I have been in the same boat as you. My partner and I lead two very different lives when we met, but there was an undeniable connection the second we spoke to each other. We grew close very fast, but we also had extremely strong personalities and we both fought constantly. It would be great for 2 or 3 months, then we’d fight for a month straight and I’d panic and leave or he’d get angry and leave. We were both struggling with our own inner demons, and trying to make a relationship work at the same time.
We broke up 3 times over 3 years. the first 2 times were for about 2 weeks to a month, and we maintained communication and got back together quickly. The third time, however, Was meant to be “permanent”. We were fighting far too often, I was growing more and more sensitive and he was growing more and more anxious. It was like a volcano, and it errupted and we separated. That was the hardest 4 months of my life. Over that period, though, I sought personal counceling and he handled his issues in his own way. We reached out again and talked through everything that went wrong, everything that hurt us from the other person and everything we were doing ourselves to selfsabotage things. We talked about these things together for two months while we both sought our own councelling. After that we decided to try again because we both really wanted to.
I can’t say things are perfect, but I can say they are worth it and that I love this man more than I have ever believed I could love another person. We both have our flaws, and sometimes those flaws cause problems, but now that we are readily willing to talk and communicate, now that we aren’t scared to apologize, explain, and improve, we’re not so scared of those flaws anymore. Or of those fights. We’ve been discussing marriage regularly, and I believe that we will be making that step within the next few years. I couldn’t be more excited about it, either.
I did talk to him about my timeline, but mine was that I wanted to be married in or by 2020, which gave us about 2 years before we should be engaged. He felt comfortable with that and, because I made it clear that I understood that a proposal wouldn’t happen tomorrow (Or even within the next year), he opened up far more with me about his desires for marriage and how he wanted our relationship to progress. He doesn’t feel any pressure because 2 years to propose is plenty of time for him to get comfortable. I don’t feel pressure because I let him know what I wanted and why, and he accepted and understood it. Now, we talk about it all the time happily. (I have to say, I feel like engagement is going to be far sooner than 2 years. He’s been taking me out to look at rings and has been extra affectionate lately.)
It’s easy for people to say that your relationship is too difficult and to leave, plenty of people told mt partner and I the same thing, but no one really has the right to tell you that it’s not worth it. All we have to go off of is a single post that definitely doesn’t detail everything the two of you went through. If you guys are truly able to work through it, to improve your communication, and to look at the other person with pure love after seeing the absolute worst of each other, then everything else will fall in to place right when it’s supposed to and your relationship will be that much stronger for it.
You do have to be more patient than most though, because it does take time for things to heal and for the trust to return after such turmoil. Just because you’re ready doesn’t mean he’s made it through that fire yet, and if you really love him you’ll give him what time he needs to get there. Trust that he loves you, and let him know that you love him by being understanding of his fears and being patient while he heals. If you really need a timeline in place, give him a flexible one (2 or 3 years preferably), so that he believes you aren’t trying to rush into things before he has a minute to measure the stability of the relationship. It really helped us out to have that 🙂
Good luck, lady! I hope this works out for you! There isn’t enough love for the “extra” passionate relationships hehe