(Closed) so sad & confused

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Okay I didn’t even read your whole post. I totally stopped at the part where he pushed and choked you. GET OUT NOW AND CALL THE POLICE.

My ex fiance did the same thing to me. It was the most difficult thing I had to do to walk away from the wedding but I am so glad that I did. Once he hits you once, HE WILL DO IT AGAIN.

When I left I didn’t call the police because I was scared. That is one of my biggest regrets. Please please please get the hell out of there and report this.

Post # 4
7286 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Well its not you, its just that you don’t know any different, and perhaps due to your past you attract certain types of people so to speak.

You need to talk to someone to help you see through this fog, and realize how you should be treated and living.

Leave now! call and organization, a friend, a trusted family member and go. You never know how far things will go the next time…

Post # 5
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I agree with 

View original reply
@Legallyblondiebride.  You need to get out of there, report him to the police, and get some help for yourself to help you understand that it is NOT YOUR FAULT.

I know that it will be hard, but you deserve so much better.  There is a man out there who will treat you like a princess and never lay a hand on you.  

Post # 6
561 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I 2nd Legally.  Get out.  You may love him for a person he was but that person is no longer there.  He is now a monster.  Reread what you wrote as though you were reading someone else’s story, would you tell them to stay?  Seriously leave this pos before he does permanent damage.


As to it being a continuing reoccurring in your relationships, maybe you need to reevaluate what draws you to a person or judgement of character.  See if there are any not so healthy traits that reoccur within these people.  (I don’t know if any of that made any sense, sorry.)


Do not put the blame on yourself, it is not you.  You deserve someone who will treat you will respect, nothing less.

Post # 7
893 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Aww, so sorry to hear that.  But you do have to find the courage to do something about it.  Whether it’s calling the cops or you walking out the door, both has to come from you first.  Last, if you think that everyone’s going to treat the same way, it’s NOT true.  There are people out there that may think that way, but found their Prince Charming later and lived happily ever after.  Good luck!

Post # 8
444 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Please leave..before he does kill you the next time he gets violent.  Him choking you and wanting you to “die” is not something you should take lightly..he’s abusive and you need to get away from him NOW. Please don’t think this is your fault, no matter what happened or what you did, you didn’t deserve the abuse. If your little sister was in your shoes, you would want her out of there..you obviously have siblings who would be devastaged to know you are in this very same situation…reach out to them and get the help so you can be in a better environment. Big hugs!

Post # 9
3798 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Shoved you down and put his hands around your neck, while tell you to ‘die’? Um…go somewhere safe, now. Get out of there before another fight begins. You can figure out what to do long term once you are safe.

Post # 10
929 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - Sunset Harbour

Call the police and make sure you take pictures of the bruises. This is not over and it will happen again – get out. Now.

Post # 11
2582 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

There are few occasions where “the bees” can give a definitive response to a girl questioning her relationship – and thats when the guy has put his hands on her – and the response is LEAVE.

You know deep down that you need to, by writing what you wrote – you know you need to go – and I know it takes a ton of strength that you’re not sure you have, but you CAN do it.

Fights and rough patches are normal – calling you a bitch and being violent with you are not.

Humans tend to magnetize towards familar things – it sounds like abusive relationships are familiar to you, but it doesn’t need to stay that way. Get yourself some help, get yourself some counseling, and surround yourself with the people in your life who are good to you.

No one should ever settle for that shit, ever.  You deserve better, you just have to get to the point where you know that as well as everyone else does.

Post # 12
15133 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

shoving, bruising, CHOKING?!  Nonono, you deserve better. There ARE good men out there.  

Post # 13
2050 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@sadeyes: You need to get out of that house now. Find a friend, find a woman’s shelter, get out of there and report the incident.

I’m so sorry. I know how frightening this is as I have been in a similar situation. I was playing a game with my then ex-FI and made a mistake in first learning it. He got so angry at me he did the strangle thing you describe where his hands were around my neck, intention was there but he backed down and sobbed 10 min. later. A month after that incident we had a small civil ceremony, and months after that he punched me in the stomach, pushing me toward the bathroom and yelling at me to get in there for I don’t wanna know why; I talked him out of it and he cried to me in the hallway that he was sorry. I told him he needed to get help and that he had to initiate that and follow through with it, and I would be there to support him through it. HE NEVER DID. Months later, he was angry at me because I was wearing headphones and the music was leaking out of them anyhow. He told me I “better watch out because something would happen to you and you won’t see it coming.” 10 min. later he tried to kiss me. I asked for an apology and he just stomped off. I gathered my things to leave while he went off to take a nap. I told him I was going to a friend’s house. He tried to stop me but I got away. He yelled at me from the balcony of our apartment while I was quickly walking away on the street. He slammed the door of the balcony shut when I didn’t respond and I knew he was coming after me. I ran down the street calling 911 and a neighbor helped hide me in their foyer. Sure enough, my ex-husband drove by in his car looking for me. He was arrested, and spent the night in jail, giving me and a friend just enough time to pack my things and get me out of there.

I write all this to illustrate for you that most likely your situation will not improve and if anything it will get worse. My ex’s behavior was textbook abusive and repetitive and did not ever end until I left. Your situation sounds much like mine. Get out of there now.

I can’t tell you how many times I planned my escape route, and looking back, how ridiculous I was allowing myself to be brought to such a state. I felt like a caged animal living with him. I couldn’t understand why someone would be so angry with me when it took me that relationship to see he wasn’t angry with me, he was angry with himself.

As for him, he needs to deal with his own problems on his own terms, but you do not have to wait around for him to figure that out, nor should you. Get out now. He might improve in time, yes, but that will be a long time. Wish him well, send him off, and concentrate on healing and putting yourself first. You need to get healthy.

You need to get to a safe place and start therapy and stick with therapy to figure out why you are drawn to abusive people and relationships, and how to stop it. YOU ARE NOT DESTINED FOR THIS TORTURE. You are destined for greater things, happier things. This is your chance to go out there and grab it. This is life telling you to do so. Promise me, from one Bee sister to another? Promise yourself. 🙂 *hugs*

Post # 14
2215 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I usually don’t post “please leave” comments, but I feel like I need to echo everyone in this situation.  You need to leave!  You need to get safe!  Better to find out now then after you are married.  Good luck!  The bees are here for you.  So sorry you’re going through this.  Hugs!

Post # 15
11522 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I am so sorry you had this happen to you and that the man you love has done this to you. That is beyond terrible.

Having said that to you, I want to be VERY, VERY clear. GET OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP. IMMEDIATELY. TOTALLY. NOW.

Do NOT have second thoughts.  Do not reflect on or meditate on your FI’s good qualities.  Do not feel guilty — at ALL — about losing money (yours or anyone else’s) over wedding purchases that may have already been made.  There is not EVEN a question here. You are NOT married to this man, AND you do NOT WANT to be. Please, please, please do not try to stay in this relationship for any reason.

Post # 16
1443 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

LEAVE.  Please!!  This is NOT how you treat someone you love!  Choking, leaving bruises, and saying “die bitch!” is NOT an okay way to treat anyone!  This won’t get better.  It won’t be the last time.  It won’t be worth risking your life and safety to stay with a man who feels he has to bully you into submission.  I have a hard time even calling him a “man” when his actions scream “child throwing temper tantrum.”  Difference is, this man-child is putting your safety at real risk!

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