- 4 years ago
EDIT FOR EVERYONE ASKING WHY I WOULD TELL THEM MY PLANS: my parents usually take care of my cat when I am out of town. She is a rescue cat who gets anxious in those PetSmart pet hotels and she likes my parents house, and they love her, so they take care of her if I ever leave town. Obviously, after this I won’t be telling them of our plans and as sad as it is for her, I’ll make other arrangements for kitty.
If you look at my past posts, you will see that I am in the process of detangling myself from my crazy controlling parents. They are Indian, my bf is white and I have been brought up here and therefore have mostly north american view on life (of course). Sorry for the long rant and curse words that follow. Talking to my parents is like banging your head against a brick wall sometimes, so have to let it out here.
My hovering, overprotective Indian parents who didn’t “allow” me to move out till I was 24
I am 26 year old goddamn adult living in in a different city and my bf and I have been together for a year. We are serious about each other and are working towards marriage.
So it’s summer and my bf and I had been planning our first vacation together over the last month. I first mentioned this to my parents a month ago because I wanted their advice on some of our vacation spots (where they’ve been, so I thought they would be happy to help us out with some recommendations)… boy was I wrong! The first time I mentioned it, I got immediately shut down and scoffed at because “they were never going to allow their daughter to spend the night with a boy she has ‘no relationship’ with”, nevermind the fact that we have been together for a year and they have met him. I literally thought they were joking because on no level of rationality did I think it was possible for them to believe that I needed their permission to go on a vacation that I was paying for.
We were originally planning to go a bit later in the summer, but my bf couldn’t get vacation approved for later, so we moved up our plans and started planning something for the next long weekend. Everything was going well, we’d finally decided on a budget and time. I mentioned it to my mother over the phone and she tried to pull the “remember what we talked about? no overnight trips” and I said to her “I am an adult, you’re being ridiculous, we’re going on our vacation”. I thought that was the end of it. Again… I was wrong!
We finalized our plans and booked our tickets and hotels. Then I went home for Father’s Day and things went to hell. When I mentioned to my parents that we had finally figured out our plans for our vacation… my dad lost his shit. He wouldn’t stop yelling at me in the car, I ignored it and went to my room, wishing I’d never come home in the first place. Then my mother came up to my room, tried to convince me to not go, when I didn’t see things her way, she said “I’m disappointed in you but I guess I can’t stop you. It’s your responsibility to convince your father” … and not even half an hour later, my dad storms into my room and threatens to “disown” me if I went on that vacation because no daughter of his was allowed to have premarital sex or spend a night alone with a boy she is not married to. “You have to choose, him or me”
Never mind the fact that I live alone in a different city and if they really used their brains, they would figure out that I don’t need to spend hundreds of $$ just to have sex with my bf!
I was basically shell shocked by this time because before this, my parents had been relatively sane, if not a little controlling. I called my bf and explained what happened and being sweet person that he is, he offered to cancel our vacation so I wouldn’t have to be in the position that my dad had put me in! I was so emotionally exhausted by this time that I just let him go ahead and cancel our plans.
The next morning, of course, my parents acted like they had done nothing wrong. That I should’ve “asked for permission” if I wanted to go on a vacation with my own bf (I am still not sure why they think I need their permission). I tried over and over to explain to them that I don’t need to, that they were being ridiculous and that because of them, my poor bf who hasn’t had a vacation in a long time was going to have to give up his vacation…
…I was pretty ready to just say fuck it and go anyway, but my bf keeps saying that we should try to give them this one, so they can ease into the idea of us going away together next time. So, now, all of our plans are cancelled. My dad finally calms the fuck down after I tell him that our plans have been cancelled. And then my mother goes and pulls this gem: “You can go if you promise not to have sex with him”
I gape at her and tell her that my bf no longer has an interest in going because of all this craziness my family has unleashed on him. I left after that conversation. They just don’t seem to think they’ve done anything wrong. “This is our culture, you have to follow it” … no, I didn’t grow up in that culture!
So now because of their disgusting behavior (mostly my dad, tbh) my bf and I can’t go on our first planned vacation and we have to scrap all our plans and figure out what to do with the week we’ve already taken off work! -_-
Anyway, at the end of this rant, the tl;dr is: my bf is an amazingly understanding person (more so than I would be in his place!) and my parents are fucking insane.
Bonus: I didn’t even mention the part where they talked about how “generous” they’ve been with me in the past by giving me my freedom to “move out and not come home every weekend”… I don’t even know how my bf has the patience to put up with this. I barely can.
I should also note that I do not share their belief that premarital sex is bad, and it offends me on so many levels that they think that they can control my body and tell what I can and cannot do with it, especially when I am in no way financially dependant on them!