(Closed) So my crazy parents just made me cancel my first vacation with my bf

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 31
Member
222 posts
Helper bee

I grew up in a similar type of household.  I find our relationship works best if I just don’t tell them stuff unless it’s necessary.

Post # 32
Member
3035 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Also…cancelling the vacation doesn’t help “ease” them into it. You both basically just gave in. They manipulated you both and you both took it. Be prepared for boundaries to continue to be crossed as long as you both keep allowing it.

Post # 33
Member
890 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

View original reply
hermionegranger:  Ok, seriously. You told them about your vacation plans and they freaked out. You brought it up again, and they freaked out, again. You kept bringing it up, over and over again, and they kept reacting the same way (duh).

Methinks you love the drama. Don’t even pretend that you don’t. I feel sorry for your boyfriend. Grow up.

Post # 34
Member
944 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Don’t bring stuff up after the first encounter didn’t turn out well. You knew their reaction to the vacation yet you told them about it at least 3 times. You gave them the info to be upset with you. You don’t live with them and claim to be independent from them, so be independent from them. 

Post # 36
Member
730 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I absolutely would never have cancelled that vacation. It shows they still have power over you. Eff that. Go anyway and just don’t tell them til after.

Post # 37
Member
2375 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

View original reply
hermionegranger:  Book a couple of nights at a romantic B&B in the area, and surprise him! Pack a bag for you both, tell him to get in the car and have fun! You’ve got the days off already, make the most of it. You need to take a stand and show him that your relationship is the priority. 

Post # 39
Member
893 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

View original reply
Ryansgirl:  Hmmm.  I don’t.  When I was 26 I would have laughed if my parents said who I could or couldn’t go on vacation with.  So yeah, she does need to grow up.

Post # 41
Member
9976 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
hermionegranger:  Your bf’s reaction could be one of two things.  It could be he’s an amazing human being who loves you, sees a future with you and values your relationship so much that he doesn’t want to risk offending your parents, so he canceled the trip plans.  Or, it could be he’s losing interest due to the interference of your overly controlling parents and sees the writing on the wall for your future.  I hope for your sake it’s the former and not the latter.

Post # 42
Member
9425 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

yeah, my parents used to be super controlling (albeit when I was a minor) so I never told them shit.  I just.. lived my life.  

You really need to just not tell them things until WAY after the fact.  My parents still dont know I have some pretty big tattoos on my body… I’ve had them for 6 years now!  My plan is to NEVER let them know. 🙂

Post # 43
Hostess
3995 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

View original reply
hermionegranger:  My parents were always adament about me not going on vacations with my now-FI, so I would just not tell them when we went.  I would stop telling them things that they are going to freak out about.

Post # 44
Member
2166 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

This is when you stop telling your parents what you’re doing, that way they never have the chance to react this way. 

Post # 45
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

View original reply
hermionegranger:  I think you should tell them that the virgin ship has sailed. They can either be in your life or not. You do not have to live your life the way they have lived theirs. It would be a stupid thing to lose your daughter over in this day and age. Your body your choice. Having sex does not devaule you in any way. In the future just don’t tell them things. If they get mad about that then tell them they can either live in ignorance or be happy for you but you will not tolerate their judgement. Stop letting them control you. They. Have. No. Right. Go with your boyfriend and have a blast. They are more likely to scare off a husband by acting this way. And it they really want you to marry they need to back the hell off. I read your PP about your bf not being ready. And frankly I don’t blame him. How is he supposed to live with you if your parents freak the eff out about a vacation? 

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