(Closed) So offended by bridesmaids' fiance's text to me

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
253 posts
Helper bee

He is childish! And very, very in someone else’s business right now. Why does he even have your number? Please tell me that you told your friend because that is something that she needs to bring to his attention. He had no right contacting you in that manner. And if she is going behind your back telling him anything to provoke him to talk to you that way, she needs to be a real friend and say it to you in person. Simple. 

Post # 33
Member
1249 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@fishwoman:  I’m sorry you’re not getting the answers you want here. I’ve learned that it’s best to keep 2 weddings seperate.

Let me tell you a story. Perhaps it will help with perspective

 

My Future Sister-In-Law got engaged on christmas. Me and Fiance had been dating only a few months. She was engaged for 2 (maybe 1.5) years when we got engaged in October. Fiance (without me knowing) asked his mother if Future Sister-In-Law was planning a wedding for anytime soon. I’m not sure exactly what was said, but he told me that he told her that “It wasn’t fair for him to put his life on hold waiting for Future Sister-In-Law to get married. She had 2 years.” Future Mother-In-Law told him that a wedding was the last thing on FSIL’s mind.

So we start to plan. We tentivley pick October. Future Sister-In-Law calls us and says she’s planning a wedding for the summer. Fiance says it was “implied” that she wanted us to hold off. Fiance didn’t back down. We keep planning. No work from Future Sister-In-Law. She shays she doesn’t know when she’d be getting married. No one else knows anything about a wedding. Other sister says Future Sister-In-Law is nutty and she’s not planning a wedding. Oh well.

My work will not approve my request, but WILL approve a 10 day request in May. I ask Fiance and we accept. We instantly book venues and call family.

Future Sister-In-Law is not happy.

She says they’re planning for July. We hand’t heard anything about that. No one has. It’s news to us. Fiance is angry and says we can’t go if it’s in July. More anger. Turns out that was all smoke. No wedding date yet.

I won’t bore you with more details, but I’ve tried to stay out of the whole thing and let Fiance handle it.Trust me there have been a lot of WTF moments.

What I did hear from one of her female family memebrs was this:

“It’s been hard for her to realize that with no wedding date planned and your wedding is happening- she’s not ‘the bride’ in the spotlight anymore.”

So that fact is making Future Sister-In-Law act a bit nutty. Ok a lot nutty.

It seems like more of a personal/family issue that I don’t want to invole myself with. Even now when people tell her that she should just elope to Vegas- I know it must hurt her. That hurt makes her act irrationaly. So I just smile and nod and walk away.

Could I have had a bridal meltdown? Sure. To some it might seem like she was trying to postpone/sabotage our wedding from day one. But was it WORTH fighting over? No. Becasue when May 5th comes it WILL be all about me.

 

It’s so not worth fighting over.

Perhaps she just really wants some personal wedding attention and feels like she needs it but didn’t want to say anything.

 

tl;dr: weddings make people crazypants emotional. Let her have her moment and don’t fall into the crazypants wedding trap. It’s so not worth it.

Post # 35
Member
5879 posts
Bee Keeper

@fishwoman:  well then maybe you need to directly address her backhanded comments when they happen. Telll her that your weddings shouldnt be compared and that its rude for her to say that she feels sorry for you. The nerve.

Post # 37
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I change my answer since it’s just measuring. Plus you spoke to the bride.

Post # 38
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Keeping the planning separate doesn’t mean you can’t involve her, though if she’s acting snotty and giving back-handed compliments, I’m not sure why you want to. I’ve discovered people who are usually sweet and dependable ocassionally go off the deep end when their wedding date looms near.

If you want to involve her, just makes some days about YOU, and some of them about HER.

Post # 39
Member
1441 posts
Bumble bee

@fishwoman:  This is also the girl who got engaged a month before her fiance’s sister wedding and was upset because everyone would be talking about the sisters wedding and not pay attention to that she had just gotten engaged.

 

This behavior should have been a clue to allow her to bask in the spotlight.

 

 

 

My mom is also out of town and not intersted so i’m feeling very sad that just because she’s getting married, doesn’t mean she can’t be excited for me. 

 

Like EVERYTHING has to be bigger and better than our wedding.  Which is fine by me, but he needs to stop rubbing it in! 

 

But honestly, i’m going to just take another one of my good friends. I can’t help but think she’s going to be sad when her wedding is over and she realizes she was so caught up in her own that she didn’t get to be a part of mine.

 

They’re wedding will be big and grand because their families are paying for it.  My wedding, my fiance and I are paying for so at times I do talk to my bridesmaids because i look for their advice as i’m trying to do a budget wedding.

 

I don’t mean to be too much of a keyboard analyst, but a couple of themes keep coming up and you seem upset by them.  It seems like you would appreciate more support and ‘bridal’ attention.  
 
ETA: Not that wanting others to be excited and help is a bad thing, it just seems like you’re feeling like you are on your own.

Post # 40
Member
510 posts
Busy bee

@fishwoman:  wow, what the hell is wrong with him? I’m actually quite irked about the comment.

I would just ignore the comment. The moment you respond to it, he’s just going to show it to her and things could get worse. Just ignore it 🙁

Post # 42
Member
1441 posts
Bumble bee

@fishwoman:  Yeah, ‘bridal attention’ was clumsy wording, and I tried to clarify it with the addendum, because I didn’t mean it in a negative way.  However, what you write makes it sound like you feel pretty alone in this (and maybe don’t seem exactly happy about that.) 

But honestly, i’m a very kind person to my friends, usually to a fault and when i ineviably give more of myself to them than they do to me, i’m hurt.  I just don’t understand how some people can be so self centered. 

I’m sure that’s true, and I’m thinking that your tender-heart must be broken often seeing what you must as a social worker. 

Post # 44
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I think for him to say that, she must have said something to him about it, so she obviously feels that way.

 

You two are best friends, just talk to her about it and my advie would be to suggest that since you are trying to plan both of your weddings, just do one at a time. If you go out shopping for her wedding, don’t talk about yours or try anything on for your wedding. Then, visa verca when you go out shopping for yours. You two have to share this experience together.

 

When it does come closer to her wedding, I would suggest cutting your wedding out of the conversations completely, her wedding will be the only thing on her mind so just for a few weeks beforehand, take a big break from organising your wedding (A least with her)

The topic ‘So offended by bridesmaids' fiance's text to me’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors