@fishwoman: I’m sorry you’re not getting the answers you want here. I’ve learned that it’s best to keep 2 weddings seperate.
Let me tell you a story. Perhaps it will help with perspective
My Future Sister-In-Law got engaged on christmas. Me and Fiance had been dating only a few months. She was engaged for 2 (maybe 1.5) years when we got engaged in October. Fiance (without me knowing) asked his mother if Future Sister-In-Law was planning a wedding for anytime soon. I’m not sure exactly what was said, but he told me that he told her that “It wasn’t fair for him to put his life on hold waiting for Future Sister-In-Law to get married. She had 2 years.” Future Mother-In-Law told him that a wedding was the last thing on FSIL’s mind.
So we start to plan. We tentivley pick October. Future Sister-In-Law calls us and says she’s planning a wedding for the summer. Fiance says it was “implied” that she wanted us to hold off. Fiance didn’t back down. We keep planning. No work from Future Sister-In-Law. She shays she doesn’t know when she’d be getting married. No one else knows anything about a wedding. Other sister says Future Sister-In-Law is nutty and she’s not planning a wedding. Oh well.
My work will not approve my request, but WILL approve a 10 day request in May. I ask Fiance and we accept. We instantly book venues and call family.
Future Sister-In-Law is not happy.
She says they’re planning for July. We hand’t heard anything about that. No one has. It’s news to us. Fiance is angry and says we can’t go if it’s in July. More anger. Turns out that was all smoke. No wedding date yet.
I won’t bore you with more details, but I’ve tried to stay out of the whole thing and let Fiance handle it.Trust me there have been a lot of WTF moments.
What I did hear from one of her female family memebrs was this:
“It’s been hard for her to realize that with no wedding date planned and your wedding is happening- she’s not ‘the bride’ in the spotlight anymore.”
So that fact is making Future Sister-In-Law act a bit nutty. Ok a lot nutty.
It seems like more of a personal/family issue that I don’t want to invole myself with. Even now when people tell her that she should just elope to Vegas- I know it must hurt her. That hurt makes her act irrationaly. So I just smile and nod and walk away.
Could I have had a bridal meltdown? Sure. To some it might seem like she was trying to postpone/sabotage our wedding from day one. But was it WORTH fighting over? No. Becasue when May 5th comes it WILL be all about me.
It’s so not worth fighting over.
Perhaps she just really wants some personal wedding attention and feels like she needs it but didn’t want to say anything.
tl;dr: weddings make people crazypants emotional. Let her have her moment and don’t fall into the crazypants wedding trap. It’s so not worth it.