Post # 1
My Fiance and I are getting married at my church (I’m Protestant, he is Catholic). However, to incorporate his faith, we are asking a deacon at his church to give a blessing (we haven’t brought this up yet to my uncle, who will be the main person performing the ceremony…I have no clue how to start this conversation).
Fiance is scheduling our meeting at the end of October, when he will be in town. I’m just so nervous about the meeting. I’m nervous that they will say that Fiance and I shouldn’t get married, or that they’ll put the hard sell on me to become Catholic. I’m just afraid of the whole situation…I can’t exactly pinpoint everything about it. I’m afraid that they will not like mine and FI’s thoughts on raising our kids and religion, and that it will turn into a big mess.
Am I overthinking things? Am I stressing over nothing? I’ve been fairly fortunate so far, wedding planning hasn’t been too stressful (knock on wood). I just want everything to go smoothly.
Post # 3
I think it depends entirely on your priest/deacon. As someone who has been through Pre-Cana with the Catholic Church twice now, the first priest was die hard, tried to convert my Fiance (at the time) to Catholicism, wanted us to discontinue living together until after the wedding, etc. Fast forward to the present, current priest with current fiance, he is much more laid back. We are both Catholic, and currently live together. He doesn’t recommend living together before marriage, but has never told us that we can’t get married if we are, etc. We did Pre-Cana as a weekend retreat, and our meetings with the priest have been very casual, more of a show and tell time, so that he can get to know us as a couple better in order to incorporate “us” into the ceremony.
Post # 4
We’re meeting with a deacon, so I don’t even know if he could marry us. Are deacons able to do that in the Catholic church? He has known FI’s family for a long time, and I believe that FI’s parents have filled him in on the situation (side note, Fiance lives five hours away right now while he’s in grad school, and since I’m not Catholic, his parents have been filling in the deacon for us).
We were going back and forth between having the wedding at my church or FI’s church (we weren’t sure if my church would be big enough), and his church was fine with my uncle holding the ceremony (though I don’t know if they realized that he would be the one doing the majority of the ceremony).
Post # 5
Catholic deacons can definitely perform Catholic marriages. That’s one of their main roles actually!
Did your Fiance get a dispensation to be married by a non-Catholic officiant (your uncle)? If so then the deacon is required to be cool with it. It’s not his call.
However usually if the ceremony is held at a Catholic location, they want the Catholic clergyman to do most of it. So if you want your uncle to be the main officiant perhaps it’s best to have it at your church instead of FI’s.
I would NOT expect him to try to convert you, usually they make sure you know you are welcome in the Church but they are not going to do a hard sell.
Post # 6
As far as I know, Fiance has not received a dispensation.
FI’s parents have been taking care of most of the communication between the deacon. On one hand, I know they’re helping out because Fiance is out of town, he doesn’t have much contact with the deacon, so his parents have been talking. On the other hand, it is frustrating me, because I feel like they are butting in. They are known for overstepping boundaries at times. For example, FI’s brother and sister-in-law wanted to get married outside, but because the church wouldn’t recognize the marriage, they weren’t able to. It had to be inside a church building (this is what was told to me by FI’s brother and SIL).
I want to give FI’s parents the benefit of the doubt. I’m going to talk to Fiance about this and tell him that while I know his parents have their hearts in the right place, once we have our first meeting with the deacon, I want to make sure he goes through either Fiance or I to get information about our wedding. I am sure this will not be a problem, I feel like the deacon would do this without saying. I also don’t know what FI’s parents have told the deacon about my religion, which they know very little about.
I’m sorry for threadjacking my own post. Fiance is a strong person. He will listen to all sides, but he will make up his own mind. He has always been great about standing up for me and for our relationship, so I know I shouldn’t worry. It’s just hard…you want to make sure you’re doing things for the right reasons, not just to please his parents.