(Closed) SO of four years gave me an STD.

posted 5 years ago in Wellness
Post # 3
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@Koifish:  This is a very difficult situation…I’m not sure what to tell you. As long as you know he wasn’t unfaithful, and that’s how you got chlamydia…Idk. Did you want children before you found out that you now will probably be unable to conceive naturally? His decision to lie about previous partners has seriously impacted your life with him and on your own. That’s a big deal to me.


Post # 4
1671 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Koifish:  For me, it would depend on previous conversations about his sexual past. Did he claiming to be a virgin before you slept together?

I’m so so sorry. That is a really scary thing to hear. Is there any chance of preserving some fertility? Hugs. 

Post # 5
7211 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@Koifish:  wow. I am so sorry. It isn’t just that he had sex before you but that he lied and continued to lie about that throughout your relationship, unknowingly putting your health at risk. What has he said now? At twenty he should have known better than to think everything was fine for you to have unprotected sex but certainly sometime in the past three years it should have dawned on him! It’s more that major lack of judgement and disregard for your health and well being that concerns me. 

Post # 6
1797 posts
Buzzing bee

Obviously it’s up to you in the end, but I think I would 100% leave my SO if he did something like this to me. I wouldn’t know if I should trust his story or not. How do you know he didn’t cheat on you and then transfer it that way? It seems strange that he says he didn’t tell you about past sexual partners just because he didn’t have any symptoms of Save-The-Date Cards. I’m not saying that couples need to share every detail of their sexual history with each other, but you should at least know if he wasn’t a virgin.

Post # 7
11 posts
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Koifish:  Unless you’ve had an ultrasound your Dr telling you that is jumping the gun- at best. As for your SO… I don’t think that’s something I could forgive. I’m so sorry 🙁 

Post # 8
2297 posts
Buzzing bee

His mistake was lying to you about his past sex life, and that certainly didn’t happen before he knew you. 

Seriously, he may not have known he had it either, but he chose to not tell you about his sex life. That is important information, specifically for this reason. 

Marrying a man who would lie about something important as this may not be worth marrying. 

Post # 9
9954 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

First off (( HUGS ))

I am soooo sorry this has / is happening to you

My issue wouldn’t be so much that he had sex previously (BEFORE this relationship) so much as he LIED to you

Lieing is NEVER Good

Lieing about one’s Sexual History… really not good

He has put you at risk… and caused you great trauma

I would think this might be a Deal-Breaker for me.

But to each their own… ONLY YOU KNOW how you feel about this.

Personally, 22 is young… and 3 Years a good learning experience on Life’s Lessons…

I think I’d be looking for another man who is far more mature in how he handles his personal business and more respectful to his Love / Life Partners & their wants / needs (including your wanting to get Engaged – Married – have Kides etc)


Post # 10
1231 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

He didn’t make a mistake before he knew you…he’s been lying to you for the past 4 years and put your health at risk. If he wants you to trust him, he needs to work at earning that trust. This is a serious lie with major consequences that you can’t sweep under the rug, and just hope it won’t happen again. 

Post # 11
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

How awful. I don’t know what I would do. I would be worried he has been unfaithful, although I do believe his scenario is easily what could have caused you to get chlamydia. 

At any rate, I’m sorry and I hope you aren’t sterile.

Post # 12
6530 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Koifish:  i couldnt continue a relationship with someone who damaged my opportunity to have kids. On top of that he lied to you abput his sex life

Post # 13
739 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I’d dump his lying ass pronto. 

Post # 14
2488 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Hugs. I am so sorry.

You really need to have a sit down talk with him…  I dunno if I could be with someone who had lied to me about something so serious. 🙁

I’m sorry.

Post # 15
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

You’re sexually active and haven’t had a full pelvic since becoming sexually active?  You’ve only had paps and not full pelvics?  How do you go for 3 years without a full pelvic exam?  Here you can’t get a pap without a full pelvic.  Didn’t you tell your doctor you were sexually active?  And why no testing for Save-The-Date Cards when you went for your pap, especially when you’re in a sexual relationship?  Just because your partner said he was clean?  Have you (and him) been tested for HIV/AIDS?  I sure as hell hope you did before even having sex!     

A doctor cannot assess fallopian tube damage with just a standard pelvic exam.  Dye testing of the tubes can.  And, it’s wrong for him to tell you your chances of having kids is nil without testing the fallopian tubes first.  Could your tubes be damaged?  Yes, but they could be damaged from the chlamydia or for some other reason (ie. endometriosis). 



Post # 16
7387 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I’m sorry you are going through this. Personally I’d be gone.

This is why I am bewildered as to why so many Bees do not continue to get regular STD tests under the excuse of “we are in a monogamous relationship”. You are responsible for your own sexual health. I get tested yearly and will never not get tested. Its irresponsible and just foolish not to IMO.

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