quick college engagements didn’t last for my circle of acquaintances. I’d just ride it out.
Post # 9
Waiting a long time is hard, but the advantage is that you two have had much more of an opportunity to get to know each other really well and learn how to work through things. It can be a more solid foundation to build your marriage on.
Post # 10
Iwas born in ’91 as well. I’ve been with my Fiance through high school and we got engaged last July (wedding this weekend) and so yes, I understand what you’re feeling. Plenty of people have gotten engaged either before or right after us who have o ly been dating for a year or less. It isn’t jealousy, or “stealing my thunder”, I guess I’m more concerned… Because I feel like I waited a long time to be sure and she didn’t. I feel like I ” paid my dues” somehow by waitIng.
Anyway I know how you feel!
Post # 11
Not judging, but just wanted to point out the other side here…my Darling Husband and I got engaged a year and a half into our relationship, when we were 22 and 26 (we’re now married and 24 and 28). I had some friends that I had to be careful about how I told, that I knew were judging me and feeling bitter towards me because they were older and had been with their SO longer than me or whatever. And it sucked that it couldn’t just be a happy and exciting moment when I told my friends. You’re going to want people to be happy and excited for you when your proposal does come, and it’s hard to have that kind of reaction with friends that had judged my engagement. So my advice is to give them the same reaction you’ll want from friends when your proposal comes.
Post # 12
Yes, I’ve been there. First, nearly all of my friends starting getting engaged and married at 18, when I didn’t even have a boyfriend. So, it was really rough. And then, I had at least four or five friends gett engaged and married while I’ve been with Fiance (five years), so that’s been emotionally rough, and they were together less than Fiance were before we got engaged. Now, we’re engaged and getting married, while friends are having babies (sometimes their second or third). Timelines are tough!
Post # 13
I know how you feel. I was with my F for 10 years before we got engaged. You see A LOT of people get engaged and married who weren’t together as long as you. It’s rough but your time will come, I promise. 🙂
Post # 14
I’m so old…my eyes bugged when you said born in 1991. I keep forgetting that’s a person in their early 20s. Happens in old age. 🙂
Don’t feel bad. I feel the same way. I’ve had 2 relatives meet, marry and get pregnant within our 3 1/2 year relationship and yes, I was jealous. Especially of the cousin who met and married her husband within 6 months. 🙁
It’ll be your turn soon enough! 🙂
Post # 15
Wow, thank you everybody. I’m feeling much better this morning; I don’t think finding out at 1am helped my ability to think rationally lol. I certainly am happy for her and wish her all the best, she was a great friend to me for many years and I’m glad she found happiness. Since I found out by seeing pictures celebrating her engagement on Facebook, all she got was happiness from me. I had a brief moment last night when I let out a few tears in front of my SO, but I think I’ve moved past that now.
I am trying to think of all the positive things about waiting… SO & I have been togther 4 years, did about 2 years in a LDR, lived together for the better part of a year, etc. We know each other. We’ve known we wanted to marry each other very early, despite the fact that we started dating in high school, and have only had a couple big arguements over the years, so forget breaking up. I may have to wait another two years, but damn it it’ll be worth it lol.
@Wonderstruck: It’s always good to hear the other side. I certainly haven’t let on that I was jealous and I truly am happy for her. I certainly don’t judge the quickness either (SO’s parents dated for 2 months pre-engagement at 20 & 21 and are still ridiculously happy now that they’re almost 50!), it just caught me a bit off guard.
@MsMamaBear: haha I definitely realize that we’re young. I found out in the past week and a half that the first person I went to school with is pregnant as well, so I’m starting to realize that we’re not so young any more too. (I realize it seems funny, given that I’m here, but I am probably looking at another 1-2 years before I get engaged.)
Post # 16
I’m 35….so I’ve watched friends get engaged, married and have babies for about 13 years now. The hardest part has been the last year, as I’m waiting for my own proposal! 🙂