Post # 17
I agree with what a PP said and if this was me I wouldn’t be mad. What I’m guessing happened is that to your face she said it was fine and when she got home she admitted to him that it wasn’t. I’m willing to bet she didn’t want to seem like a drama queen and was scared that she was over reacting. In turn, he’s trying to be her protector and thinks he’s doing the right thing however it wasn’t worded well.
It doesn’t sound like a contest to me or that the friend/FI have any isues with you at all. However you don’t sound very fond of them. I’d say give her a break and remember she didn’t send the message, he did. But complaining about her to him won’t help anything. I’d call her up and go out for a coffee. I’d say something like
“Listen, did I upset you when I asked to try on dresses? If I did it wasn’t my intention but I got a text message from your Fiance and wanted to make sure that we are ok”
Next time I’d keep wedding things seperate. My best friend and I are both planning and we keep all these things seperate because I want her to have her own moment for everything. Maybe that’s crazy to most but I’ve met very few brides who ‘don’t care’ about having their own moments in the sun. It can be tough to fit all events in so sometimes I am not there for certain things and vice versa but we’ve had no issues so far.
Post # 18
She wasn’t trying on any dresses, i’m not understanding where you got that from. Of course if she was trying on dresses i would have not done anything. And for the last year she’s been engaged, i’ve been at her beck and call doing anything and everything for her wedding.
Post # 19
@fishwoman: And btw, I set up this day for her! If she had just gotten engaged, or was doing something that was clearly “her” day, i would have had no issues at all not doing anything related to my wedding.
“I set it up for her” – I’m sure that’s what she thought, that you set up a day for HER and that you were bootstrapping onto it. I know it wasn’t intended as a slight, but she thought it was going to her day – not everyone’s bridal day.
Post # 20
oh no, she’s being snotty. Maybe thats why i’m upset. She says back handed things abou all the awesome stuff she’s havign at her wedding because their parents are paying for it and how its unfortunate that we can’t have that because we’re paying for our own. Back handed and self centered.
Post # 21
@fishwoman: Wow, her Fiance sounds like a total tool. As much as my Fiance adores me and is protective of me, he would NEVER pull a stunt like that. But I do have a feeling your friend is putting him up to it, otherwise I can’t imagine any guy (even ones that are totally involved in the wedding planning process) would give two hoots about what happens on a girls’ shopping day?
I don’t think you’re overreacting at all, nor do I think your original suggestion overstepped any line. One of my girlfriends is getting married in August, and earlier this year we went dress shopping together. It makes it more fun when everyone is in a wedding state of mind. There was certainly no sense of, it’s got to be my day to the exclusion of everyone else. Your friend is being an entitled princess.
Post # 22
But I did talk to her and she said to me “i can’t believe he text you that, he can be such a girl that way. I will talk to him because I knew we were going to do your wedding stuff today too.”
Post # 23
@fishwoman: You’re right, I misunderstood your post. It sounded like you would be trying on dresses together. If she said it was a great idea, maybe she and her Fiance had a miscommunication that made him think she was upset about your plans. On the other hand, maybe she didn’t really think it was a great idea and vented about it to him after the conversation. Is it possible that this day could be special to her for some other reason? It’s not her birthday or anything, is it?
In the end, I’d still recommend trying to keep things you do for your respective weddings a bit more separate, since you probably don’t want this issue to escalate and you already said they’ve both been a bit territorial about their wedding. Not saying you have to roll over and keep quiet completely, but you should decide carefully whether involving her a lot into your own wedding planning is worth this kind of drama.
Post # 24
Yeah, I get it. This was just supposed to be a fun trivial day of fitting and browsing which she has ruined by being a diva and getting her man involved to control what you do (on a day you organized no less).
Post # 25
@fishwoman: I’m not agreeing with her fiancé sending you that text but I’m quoting you here:
And btw, I set up this day for her!
I’m a bit confused about who is attending but it seems like you only have 1 Bridesmaid or Best Man in common? Why not pick a day in the next month or 2 to look for dresses And have the other 3 girls in your party there.
Like I said, the guy was a dick for texting you that but I don’t think this has to go down as a negative thing. Separate your planning from hers.
Post # 26
Besides, I can’t even think of a good way to say something like that without sounding like a selffish person. “oh, sorry, can you not try on dresses. I was hoping the day could be for me”…. just doesnt work. So she probably talked to her Fiance about it, and he stepped in. She may not even know he did that.
Post # 27
@fishwoman: But I did talk to her and she said to me “i can’t believe he text you that, he can be such a girl that way. I will talk to him because I knew we were going to do your wedding stuff today too.”
If that’s the case, I’ll change my opionion. If all the girls understood that, going in, her Fiance should butt out. OTOH, someone can’t upset you if you don’t let them. Why let her Fiance get under your skin?
Post # 28
@fishwoman: Honestly, I don’t think you are overreacting. Anyone who you have given the title of “friend” to should respect you enough to be able to express their feelings to you no matter how uncomfortable. Furthermore, no “friend” would allow a SO to involve his or herself in any matter that can be solved without his/her input. His text message was rude and offensive! Lastly, I’m tired of people and this ” brides day” thing. Seriously, the wedding should be about the start of a marriage NOT about a bride basking in her glory. The world DOES NOT and SHOULD NOT stop for a bride. I don’t understand the problem. It is not like you two would be trying on wedding dresses at the same time. I would have a talk with her ASAP!
Post # 29
Now I’m confused. 🙁
You said you set up this day for her, and then said that “nothing about the day screamed HER”.
I was never under the impression that you were BOTH trying on dresses – I still advocate that the two events need to be entirely seperated. Meaning, both weddings and the preparations for them.
It sounds like what you’re really upset about is her attitude, and this is the figurative straw that broke the camel’s back… I encourage you to deal with her “snotty attitude”, and not with her FI’s inappropriate text message.
Post # 30
I can see both sides. I am ultra sensitive so that would have hurt my feelings too!!! I don’t think you did anything wrong by asking.
But I also see how some girls may feel that you were stealing their spotlight a little bit. I still think the fiance stepped over the line.
Post # 31
Peony: Thank you, you hit on exactly h0w I feel! One of the reasons my fiance and I are waiting till May is because I told her that I wanted her to have her time for her wedding and I want to enjoy it as her bridesmaid and not be stressing about mine. And since we’re in each others weddings and I love weddings, I am happy to help her because she hates all the details. My fiance was so mad, but we talked about me taking the higher road. He says its guy code that you just stay out of that kind of stuff and I feel like her fiance is being the entitled princess. Like EVERYTHING has to be bigger and better than our wedding. Which is fine by me, but he needs to stop rubbing it in! Thank you for your response. I was really feeling attacked by everyone here!
Needless to say, my friend ended up running late because of somehing and told me to go ahead and get measured for her dress on my own. Then she said lets meet up to go to the resale shop and as I was driving I got he text. So I just told her i was hurt about his text and I would make an appointment to go dress shopping a a later time. But honestly, i’m going to just take another one of my good friends. I can’t help but think she’s going to be sad when her wedding is over and she realizes she was so caught up in her own that she didn’t get to be a part of mine.