(Closed) SO not the Best Man for his brother's wedding……..

posted 6 years ago in Grooms/men
  • poll: Should the Groom's brother be the Best Man?
    Yes. : (9 votes)
    9 %
    No. : (80 votes)
    77 %
    Other - Explain. : (15 votes)
    14 %
  • Post # 4
    Member
    1798 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    If they aren’t close, then I really don’t see why your SO would expect to be best man. It’s likely that his brother would want to give that honor to someone very close to him.

    Post # 3
    Member
    418 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    My sister isn’t my Maid/Matron of Honor. You don’t get that role solely based on genetics. I wanted my BFF as my Maid/Matron of Honor, so my sister is a bridesmaid.

     

    And no, we didn’t have an engagement party. I don’t see the point in spending the money.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1318 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    @NYCkindaBee:  If they aren’t close, it shouldn’t be expected, although it’s totally ok that he’s bummed. However, I don’t understand why you are asking about engagement parties… It doesn’t have anything to do with your post. Anyway, I’ve never known anyone that has had one and we didn’t either, but I know there are people out there that do. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    467 posts
    Helper bee

    @NYCkindaBee:  I think its pretty low and hurtful of your SO’s brother not to at least include him in the bridal party.  Yes, I know no one NEEDS to be include, but its pretty bad not to at least include family (assuming your family is small).

    My sister and I aren’t close, but she’d still be my Maid/Matron of Honor.  I just know how hurt she would be if I didn’t make her Maid/Matron of Honor.  My mother would drop the hammer of thor on my head if I didn’t include her in the bridal party.  

    Post # 7
    Member
    210 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    My sister isn’t my Maid/Matron of Honor and FI’s brother isn’t his best man, either. (We each only have one sibling.) Neither one of us are super close to our siblings. I knew from the day Fiance and I moved into together and started talking wedding that my best friend would be my Maid/Matron of Honor and I actually told my sister in advance. FI’s best man is one of his friends who is really close to both of us, and is always coming to visit. (We live like six hours away from him so it means a lot that he makes a point to come out here.)

    So really – I don’t think it’s a huge deal. I think it’s dependent on personal relationships, obviously. I know it’s often assumed that the sibling will be in the “place of honour”, but I wasn’t and am not close with my sister, and I wanted someone who I was close to to be my Maid/Matron of Honor. Fiance and his brother are not super tight. He wanted someone he was close to to be his best man.

    Post # 8
    Member
    7679 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    In my experience (note I’m in a different country though), a sister is almost always Maid/Matron of Honor, but a brother is only sometimes Best Man. Especially when there is a 5 year difference, I’m not surprised his brother wants someone else. It’s a little more disappointing that he doesn’t want him as groomsman though.

    Post # 9
    Member
    9118 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Depends on the situation. If they are not close, or have never had “that kind” of relationship, then no, they aren’t required to be in the bridal party.

    It just has to go with their personal relationship.

    Post # 10
    Member
    818 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @dmk90716:  This exactly. If it were genetic based there would be no point in picking. It’s a personal choice but doesn’t mean he doesn’t love his brother.

    Post # 13
    Member
    870 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    It’s okay for him to feel bummed, but if they’re not close, it makes sense.  My sister isn’t my Maid/Matron of Honor.  I love her, but she’s not my best female friend.

    Post # 14
    Member
    170 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    My Fiance has a younger brother, they are only a year apart but his brother isn’t part of the bridal party at all, they arn’t super close, he’s unreliable (IMO) and just very different people. I think it’s perfectly fine you shouldn’t ask someone to be in your bridal party based solely on genetics.

    And I never had an engagement party, I have also never been to one.

    Post # 15
    Member
    391 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I think it depends on how close they are. Darling Husband had one of his brothers as his best man but didn’t even acknowledge the other brother’s existence. (I should also note they are half brothers). The brother he chose as his best man wasn’t always close to him but in recent years they connected and became closer. 

    If they had some sort of relationship, I could see why he would be upset that he isn’t at least included as a groomsman. 

    Post # 16
    Member
    2869 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I don’t think so.  But my only sister isn’t my maid of honor either.  I think the person closest to you/who knows you the best should be your Maid/Matron of Honor or best man, which may not necessarily be your sibling.

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