Post # 1
SO and I are both young (21) and have been together for 5 years. I anticipate a proposal in a year or two (possibly three) and am in no rush to be engaged. However, he has dropped so many hints over the last year that I felt compelled to give my two-cents in case the proposal happens sooner than I think. After all, I want him to have some idea of what I like if he decides to do it.
I would love a 3/4 – 1 carat center stone with a beautiful setting, but I could care less if they are real diamonds. We have casually looked at rings before and the ones I like (with real diamonds) are between $3500 and $5000! I think it would be irresponsible for him to spend that much on a ring when we are so young, and that money could go towards so many better things (such as a home or the wedding itself). But he is all about “the best of the best” and refuses to get me anything but “the best diamond.”
This morning, I tried showing him side-by-side comparisons of moissy and diamonds and half the time, he couldn’t guess which was which. Regardless, he says that he will NOT get me a moissanite.
My dream ring is a gorgeous setting with a moissanite stone, but if this dream ring were to include all real diamonds, I don’t think I could wear it without feeling resentment. Bees, is there anything I can do to steer him from this thought? It is endearing how he wants me to have designer everything (Michael Kors bags, expensive jeans, diamond necklaces and earrings) but I could really care less about spending money on these things.
Any advice? I would love to show him a moissy in real life, but have no idea where I could come across one.
Post # 3
If you don’t expect he’ll propose for another few years, stop worrying about it now. Your financial situation may change by the time it happens. All you’re going to do is annoy him.. guys usually hate being badgered about a) jewelry and b) things that won’t happen for a long time.
Post # 4
@Meglin: honestly, I would let it go. The proposal is the guys thing. My Darling Husband would never imagine buying me a non-diamond. It was a non-starter. I think both parties should have some say in the ring, but if non-diamond is a non-negotiable, you should take that as is. Many guys I know would never buy a non-diamond ring. They would view it as fake and a fake expression of their feelings (regardless of how much you love it)
Post # 5
@canarydiamond: I agree with this. If the proposal isn’t on the horizon right now, don’t worry about it.
Also, when the time comes, learn to accept what he loves and wants to give to you.
Post # 6
I suppose learning to let go would serve me well in this situation. I acknowledge that I’m a control freak, though, and stress about the unknowns in my life. This is certainly one of those unkwowns and its out of my control! I just wish our views on “designer” items were a bit more aligned with one another.
Post # 7
He needs to accept your position. Doesn’t he understand why men think you need a diamond to propose? It’s bc of the marketing! The diamond industry intended for men to think they must give a diamond ring, and they wanted women to expect a diamond ring. Why is he so bull headed about playing into thst marketing scheme? Diamonds have only been a “tradition” for less than 100 yrs. Before that, men rarely even gave engagement rings.
I had to convince SO I don’t want a diamond (and it was damn hard considering he already bought me a 1.1 ct diamond thwt we’re stuck with). Your SO needs to understand that how you feel needs to be taken into account. If you don’t want a $5,000 rock on your finger, then that’s that. The engagement ring isn’t about him pleasing himself with what he got you.
Also, the cost of diamonds is not justified. Diamonds are literally stashed away in vaults by the thousands to artificially inflate the cost. There are far more diamonds than there are fingers wanting to wear them. So, they have to stash them away to reduce the supply so it is more in line with the demand.
So, basically he insists on wasting money on stones thst shouldn’t cost near what they cost, because he wants to get you the best, aka overpriced stones that are the result of incredible marketing.
If you want a relatively colorless stone that is sparkly and pretty and will prpbably last forever, then get moissanite. Don’t let him waste what will be both of your money just so he can feed his ego.
Post # 8
You have 1-3 years… I would leave him alone and see what he does. He could change his mind about the diamond once he sees the prices of diamonds!
Post # 9
@IheartUFC: it’s untrue that engagement rings themselves were rare before the early 1900s. Diamond engagement rings yes, but prior to that, they were made if other gems or were just plain gold.
OP, it sounds like you don’t have an ethical aversion to diamonds. If not, I say let him buy the diamond because it clearly makes him happy. 🙂
Post # 10
I would definitely go vintage/estate then. Beautiful rings at incredible prices. You can always have it reset so it feels “new” to you and your SO.
Post # 11
I want to give you advice without sounding like a know it all grownup but I feel like my post will come off that way. I’ve been budget conscious ever since I was about 20-years-old, and back then I couldn’t imagine being OK with Fiance spending 5k on a ring or with me spending 20k of my own money (saved b/c I’m budget consious) on one day, four hours…etc.
I actually barely thought about diamonds until I was told that I was no longer able to inherit my grandmother’s ring. It was then that I learned that Fiance really wanted to buy me one himself. (Ultimately he was going to do whatever made me happy). The ring and proposal are about the man. It’s a pride thing on their part. We did go looking so I gave him ideas. But it’s about him giving you something that in ten or twenty years he’s still going to be able to say, “I bought her that.”
Now, I totally understand people who are opposed to diamonds for moral reasons. If that’s the case, I hope a SO can understand.
Post # 12
- Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat
My husband refused Moissanite too. Contrary to what others believe, the engagement ring is for the man too. It’s a pride thing.
Post # 13
And, you’re at an age where your salaries are likely to incrase by a lot in the next few years. Hopefully the pricetag won’t seem as hefty when the time comes.
Post # 14
@Meglin: I’d let this go until you’re closer to engagement planning. A lot of guys are adamant on buying a big diamond until they realize just how expensive they are. Even if he is comfortable and ready to buy a 1 carat diamond, you can always tell him that you’d like to simultaneously work towards a financial goal together (ie – spend $5000 on e-ring once another $5000 has been saved towards the downpayment of a home).
What I would work on now is seeing eye to eye about financial priorities. You could simply tell him that saving money makes you feel more secure and happier than a new pair of Rag & Bones.
Post # 15
What I want to know: Is it important to you to have a non-diamond, or is it a preference?
Post # 16
@IheartUFC: Was it you who posted that interesting and disturbing article recently about the marketing and value of diamonds and the history of DeBeers? If so, then perhaps you could post it for this PP and she can have her SO read that! It was eye opening.