(Closed) So offended by bridesmaids' fiance's text to me

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1657 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

What the hell is his deal?

You aren’t overreacting, because that is not cool for her Fiance to say that. I would say only disinclude (is that a word?) her from the wedding stuff only if she feels the same way as Fiance does, and you know she does for sure. Don’t want to punish her for something Fiance said.

Post # 4
Member
2440 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@fishwoman:  I don’t think that they are upset at your getting engaged or married at all, but I can understand their sentiment. I think it was a bit rude and overreaching for the fiance to text you, but if either or both of them felt that they were missing out on a special event in their own wedding planning, I see where they are coming from. Unless you both mutually suggest that sort of thing, I tihnk it was a bit much to say you would try on wedding dresses at the same time. I think it’s best to keep these things seperate, so each bride gets “her day” or “her time” for some of the more special wedding related tasks- like dress shopping.

 

Post # 5
Member
3429 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think that was a total tool move on the part of her Fiance. She should have called you and told you  she has a problem with you trying on dresses that day. I would just reply with a no problem or something short in nature. 

Post # 6
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Don’t be upset- but i think you’re being too sensative.

I can understand what he’s saying. I think that you both might have different ideas of what “girls day” meant.

I think that because she’s a good friend she thought she might be overreacting and didn’t say anything to you. She might have told her Fiance how she felt and he took it upon himself to stand up for her feelings a bit.

I think that perhaps it would be good to give her her own moment and you have your own moment.

Post # 7
Member
691 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Awww, brings me back to the days of going to a kindergarten party and NO one was allowed to upstage the special snowflake birthday girl. Give her a gold star and tell her not to worry, this is  her super special day! Bring a tiara. 

Post # 9
Member
14486 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

It sort of sounded like it was a day for her – her and her bm’s buying their dresses, and going out, then looking at flower girl dresses.  Unless her entire bridal party is your party also, it does sound a little odd?  Maybe she was hoping that she could have it her day and not turn it into a attention tug a war with you trying on dresses.  It sort of sounds like it would be better to plan a different day just “for you”.  I wouldn’t be too offended though, he wasn’t terribly rude, and is just looking out for his FI’s feelings.

 

Post # 10
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@MissFireFlower:  I agree with this.

While her Fiance texting you was inappropriate, I think you need to seperate the two events completely. 

Also: do you really want to try on wedding dresses with all of your bridesmaids? I’m genuinely curious. 

Post # 11
Member
7405 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Did he overstep, totally. If she was uncomfortable with the suggestion (which I woild be to) she should have been a woman about it and told you so. 

Post # 12
Member
1589 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@MissFireFlower:  this. I also think his comment comes off snotty bc it’s a text. It would sound nicer over the phone.

Post # 14
Member
1849 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@MissFireFlower:  exactly what I was thinking. OP, your previous engagement isn’t really relevant here. It’s a sad story, and I’m sorry that happened to you, but I’m not sure what that has to do with your friend not deserving one day to be the bride without someone trying to share the spotlight. You’ll have a ton of time after her wedding has passed to bask in the bridal glow, while she may be disappointed that now that she’s close enough to her wedding to do bridal things like try on dresses, she can’t be the center of attention while doing that. I also agree that his statement probably came off much worse because it was a text. If I try reading it an a less offesive tone, it comes off like a somewhat reasonable thing to ask of his fiancee’s good friend. 

 

Post # 16
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@fishwoman:  of course she didn’t say anything. She most likely just assumed that you were planning a day just for her. When you said that you might try on dresses too, she didn’t want to seem like a snotty bride or a bad friend so she just said nothing.

In reality, she must have been pretty heartbroken. I’m sure her Fiance was just thinking about her feelings.

 

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