Post # 1
Wow, yesterday was a load of dramatics!!! The short version is, I fired my Maid of Honor yesterday and my wedding is in 15 days…amazingly, I’m not stressed out at all! Is that wrong???
To give you an idea of all the drama that leads up to yesterday’s “firing”:
- There were 3 meetings regarding my bridal shower, my future SIL took over after Maid/Matron of Honor rescheduled the meetings continually because of random reasons (hangover, breakfast ran late, tired, etc). Finally, future SIL took over and set dates and times and told all my girls to be there. They all were, Maid/Matron of Honor was late to each meeting and had things to do every meeting so left late. Refused to chip in money for any event.
- Dresses – complained about the price of the dress I picked out. I didn’t think $144 was that bad for a dress and all the girls said it was definitely a dress they’d wear again!!! It’s a fun dress that they could totally wear out to a winery or something!
- Bridal shower – she showed up an hour after all the girls to help decorate. Complained the entire time. Again, refused to chip in money for it.
- Bachelorette party planning – apparently there were talks during the shower meetings (I wasn’t at any of them, most of the above is hearsay, but I believe my girls) about the party. She nixed every idea and tried to plan it for Labor Day weekend. My family always goes camping Labor Day weekend. We have for years and Maid/Matron of Honor knew. Future SIL stepped in and reminded her and Maid/Matron of Honor apparently threw a total fit because no other date worked for her. Because it inconvenienced her, she refused to help chip in.
- Bachelorette party planning part 2 – Maid/Matron of Honor booked the limo I loved. Awesome! Booked it to pick us up at 10:30 IN THE MORNING so the party would be over by 5. She wanted to make sure she had a good night sleep for breakfast the next day. Last I checked, it wasn’t about her, but whatever. We ended up coming to an agreement where the limo would pick up at 2 so we could enjoy the wineries and then go out that evening. Future SIL and a great friend stepped in and took over all the bachelorette party planning.
- Bachelorette party planning part 3 – Maid/Matron of Honor informed me last week that she “forgot” a friend was getting married the same day as my party, so she’s not coming. So, she’s not going to chip in at all.
THEN, yesterday, she sends me this horrendous email about me being the most unappreciative person she has ever met. That how I dare think that she should chip in anything into my wedding as she has her own wedding to pay for (Mind you, I am in her wedding and have already paid into her shower and the bachelorette party!).
To top things off, since she decided that I’m so unappreciative, she sent out an email to everyone coming to the wineries TOMORROW that she was hosting, the time and location of pick up had all changed and to make sure to send her the money for the seats on the limo. WHAT?!!? So, future SIL and friend had to do some major damage control to fix all this.
I called Maid/Matron of Honor to ask why she would do such a thing. She said that she was angry at my being so unappreciative. She informed me that she has gone “above and beyond” for me and that I should appreciate her more. This was where I snapped. I completely told her off that she has not done anything. Because she would not chip in like all the other bridesmaids did (mind you, the entire chip in was about $100 and some time!! I’m not demanding), my future Mother-In-Law and mom paid her portions. I asked for specifics as to what she has done and that I was upset that she has been so unavailable. I was extremely hurt that my own Maid/Matron of Honor chose to go to a wedding on the bachelorette party date. I didn’t understand how you would “forget” about that, but whatever.
That conversation eventually turned very heated and she told me that she quit. She threatened to cancel the limo and the hotel room she got for me for tomorrow night.
Is it sad that I’m totally 100% okay with this? I slept like a baby last night. I have a feeling that if she did show up to the evening events of the bachelorette party (which she said she MAY go to), that 8 hours of drinking and my mouth wouldn’t make the party end well.
Sorry, I just wanted to vent. I cant believe this was a person that I wanted to stand next to me at the alter as I say my vows. My future SIL will now be my Matron of Honor as she whole heartedly deserves it.
Post # 3
At any point in all of this – had you talked to her ALONE and asked her if everything was okay?
Doesn’t sound like it. She could be in a tight spot financially and not want to talk to strangers (your Future Sister-In-Law, etc) about it.
But, meh, whats done is done. I think losing a friend over two completely OPTIONAL parties is pretty sad.
Post # 4
I am soooo sorry. If my maid of honor decided to act like this she would have been fired a LOOOONG time ago. but I do agree with the above statement of talking to her. If she’s your maid of honor then she’s gotta be pretty close to you. I think talking to her calmly would probably resolve a lot more than screaming and yelling.
Post # 5
It sounds to me like you’re placing a value on the amount of money she’s spent more than anything else. I understand YOU spent money on HER events, but that doesn’t necessarily mean she can and has to spend the money in return. 70% of your problems with her revolved around her not CHIPPING in. I get that she was trying to book things to make them convenient for her, but I think that the conversation you had with her was too little too late. I think you’re not upset about it because you’re still angry. But, I think it’s ridiculous – if you chose her once to be her Maid/Matron of Honor, there must have been a reason why. Personally, I would have told her that you think she cannot afford the financial responsibility of being a Maid/Matron of Honor and that she cannot handle planning your events and her own wedding, so that it would be best if she was a bridesmaid and made your Future Sister-In-Law your Maid/Matron of Honor. It’s clear that she feels like she’s done something to help you out and I know there’s always 2 sides to every story and this is one of those times where I would really like to know what her side is.
