(Closed) So my parents are thinking of adopting again…(long)

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
768 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

No experience (or advice on the brothers), but it sounds like your parents are awesome people, hope it works out.

Post # 5
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

They are not too old to adopt!  My perspective is that the youngest boy is at an age where any change is difficult.  He’s a teenager, and he’ll likely resist.  If he really has an issue, then they probably ought to take him to a counselor.  But prior to that, maybe consider opening his eyes to the blessings he does have – the chance to grow up in your family and specifically with all of the advantages that come from growing up in your (presumably first world) country.  Is it possible to take him on a tour of an orphanage so he can see what life would have been like for youngest sister, if she hadn’t been adopted?  Also, maybe as a sister you can talk to him about how much older brother means to him and how sad he’ll be that older brother is going away, to realize your parents want that bond for younger sister?  (I realize this is mushy and not likely to happen, but you can always try.)

Post # 7
Member
14494 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

No advice, but your parents ROCK!  That is such a selfless thing to do to take on a special needs adopted child, let alone two.  There is a special place in my heart for people who have the courage to tackle such a challenge.

Post # 8
Member
7606 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Your parents sound like great people.  Can you maybe talk to your youngest brother yourself about how he feels and then bring it up to your parents, kind of acting as an advocate for his feelings?  Hopefully they’ve already considered how the other kids will feel, but just in case they don’t see that he’s having a hard time with it, maybe you could bring it up privately (maybe with just your mom/dad at first)?

Post # 11
Member
1829 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Wow, your parents are AMAZING!  I’m a social worker as well and people like your parents make my heart swell with happiness, knowing there are people like them to make life better for children whose biological parents were just not capable of raising them.  

Your parents are definitely not to old to adopt (hell, at 43, I will have an 11 yr old child and hopefully one or two younger than that, considering I’m pregnant with our first now at age 32).   As far as your brother – I honestly feel he’s at an age now where he’s old enough to understand why your parents would want to adopt another child.  I think your parents would just need to have a discussion with him about how this is going to change the family dynamic and any roles or responsibilities he may have in the family.  To counteract his feelings of being left out, maybe you and your older brother could make a special effort to do things with him on his own.  Perhaps taking him out driving once he gets his permit?  Maybe visiting his brother at college and going to a college football game?  Just doing some of the more adult things as he’s pretty close to being an adult now as well.   

I’m not sure what age your brother was when your sister was adopted, but I understand how he could have had mixed feelings when he was a bit younger.  I just feel at 15 years old, he’s old enough now to understand the reasons behind this and not see it as being ‘replaced’.   I also like the idea of a PP of going to volunteer at an orphanage just to see how different life is for those kids and how providing them with a home is a monumental improvement to their quality of life.

Good luck with all of this.  I’m still in awe of your parents – they are my role models now.  DH and I would love to be foster parents and/or adopt once our (future) children are a little bit older and reading your story makes me even more committed to following this path in the future!

 

ETA:  I gather from reading further that your sister was adopted from a foreign country and it’s likely your parents would adopt from a foreign country again, which would make it difficult for your brother to really see what life is like at an orphanage for them; however, I think any exposure to that kind of setting would at least be a bit of an eye opening experience.

Post # 15
Member
1400 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I have no advice, but just want to say your parents sound like amazing people! I hope to adopt one day and people like them just make me smile. Smile I do agree that, at 15, while it may be big change…your brother is old enough to understand how awesome what they are doing is!

Post # 16
Member
2114 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I have no advice either but wanted to mention the awesomeness of your parents

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