- 7 years ago
I’ve noticed that the guys in many Bee’s stories are quick to whip out the “I’m not financially prepared” response to engagement questions, even if they’ve been with their lady for 6+ years. It seemed curious to me because once you spend several years with someone and you have no plans to leave, the obvious next step (if you both want it) is to get engaged, married, etc. It’s not a surprise. If you knew you needed to buy a car in a couple years, you’d sock money away. House – save. Any purchase outside the norm, you put money away, even if it’s as little as $10 a month. I’ve also noticed that most ladies here would be happy with a simple $300 or less ring so long as they got to be married to their SO for the rest of their lives. So…I asked my guy about it last night. I just wanted to get a male perspective. These responses are not inclusive of all relationships. Just one man’s opinion.
Question: If a guy has been dating someone for 5+ years and whips out the financial excuse is he just blowing her off/buying more time?
Answer: There’s a chance of that. Because it’s no surprise engagement is eventually coming. But if a couple had plans to be engaged by the 5 year mark and the guy suddenly gets laid off at that 5 year mark him wanting to push things back is totally legit. If money truly isn’t an issue there may be an underlying issue, like a fear of commitment.
Q: If a lady insists on a simpler ring they would be happy with for the sake of moving things along, why don’t the guys jump on the opportunity?
A: Guys get obsessed with reading between the lines sometimes and when you say you’d be happy with less than what we think you deserve we just don’t believe you. Like when you say you’re fine but you’re really not. We want to exceed expectations and come through 150% because you mean that much to us. And it’s a bit of a provider complex. We want to show you and everyone that we can provide for you in some symbolic manner.
Q: But what if you can’t afford to exceed expectations? Not everyone is well off and it’s not their fault. It’s just the way things are. Isn’t it better to come through at 60% rather than 0% because you decided you couldn’t do anything if you couldn’t do 150%?
A: I know. It doesn’t make sense. You’d think SOMETHING was better than NOTHING. But we can’t get over our obsession and need to make you happy and give you everything you deserve and more. I know couples who have gone down the alternate stone route but it does take a little effort on our part to get over that mental hurdle.
Q: If a guy has been with his partner for 5+ years and has no intention of ever leaving, why is he still so afraid of commitment in that fashion? At that point it’s just a piece of paper that will make the difference.
A: I know it sounds horrible, but knowing we don’t have that escape route if things get bad terrifies us. Even if we want to be with her for the next 30 years, just knowing that marriage takes away our escape route if things don’t work out…it’s bad, I know. But it still scares us sometimes.
I’m sure this info isn’t new to most of you but I thought I’d share anyways. Just in case. I would have asked more questions but it was the middle of the night and I had to be at work @ 530AM. My a$$ passed out soon after. Wishing you all the best of luck for the remainder of April.