Post # 6
Firing her implies that you thought of her as an employee =o( I find it really sad when people think of their bridal party that way. My girls bought their dresses and all I expect is them to show up the day of (mainly because they’ve already RSVP’d yes!)
ETA: this is a good thread to check out that describes the “duties” of bridesmaids/MOH: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/they%E2%80%99re-bridesmaids-not-slaves-verrrrry-long
Post # 7
I think you are just right, ive had a best man problem, have done a post myself, but the problem is sorted now… its just a major inconvenience!
I think she’s maybe just a busy person in general and prob doesnt feel that u understand that, but i dont think she should have commited to being Maid/Matron of Honor if she couldnt support u. I f it was her wedding and u were doing these things to her wud she have liked it.
@mandy pop.. losing a friend over parties is very sad, but also depends on the situation around it. After we lost 23yr friend over our situation, we later found out they have no care or support for us either, they made up lies about us to others they said That ‘I’ had said that my partner (their friend for 23 yrs) was gay. It ended up the friendship was better lost… but every situation differs.
I think maybe you should calm down and as Mandypop says speak to her alone. It sounds tho that you both may find it very hard to control emotions as it has got out of hand when you called her.
Sorry ur in this situation and hope it all resolves itself, small things escalate very quickly with weddings but if its worth sorting out it will happen, otherwise, sometimes friends drift and you gotta let them drift!
Post # 8
Wow, just Wow. Not at your Maid/Matron of Honor, at you, that is horrible behaviour. She’s planning her own wedding and may not be able to ‘pitch in’ for all your events, and you’re upset that she didn’t! You would rather your friend go into debt just so she can pitch into your events, it is not the MOH’s responsibility to throw you lavish parties, yes she is meant to help organize these parties, but people need to be understanding if she just genuinely can’t contribute financially.
As for her being late to attend, WHO CARES, she rescheduled these meetings, and then when SIL took over she still attended them, late but seriously who the heck cares! And on top of that you went off on her from hearsay! A real friend would ask about something before accepting it as fact and going off on someone for it, that is immature behaviour.
She has a WEDING to go to on the day of your bachelorette party, are you really so selfish to think she should skip this other friend’s wedding just to go drink with you before yours? it’s not your actual wedding, but apparently you MUST be more important and put above everyone else.
the $144 dress, fine she doesn’t like it or can’t afford it, you need to ask her which it is before getting all pissy and immature about everything.
Post # 9
I really don’t understand why people are suprised at what the OP did.
If the ex-MOH was having issues, she should has told the OP she did not think she could afford to be in her wedding anymore.
Fair is fair. She asked OP to be in HER wedding fully expecting her to step up knowing OP is a bride. Why can’t she do the same?
Post # 10
I hate when weddings ruin friendships.
Post # 11
Since when did the bridal party become “employees”???? I sure hope you gave her a severance package! 😉 Kidding, but I REALLY hate it when people say they “fired” someone. So dumb.
Post # 12
I love how everyone is so ” oh my god i would never” or ” I can’t believe you did that..”! We all know that deep down, if we were put in the same position with our Maid/Matron of Honor, we would have all acted the same way.
Post # 13
I take these kinds of posts with a grain of salt.
It’s easy to feel victimized when you’re a bride. And I’m not saying that in a condescending or mean way at all, because I’ve been there. (Trust me. I’ve. Been. There.) It’s just that it’s pretty easy to get into the mindset that this is your special day, your wedding, and that people should try to be at least a bit more accommodating than usual to meet your once-in-a-lifetime needs.
The fact is, it sounds like there could be a lot more to your [ex] MOH’s story/situation than we know. For some reason – true or not – your Maid/Matron of Honor feels like she has gone out of her way to contribute to your pre-wedding activities and experiences. Perhaps her perception is clouded by her preoccupation with her own wedding planning, she’s stressed and unable to meet all these financial demands, or maybe her expectations are simply different than yours.
No matter the reason, you should probably ask yourself if this whole mess is worth ruining and ending your friendship so close to your wedding day. You asked her to be your Maid/Matron of Honor for a reason; surely your friendship can’t be that dispensable.
Personally, if I were you, I would try to have a heart-to-heart with your friend and put all negativity aside for the moment. At the very least, it would nice if you could mend things, be on the level with each other, and even attend each others’ weddings.
Post # 14
@FutureMrsDavis10132012: i know that weddings are stressful but not everyone feels that they are a priority over every day life.
your moh has already contributed $100 plus her dress, probably shoes, hair, etc. that is a lot to ask from anyone. why do you expect that from her? maybe she just simply cannot afford it.
moh’s and bm’s are not employees and should not be expected to do anything but stand up for the bride on her special day.
showers, bachelorettes, etc are all bonuses and again should not be expected.
Post # 16
Have you given your Future Sister-In-Law a huge HUG, a card, and a bottle of wine? SHE ROCKS!!!! You’re so lucky that she stepped up, she must really love you!!
How’s it going to work now, I mean you’re supposed to be in her wedding?