- 5 years ago
I need your opinion and advice on the following situation:
My boyfriend (30) has different work hours (and days off) every month, and he gets his work schedule usually on the 27th each month (for the following month). So yesterday noon his new work schedule arrived (by email) when we were at lunch. I first didn’t know he was checking his work schedule and called him jokingly (really as a joke, he also calls me the same all the time when I take out my phone at lunch or so) a phone addict. He kept checking his phone and just said that his work schedule just arrived but that he won’t tell me the schedule because I called him a phone addict. At that point I was laughing, because he really didn’t seem to be pissed or anything and I thought well, he can tell me later about it. The day passed (we spent the day together with his family) and he didn’t tell me about his schedule. I asked a few times and he still didn’t want to tell me.
The reason why I want to know about his schedule is simple- He always tells me about it, just so I know. We live together, so I want to know when to expect him leaving and coming home and when he has days off so we can plan something. Also, he asked for a few days off the end of April so we can go to Mexico (we have been talking about this for months), but they don’t always give him off so now I’m in the situation where I don’t know if he gets those days off or not, don’t know if I should book a flight or not, don’t know if we should plan th trip or not. For him it’s easier, since he works for an airline he doesn’t need to book anything and just pays a really small percentage of the price I pay.
So when he still didn’t want to tell me about his work schedule at midnight last night, I started to get pissed. A few hours before when I asked he said ‘Ok, I’ll tell you after dinner’ I said okay. After dinner he didn’t say anything, so then I asked him before we went to bed and he just said no again, without giving me any reason. He also said that he never said he would tell me after dinner, which is clearly not true because I remember exactly how it happened.
Well then I got pissed and said what I said here- That I don’t get why he’s not telling me and that I need to know because of the trip we were planning and that it is not ok at all. He then got pissed at me and just said ‘Yea whatever’ and played some silly game on his phone. I then just went to sleep angry. The next morning he didn’t talk to me and we barely talked all day. Now it’s 1.5 days later, still without talking (well we sometimes talk when we have to, like asking trivial stuff like when the cleaning lady comes, etc.).
Every single time we fight it is me who makes the first step afterwards. It’s always me who goes to him after we didn’t talk for a bit and say ‘Let’s talk’ and start explaining him my position and tell him I wanna make up etc. Even when it clearly was him who screwed something up. He has never said sorry, ever, for anything. The maximum he could do is listening to me when I’m starting the conversation and sometimes say ‘yes I understand your point’. This time I just had enough- I don’t want to be the one again who starts the conversation after silence! For once in his life he should be the one coming to me I think. But for how long is it going to go on like this, if I’m not the one again who starts the conversation? I dunno,til now it’s been 1.5 days.
Am I wrong to expect that? Should I make the first step to make up again as usual? Or should I keep the silent treatment (not completely silence, we talk about things we have to talk about, like ‘Have you seen the blue bag’) that he started?