Post # 1
I know there have been many posts regarding this topic, but I just wanna get your opinions on this: Should the groom’s brother be the Best Man? What do you think?
My SO only has one sibling– an older brother. They are 5 years apart. Him and his fiancee got engaged a little over 2 months ago and are having their wedding next summer. My SO just blurted out to me today and shared with me that his brother doesn’t want him as a Best Man. Not even a groomsman! I mean, I do understand that it is his brother’s decision, and it is their bridal party and theirrr wedding, but I don’t know. I just feel bad and sad for my SO :/ He seems so…bummed. You see, my SO is not very close with his brother and is not confrontational with him. When they were growing up, his older brother would always argue with him and kinda treat him badly. They’ve just grown apart.
When SO told me about this, I asked him if he said how he felt to his brother…he said “yea…I just said whatever idc do what you want.” ?!? But I know deep inside he’s sad. He then later on said “It’s messed up. He shouldn’t be asking me if it’s ok that I not be the best man. I mean, I’m his brother. I thought that I’m supposed to be the best man.” 2) He said his brother had a “limit” of guys to be in the bridal party. I’m guessing because of the fiancee. They are only having 3 or 4 on each side. I just feel so sad for my SO. We then got to talk about OUR future wedding and bridal party. He said “Idk if I want my brother as my best man now, when we get married in the future.” I don’t know what to do or say. :S
But then again, it might be OK? that he wasn’t chosen I guess? That way, he won’t have to spend much, or help prepare for the wedding…cause I know it’s a big job to fill. And SO is still in grad school.
What are your thoughts bees? Thanks in advance.
ETA: ALSO! I know not related to my post, but is it common to have engagement parties? SO’s brother and his fiancee haven’t had an engagement party, and I don’t think they plan on having one. I heard/read that engagement parties should be held no later than 2 months after the proposal.
Post # 4
If they aren’t close, then I really don’t see why your SO would expect to be best man. It’s likely that his brother would want to give that honor to someone very close to him.
Post # 3
My sister isn’t my Maid/Matron of Honor. You don’t get that role solely based on genetics. I wanted my BFF as my Maid/Matron of Honor, so my sister is a bridesmaid.
And no, we didn’t have an engagement party. I don’t see the point in spending the money.
Post # 5
@NYCkindaBee: If they aren’t close, it shouldn’t be expected, although it’s totally ok that he’s bummed. However, I don’t understand why you are asking about engagement parties… It doesn’t have anything to do with your post. Anyway, I’ve never known anyone that has had one and we didn’t either, but I know there are people out there that do.
Post # 6
@NYCkindaBee: I think its pretty low and hurtful of your SO’s brother not to at least include him in the bridal party. Yes, I know no one NEEDS to be include, but its pretty bad not to at least include family (assuming your family is small).
My sister and I aren’t close, but she’d still be my Maid/Matron of Honor. I just know how hurt she would be if I didn’t make her Maid/Matron of Honor. My mother would drop the hammer of thor on my head if I didn’t include her in the bridal party.
Post # 7
My sister isn’t my Maid/Matron of Honor and FI’s brother isn’t his best man, either. (We each only have one sibling.) Neither one of us are super close to our siblings. I knew from the day Fiance and I moved into together and started talking wedding that my best friend would be my Maid/Matron of Honor and I actually told my sister in advance. FI’s best man is one of his friends who is really close to both of us, and is always coming to visit. (We live like six hours away from him so it means a lot that he makes a point to come out here.)
So really – I don’t think it’s a huge deal. I think it’s dependent on personal relationships, obviously. I know it’s often assumed that the sibling will be in the “place of honour”, but I wasn’t and am not close with my sister, and I wanted someone who I was close to to be my Maid/Matron of Honor. Fiance and his brother are not super tight. He wanted someone he was close to to be his best man.
Post # 8
In my experience (note I’m in a different country though), a sister is almost always Maid/Matron of Honor, but a brother is only sometimes Best Man. Especially when there is a 5 year difference, I’m not surprised his brother wants someone else. It’s a little more disappointing that he doesn’t want him as groomsman though.
Post # 9
Depends on the situation. If they are not close, or have never had “that kind” of relationship, then no, they aren’t required to be in the bridal party.
It just has to go with their personal relationship.
Post # 10
@dmk90716: This exactly. If it were genetic based there would be no point in picking. It’s a personal choice but doesn’t mean he doesn’t love his brother.
Post # 11
@msfahrenheit: Yeah I know, true. But not even a groomsmen though?! :/
@lawyerchick13: Lol, hammer of Thor!! I know, I understand that he won’t be the best man, but not even in the bridal party? That’s what I felt too.
@paula1248: It is a little more disappointing. 🙁
Post # 12
Post # 13
It’s okay for him to feel bummed, but if they’re not close, it makes sense. My sister isn’t my Maid/Matron of Honor. I love her, but she’s not my best female friend.
Post # 14
My Fiance has a younger brother, they are only a year apart but his brother isn’t part of the bridal party at all, they arn’t super close, he’s unreliable (IMO) and just very different people. I think it’s perfectly fine you shouldn’t ask someone to be in your bridal party based solely on genetics.
And I never had an engagement party, I have also never been to one.
Post # 15
I think it depends on how close they are. Darling Husband had one of his brothers as his best man but didn’t even acknowledge the other brother’s existence. (I should also note they are half brothers). The brother he chose as his best man wasn’t always close to him but in recent years they connected and became closer.
If they had some sort of relationship, I could see why he would be upset that he isn’t at least included as a groomsman.
Post # 16
I don’t think so. But my only sister isn’t my maid of honor either. I think the person closest to you/who knows you the best should be your Maid/Matron of Honor or best man, which may not necessarily be your sibling.