(Closed) So my patient died….and it sucks.

posted 4 years ago in Career
Post # 3
2352 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I am an ER nurse and I know how tough it is to lose patients. I don’t think it would be inappropriate at all to send flowers. I’m sure the family would appreciate them.

Post # 4
850 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Not a nurse – but when my grandfather passed a few months ago, his critical care pulmonologist came to the wake. My grandfather was never conscious in the ICU, so they didn’t actually get to know each other. But our family really bonded with the doc and it was a lovely, comforting gesture to have him there. He brought a card from the nurses on the floor and it was very sweet.

In my job as a speech pathologist I work with children with severe disabilities and have had several patients pass away over the years. Some deaths are harder to cope with than others and it always seems so unfair when you have a special bond with the child and their family. People always say that when you care deeply, it’s a sign that you are good at your job.

Post # 5
73 posts
Worker bee

@chasesgirl:  I’m a hospital SLP and have gotten really attached to some patients over the years. It’s tough when they don’t make it! I try to attend their funerals when appropriate (if it’s been a long-term patient of mine), or send a nice card. I had a husband of a patient come back 6 months later to thank me for a card I sent. 

I hope your week gets better from here! And I don’t think flowers would be inappropriate at all.

Post # 6
308 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2015


I’m so sorry. It’s funny how certain people can touch our lives in truly meaningful ways in such a short period of time.

I’m not a nurse, so I can’t speak to your code(s) of conduct, but I’m sure you will find a way to honor his family and his memory through your actions or gifts. Best wishes, @chasesgirl, my thoughts are with you tonight.

Post # 7
2100 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m not a nurse, but I just want to say that I feel your connection with him far exceeded anything we could put a label on. It sounds like you and others were meant to meet him as an example in celebrating life. And then I think you were meant to share that with all of us here.

I’ve always said it doesn’t matter how you meet people…just that we did.


I don’t feel anything done out of love is innapropriate. Follow your heart. xxoo

Post # 8
2516 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I’m so sorry! I used to work at a vet and even though our patients were animals not humans, I totally  understand getting attached. I got attached to a few of our patients and was really upset when they died. I think it would be really nice of you to send flowers and I think the family would really appreciate it.

Post # 9
3057 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

My SO is a nurse & I think it takes so much strength to do what you do. She works in geriatrics so she has them die quite often & even though she doesn’t talk about it much, it does affect her. I think a card & flowers is an absolutely lovely idea. I just have to say thank you for caring about the people in your care. My SO is the same way but she tells me about nurses that just so obviously DON’T care and are just there for the paycheck. That’s not the field to be in to be there for ONLY the paycheck IMO (though it happens often as it’s quite lucrative).


Post # 10
2534 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I don’t know anything about nursing protocol (not a nurse at all), but I don’t think that is inapproporate.
Could you send them anonymously?
Instead of attaching a note from the staff, which may be against hospital poilcy? You should check the handbook or… I don’t really know what a hospital setting would have in terms of employee guidelines.

You sound so kind hearted though, it’s nice to know that someone can make such a difference in a hospital setting

Post # 11
1852 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@chasesgirl:  Aw, girl, I’m so sorry. 🙁 I guess that’s the burden you must bear when you work directly with patients/clients. I am a therapist and I know exactly how you feel – we had 7 direct deaths last year when it’s usually 2 or 3. It’s so hard to hear someone you grew to know and built a rapport with is gone.

I am so sorry. 🙁

Post # 12
953 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I would definitely appreciate flowers if I was his family member. I think that would be very comforting to know that he touched your staff in such a way that you went out of your way to express it. 

In life, when I’m presented with a dilemma like this where I have to decide whether to follow my heart and express gratitude or compassion, or follow etiquette I always choose the former. To me loving kindness unhindered is the greatest thing in the world. This man could have chosen to keep an “appropriate” distance from you and the staff but he did not, because he recognized what a precious gift of life love is.


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