Post # 1
my mom invited a few of her friends that are NOT invited to the wedding. I know this is terrible etiquette. I hope she hasn’t verbally invited them to the wedding (I have all the paper invitations, not her) because we are already at capacity and I hope these people aren’t expecting an invite. I know who they are but haven’t seen them in like ten years.
Should I just let this go and hope they don’t expect an invite or should I address my mom about it?
Post # 3
I am nowhere near my bridal shower, but my mom told me she wanted to do this as well. I told her it wasn’t very good etiquette since they were not invited to the wedding. But apparently her friends ASKED to be invited to the bridal shower. They understand wedding seating is limited, but they are happy for me and really want to be there. So, I’d say address your mom and make sure she understands. But they might just want to be there to support her, as their friend, and as someone who is really just happy for you. Some people really do just want to give to give and expect nothing (except a wonderful thank you note) in return! Good luck!
Post # 4
Your mother is responsible for her own manner missteps, not you….I’m not sure who’s hosting, but having a close family member host the shower as well is an Emily Post No-No too…I would advise the host, and have them wrangle…otherwise, let your mother stew in the mess, it’s not your area!
Post # 5
My sister which is my maid of honor is hosting it but it is at my mother’s house because she lives in an apartment and can’t accomodate all the people. So technically my mom is helping her host it.
Post # 6
I have seen this happen many times.. I even went to 2 bridal showers (invited to 3) where I was not a guest at the wedding. It was really not a big deal for me. Yes, it is weird but at the end of the day, I decided to go.
If you are not Ok with that, tell your mom. If she already invited them, she can’t un-invite them but she needs to make it clear to them that they aren’t invited to the wedding. She knows her friends… maybe they just want to be there. I know a few of my fmil’s friends that I am not inviting to my wedding that would love to come to my shower.
Post # 7
It’s definitely a faux pas, but it’s your mother’s not your own. Thank the women just as sincerely as if they were coming to the wedding. Instead of writing “And we can’t wait to see you at the wedding” on the shower thank you notes, you could write that you look forward to a different event at which you will see them. Then don’t worry about it.
Post # 8
A couple of people that weren’t invited to the wedding came to my bachelorette party. They were people Maid/Matron of Honor knows that I don’t. She called and asked me if they could come and I was like sure as long as they know they’re not coming to the wedding. It was super fun and I had no problems after words. They both were wonderful people and we all had a good time. I think the key is the people knowing in advance that their attendance gets them a wedding invite. In my case that was pretty clear because I had never met either of them. I wouldn’t expect a gift from them though.
Post # 9
What happened to @Beezysbreezy: happened to me, too! I felt so bad that these two ladies weren’t invited to the wedding but I hadn’t seen them since I was a little kid, only my mom stayed in touch. They were helping my mom and Maid/Matron of Honor set up the shower and really wanted to be there even though they knew they weren’t invited to the wedding. I made sure to write an extra-nice thank you to them!
If I were you I’d check with your mom that they know they aren’t invited to the wedding. Depending on how they came to be invited it might be okay or it could be awkward.
Post # 10
Ok so I talked to my mom and it turns out the first name was incorrect. One of our family friends who IS invited to the wedding has the same last name as the my mom’s friend. When she sent the list of people who were coming to me, she put her friend’s first name instead of the family friend. i.e. should have been Debbie O*** but she put Janet O***. So when I asked her why Janet O*** was invited since she wasn’t invited to the wedding, she looked confused. I showed her the list she sent me and she cleared up the confusion! Oh thank goodness!
The other two she was talking about inviting, she never did. I am in the clear!