(Closed) So Petty…

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
923 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

No advice, as I don’t have kids yet, but may I ask exactly why you have to follow through with grounding?  If that’s something that’s written into court papers then it’s high time to have those papers modified.  That’s unfair to you and your children.

Post # 5
Member
3942 posts
Honey bee

Stop responding to the petty emails and texts then. and why do you need to continue with the grounding for ridiculous things? I understand following through if they are grounded for a legitimate reason. But if they are grounded because their sibling is, why do you need to go along with that?

Post # 7
Member
923 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I get that, but if they are being grounded for stupid things, or because one of their siblings did something wrong (and are we talking about step-siblings too?  as in, the two kids who live at your house did nothing wrong, but are still grounded.), then grounding them at mom’s house just teaches them that mom is as unfair as dad is.  Does your ex follow through with your punishments at his house?  Would he cancel plans that he really wanted to do if you told him that they were grounded?

Post # 8
Member
3942 posts
Honey bee

ok. I see this was a vent and not actually looking for advice. Good luck.

Post # 9
Member
8446 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@jmaze:  But it’s not the same set of rules at each house.  Like you said,

“My poor kids are used to being parented 1 way, then this women moves in with her kids and then the parenting changes and they are getting confused and they don’t know what to do and what is wrong or right.”

Pretty soon, your kids aren’t really going to know why they’re being punished, which gives them no incentive to behave properly.  You don’t have to enforce someone else’s petty behavior.

Post # 11
Member
314 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

dont know what to tell you, i have the issues sometimes. except for my x tends to let my daughter run wild and do whatever she wants, shes 4 yrs old. so not really acceptable. we have 50/50 custody and by the time she comes back to my place she forgets to use manners and screams and shouts a lot which at my place is reserved for outdoors and sometimes the playroom. its very frustrating, but youre right kids need room to grow, they cant be grounded all the time. if you are grounding kids all the time, 9 times out of 10 your parents skills need work! that might be something to mention to him.. maybe he needs to take a break from pleasing his wife and focus on his kids for a min. Ive made it VERY clear to my Fiance that come hell or high waters, my kids come before my relationships with anyone else. maybe your ex should take the same approach and do what best for his kids, not his new wife. she old enough to take care of herself i hope!

Post # 13
Member
314 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Thats a shame! I know a lot of people like that. certainly makes it hard to raise kids that way. but I pride myself on being a good parent. im selfish in that sense, I want to be a proud parent of respectful, and successful children who ive taught to care about more than just themselves! You seem to have the same outlook, your kids are lucky to have you as a parent, trust me they will see the difference as they get older, just keep up with the good parenting! it take a village to raise a child, not just mom and dad, just keep yourself surrounded by good people, avoid the petty or just ignore it, youre doing well at teaching your kids, how not to be ignorant when they are older!

I bet someday your kids will be good parents too, they will know good parenting from bad parenting!

Post # 14
Member
2840 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@jmaze:  Okay, so if you have to follow through with HIS grounding of the kids at YOUR house, then shouldn’t he call and ask you to agree on whether a grounding is appropriate before dishing out the sentence?  I think you two should be agreeing on the correct discipline for your two kids before handing it out.  It’s not fair that he gets to decide to ground them all the time and then you deal with the aftermath… especially if he is grounding them for petty things when a different sort of discipline could be more appropriate.

Post # 15
Member
2863 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Well you are part of the problem if you don’t agree with how he does things, but yet you go along with it. You don’t have to respond to his texts, emails or calls. You don’t have to ground your kids because he says so. Parent how you see fit and brush him off? That and maybne a 50/50 split isn’t the best thing if your kids basically live in a doghouse when they are at his home. You are your children’s advocate so advocate for them. 

Post # 16
Member
981 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I agree that you have to be consistent at both house. If dad grounds the kids and then mom “ungrounds” them, she’s basically just undermining dad’s authority and that’s not okay. It’s not okay the other way around either. Is it possible at all to have private conversations about discipline with your ex? As for meshing the way he parents with the way his wife parents, their parenting styles have to line up in order to have a successful marriage and a happy home. Maybe you could approach them both and come to a compromise about the discipline when it comes to your kids?

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