(Closed) So offended by bridesmaids' fiance's text to me

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
179 posts
Blushing bee


I agree with what a PP said and if this was me I wouldn’t be mad. What I’m guessing happened is that to your face she said it was fine and when she got home she admitted to him that it wasn’t. I’m willing to bet she didn’t want to seem like a drama queen and was scared that she was over reacting. In turn, he’s trying to be her protector and thinks he’s doing the right thing however it wasn’t worded well. 

It doesn’t sound like a contest to me or that the friend/FI have any isues with you at all. However you don’t sound very fond of them. I’d say give her a break and remember she didn’t send the message, he did. But complaining about her to him won’t help anything. I’d call her up and go out for a coffee. I’d say something like

“Listen, did I upset you when I asked to try on dresses? If I did it wasn’t my intention but I got a text message from your Fiance and wanted to make sure that we are ok”

Next time I’d keep wedding things seperate. My best friend and I are both planning and we keep all these things seperate because I want her to have her own moment for everything. Maybe that’s crazy to most but I’ve met very few brides who ‘don’t care’ about having their own moments in the sun. It can be tough to fit all events  in so sometimes I am not there for certain things and vice versa but we’ve had no issues so far. 

Post # 19
1441 posts
Bumble bee

@fishwoman:  And btw, I set up this day for her!  If she had just gotten engaged, or was doing something that was clearly “her” day, i would have had no issues at all not doing anything related to my wedding. 


“I set it up for her”  – I’m sure that’s what she thought, that you set up a day for HER and that you were bootstrapping onto it.    I know it wasn’t intended as a slight, but she thought it was going to her day  – not everyone’s bridal day.   


Post # 21
2315 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@fishwoman:  Wow, her Fiance sounds like a total tool. As much as my Fiance adores me and is protective of me, he would NEVER pull a stunt like that. But I do have a feeling your friend is putting him up to it, otherwise I can’t imagine any guy (even ones that are totally involved in the wedding planning process) would give two hoots about what happens on a girls’ shopping day?  

I don’t think you’re overreacting at all, nor do I think your original suggestion overstepped any line. One of my girlfriends is getting married in August, and earlier this year we went dress shopping together. It makes it more fun when everyone is in a wedding state of mind. There was certainly no sense of, it’s got to be my day to the exclusion of everyone else. Your friend is being an entitled princess.

Post # 23
1388 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@fishwoman:  You’re right, I misunderstood your post. It sounded like you would be trying on dresses together. If she said it was a great idea, maybe she and her Fiance had a miscommunication that made him think she was upset about your plans. On the other hand, maybe she didn’t really think it was a great idea and vented about it to him after the conversation. Is it possible that this day could be special to her for some other reason? It’s not her birthday or anything, is it? 

In the end, I’d still recommend trying to keep things you do for your respective weddings a bit more separate, since you probably don’t want this issue to escalate and you already said they’ve both been a bit territorial about their wedding. Not saying you have to roll over and keep quiet completely, but you should decide carefully whether involving her a lot into your own wedding planning is worth this kind of drama.

Post # 24
520 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Yeah, I get it. This was just supposed to be a fun trivial day of fitting and browsing which she has ruined by being a diva and getting her man involved to control what you do (on a day you organized no less). 

Post # 25
2492 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

@fishwoman:  I’m not agreeing with her fiancé sending you that text but I’m quoting you here: 

And btw, I set up this day for her!
I’m a bit confused about who is attending but it seems like you only have 1 Bridesmaid or Best Man in common? Why not pick a day in the next month or 2 to look for dresses And have the other 3 girls in your party there. 
Like I said, the guy was a dick for texting you that but I don’t think this has to go down as a negative thing. Separate your planning from hers. 

Post # 26
12293 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@MissFireFlower:  +1

 Besides, I can’t even think of a good way to say something like that without sounding like a selffish person.  “oh, sorry, can you not try on dresses.  I was hoping the day could be for me”…. just doesnt work.  So she probably talked to her Fiance about it, and he stepped in.  She may not even know he did that.

Post # 27
1441 posts
Bumble bee

@fishwoman:  But I did talk to her and she said to me “i can’t believe he text you that, he can be such a girl that way.  I will talk to him because I knew we were going to do your wedding stuff today too.”

If that’s the case, I’ll change my opionion. If all the girls understood that, going in, her Fiance should butt out.  OTOH, someone can’t upset you if you don’t let them.  Why let her Fiance get under your skin?

Post # 28
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@fishwoman:  Honestly, I don’t think you are overreacting. Anyone who you have given the title of “friend” to should respect you enough to be able to express their feelings to you no matter how uncomfortable. Furthermore, no “friend” would allow a SO to involve his or herself in any matter that can be solved without his/her input. His text message was rude  and offensive! Lastly, I’m tired of people and this ” brides day” thing. Seriously, the wedding should be about the start of a marriage NOT about a bride basking in her glory. The world DOES NOT and SHOULD NOT stop for a bride. I don’t understand the problem. It is not like you two would be trying on wedding dresses at the same time. I would have a talk with her ASAP! 

Post # 29
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Now I’m confused. 🙁

You said you set up this day for her, and then said that “nothing about the day screamed HER”.

I was never under the impression that you were BOTH trying on dresses – I still advocate that the two events need to be entirely seperated. Meaning, both weddings and the preparations for them.

It sounds like what you’re really upset about is her attitude, and this is the figurative straw that broke the camel’s back… I encourage you to deal with her “snotty attitude”, and not with her FI’s inappropriate text message.

Post # 30
41 posts
  • Wedding: May 2014

I can see both sides. I am ultra sensitive so that would have hurt my feelings too!!! I don’t think you did anything wrong by asking.


But I also see how some girls may feel that you were stealing their spotlight a little bit. I still think the fiance stepped over the line.

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