(Closed) So over the waiting!

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
3587 posts
Sugar bee

I’ve got a major basis to what I want our day to look like and nothing can take shape until either a proposal has been made

I’m exactly right there! He doesn’t mind giving ideas, but I want to put the ideas into motion and not just keep talking and planning. A lady can only plan so much!LOL I’m not stir crazy, but I’m so ready for him to do this thing. Even having a outline of when doesn’t help.

Post # 4
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I really think that you need to implement Mr. Bee’s Three Step Plan and possibly take a step away from Weddingbee for a while.  Constantly bothering your boyfriend about when you are going to get engaged is going to push him further away from doing it, or it is going to push him toward giving you a ‘shut up ring’ so that you stop bothering him about getting engaged.  I don’t mean to be blunt but I really think you need to hear it (and I think you know it too).

Try to work on yourself.  Think about what you want to do with your life (work-wise, recreational activities, etc).  If you two are meant to be together, he will see that you are enjoying life and want to enjoy life with you!  Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
1390 posts
Bumble bee

@MsBrooklynA: It’s okay honey, we all get there. For me, I know the proposal is coming soon and I know the date of our wedding but I feel like I can’t talk about it and ‘really’ plan until I have that ring, especially since it’s not until May 2012! I get to the point where I just can’t even look at the stuff because I think, “by the time I can do this part, this option will probably be on closeout or discontinued!”

My favorite Not Wedding Related blogs are That Wife and Hyperbole and a Half. I have one too and while I give recaps of weddings I’ve been to, I mostly write about food, recipes, vacations, and other random crap. It’s actually how I unload some of my aggression when I get to the icky third stage.

My other advice is to get your butt into a salon chair. Get a mani/pedi and maybe color your hair or get a facial, etc. Pamper yourself and be happy about it. Read a celebrity gossip magazine instead of a bridal one. The Wii fit is a good idea too and for me, going to the gym not only gets my mind off it but releases a lot of anxiety.

Post # 7
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I know it’s tough.  We were the first in my circle of friends to get engaged and it was so tough.  Add the fact that he had the ring for a year and it was just torturing me.  I know how you just want to get it off your chest sometimes!

Post # 8
Member
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Ohh I hear ya!! I get so frustrated sometimes! He NEVER gets asked when we are getting married either, so I tend to be the one who gets it all the time!  I just try to keep myself busy… go to the gym, bake cookies, see friends and hope I have distracted myself enough!

Post # 9
Member
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Aaahh!! YES! Urghh I’ve totally been feeling this way lately. I can even relate to the feeling out of place on the Bee. For a while, I purposefully tried to limit myself to the Waiting and Ring boards, since that was all that *should* apply to me. Sometimes looking at all the other boards and seeing people get so stressed out about little wedding details makes me irritated because it’s like… you’re getting married!! Like, for sure! You have a ring and you are ON your way girl! What do you seriously have to worry about!? Lol. When really I know, of course I will go through all those little stressful things too when i have to plan the wedding.

But AsB is totally right — Mr. Bee’s plan is always the way to go when we’re feeling like this. I’m trying to do that as much as possible, but it’s hard. AND, I don’t bring up engagement like EVER unless we already happen to be talking about it (which happens maybe once every few months, since we’ve already decided when we’re getting married), but that makes things really difficult for me because now I’m at this really ambiguous “I know it’s happening but it could be any time from now to 9 months from now” stage and I don’t like it. I want him to ask me about rings. I want him to tell me I won’t have to wait too long. I want him to tell me he understands how anxious I am for it to happen and that I don’t need to worry about it.

I feel like we need to have a Waiting Board Rant-a-Thon. πŸ˜‰

Post # 10
Member
935 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Do C25K!!! That’s my latest project to keep my myself busy.

And re-reading books I haven’t read in a few years (business and personal growth topics)

And perhaps not mentioning it, per Mr Bee’s plan.

Some gals (myself included) tend to “stuff it” and not talk to their guys about this.

Some gals over-do the wedding talk. So “know thyself” πŸ™‚

XOXO

Post # 11
Member
935 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

P.S. Love the rant-a-thon idea, LOL!

Post # 12
Member
1390 posts
Bumble bee

@MsBrooklynA: I know. You reach a certain age and it’s all you ever see or hear about isn’t it? Another good one is OMG…I’m a Mom which is written by a bee, Mrs. Dumpling. She’s got a 1 year old and it’s not about weddings at all, just about her being a pretty hilarious mom and telling off stupid people in grocery stores and doctor’s offices. Always good for a chuckle.

I think I might read all of the Harry Potter’s. That movie is coming out soon and I haven’t read them in a while. That will definitely get my mind of weddings. πŸ™‚

Post # 13
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I totally know what you mean about having a hold time holding back because he’s the one you go to to talk about eeeeverything else. My SO and I are like that — and this is the one thing that I go crazy trying to hold in with him. Sometimes when I’ve got a lot built up, I feel almost like I’m lying to him by omission — that there’s something really big going on inside my head and heart, and it involves him, but I’m totally hiding it from him.  But you’re right — it’s important to remember that there are some things he doesn’t want to be hearing about. You’re not alone there.

Go crazy on that Wii!  I hope that with burning some physical energy, you’ll burn off some of the feelings as well. 

Post # 14
Member
138 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Oh my gosh, I’m so glad I FINALLY found this website and this ‘waiting’ thread! I have been going absolutely crazy and can’t really talk to anybody else about it – cause really, they’ve all heard me venting about it already – including my honey!

We’ve been together 4yrs now, and I am reaching the point where I am so sick of hearing about weddings and SO tired of everybody asking me ‘what, no ring yet?’. Cause you know, I’ve been anticipating it for over a year now. I even went with a girlfriend over a year ago to look at rings so I could tell my SO what I like.

The contributing problem is that his job will potentially move within a year or so. We have already discussed that I’m not comfortable moving without that kind of committment, and he has promised I won’t have to do that. So what the heck is he waiting for?!

It’s just so nice to have other people understand and empathize with each others situations. It so often seems like everyone else gets the happy ending and I’m just still waiting around for it…I’m glad to have you all!!

Post # 15
Member
1844 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

  I absolutely, positively hated the waiting stage. I hated it when people would ask me, “So, when are you guys getting engaged? When’s the wedding?”. It’s a question you don’t ask! It’s a step or two below someone asking a girl if she’s pregnant–you NEVER do that!

  I also hated it when people would tell me that I was silly for worrying, to just enjoy this time. Seriously!?! I don’t know anybody who enjoys being in limbo!

  My SO and I had talked about a timeline and how we saw things happening. I was told by the end of summer 2010 in July 2009. He did, thankfully, end up sticking to that timeline, but there were many times where I cycled through those first two steps. I never really hit the “uncertainty” part. However, the rejection hit me very hard. I had to make myself take a month-long break from wedding boards and I had to block some Facebook status updates from friends who were sharing every detail of wedding planning. It may seem a little immature, but it was a coping mechanism that worked for me.

  So, to sum it up…yes, I agree, the waiting absolutely, positively sucks. Looking back, I found that it really struck me when I was prone to depression (January/February…winter months with nothing much going on), as well as times where I had too much free time. The best things I did for myself were that I did things to keep myself busy. During the winter, I just kept trying to think of positive things about it.

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