(Closed) So my ceremony "demands" a certain type of dress

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1999 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

@11mikesgirl21:  How about you enclose a special sheet of paper to your invitations, describing the Latin Mass to those who aren’t familiar with it and respectfully asking them to wear the appropriate clothing (and describing what that is, obviously). I think it’s in perfectly good taste to include a dress code to your invitations – I prefer it when people do that so I don’t have to worry about showing up in inappropriate attire. 

I think all men and women have clothes that cover their legs and shoulder at home, right? As for head covering for your female guests, I agree with you about providing them yourself because I doubt most women have those at home, it’s a rather specific requirement so it would be nice if you provided those.  

Post # 4
13251 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Definitely provide the head covering.  Most people won’t have it, and won’t think of going to buy one.  As for letting people know about the attire, I agree with @MsMeow  about having a little insert made to put in the invitation.  If you can, maybe bring a couple cardigans to have off to the side in case some women need to borrow one when they show up with bare shoulders!  (You can ask friends/aunts/moms to borrow some, too, to get different sizes)

Post # 6
12247 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@11mikesgirl21:  Definitely! I would be happy as a guest to have the instructions clearly laid out for me. If you decide not to provide head coverings, you may want to quickly outline what is acceptable. Veils? Hats? Anything goes?

Post # 7
2532 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I second including the special sheet with notes about church attire, and also providing the head covering at the church (maybe ebay will have a good deal on bulk?)

Every Bat/Bar Mitzvah I’ve been to provided head coverings for men and women at the door, since not all guests were Jewish (I’m not) but were expected to cover their heads.

I went to a baptism a year ago, needed a headcovering, and wound up wearing a delicate (but very colorful) scarf. I still wear the scarf but I think it would have been too loud for a wedding.
If you want your guests to look somewhat uniform in photos, I’d suggest supplying the headcovers.

Post # 8
9549 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

This is the one time that, as a guest, I don’t mind being told what to wear. I definitely think you can put the info on the trifold invite. You could also include some general info about the ceremony (duration, etc.) in the invitation. I’d provide head coverings (and say so on the invitation) and have some cheap pashmina wrap things that you can hand out to anybody who forgets. 

Post # 9
1938 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@11mikesgirl21:  Agree with the rest.  I would prefer if the bride told me what the rules are rather than eluding to a Latin wedding and making me look it up online to see what various internet articles say about it.  Definitely make it sound more informational/educational than restrictive or bossy!

Post # 10
784 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@11mikesgirl21:  I like the idea of putting the dress code on a separate insert with the invitations.  I would also mentally prepare yourself for what would happen if your guests are not dressed appropriately.

Post # 11
167 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I agree that an insert would be best. I know I’d be horrified if I turned up in a strapless dress and then realized the dress code. I’d provide the head covererings and maybe buy a few cheap wraps (or buy some fabric to cut and hem it if you’re feeling crafty) in case any of the ladies forget to cover up.

Post # 12
10453 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

I think info in the invitations is a good idea. What happens if they aren’t dressed “appropriately” though? Just curious. 

Post # 14
8429 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - A castle

I agree- include “attire instructions” in the invitations and let them know that this isn’t optional in the nicest way possible. I would provide the head covers or ask if the church has extras.

Post # 15
70 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Adding the dress code to the invite is a good idea!  Although, you may not be able to include it on the trifold invitation itself, at least with the designs that I’ve seen.  I’m using them for my wedding and it was frustrating because they only give you a certain number of lines in each section.  The first piece of the folded card is the ceremony info, the second is the reception info, and the third is the tear off RSVP card.  I’m adding inserts for hotel/ travel info on card stock and then using extra seals on the sides of the folded invites to keep them inside.  That could work.

Post # 16
8145 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think adding that in the invites is Key, and make sure it’s easy to understand! I also wonder, what happens if someone shows up not wearing the appropriate dress? That is bound to happen. Maybe have some shawls for guests to drape over their shoulders or put across their laps?

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