(Closed) so sad & confused

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@sadeyes: PLEASE keep us updated. I don’t know you, but I am worried sick over this. If you need advice or help please feel free to PM me.

Post # 33
Member
1370 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@sadeyes: ” I don’t know why I don’t want to leave though because I’m so tired of the BS. I’ve put up with people abusing me my whole life starting with my dad, then my ex-boyfriend, and now my current fiance”

THIS is why you don’t want to leave.  Beacuse it’s how you have lived, so it’s what you have been programmed to think you deserve.  Break the pattern.. Get help and get out.  Abuse is a cycle, and if you don’t step out, it continues.  You obviously recognize that it isn’t acceptable to be treated the way you were, but can’t bring yourself to trust there is better out there and the you DO deserve it. 

Beleive in yourself, and walk.  Abuse will escalate. 

Post # 34
Member
56 posts
Worker bee

I used to work in the domestic violence field.  I cannot tell you how many times I saw the woman go back because the guy said “sorry” or did nice things after the “incident”.  AND SOME OF THESE WOMEN DIED because they went back.  DO NOT GO BACK TO HIM!! DO NOT ACCEPT AN APOLOGY. DO NOT FALL FOR HIS NICENESS afterwards.  DO NOT ALLOW HIM TO BLAME YOU OR BLAME ALCOHOL IF HE HAD BEEN DRINKING.  People get pissed off at people all the time and we don’t choke them and tell them to “die”. IT is NOT OKAY.

You deserve better.  It is not your fault.  You absolutely did not cause him to act that way no matter what was said in yall’s argument.

PLEASE CARE ENOUGH ABOUT YOURSELF TO LEAVE THIS TIME!  AND DO NOT blame yourself for falling for this guy.  Abusers are great manipulators. They can be charming and sweet.  That is why girls fall for them. 

You are deserving a wonderful, healthy relationship.  Yes, please keep us updated.

Post # 35
Member
2031 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

This has been said, but I have to say it again GET OUT NOW.  I’m so so so sorry that you’re dealing with this, and that you thought you found a good guy.  Men like this are very good at lying, and can fool anyone into thinking they’re perfect until they get to the point where the truth comes out.  It is NOT your fault, nothing you could ever say or do could ever deserve what he did to you.  Take a picture of the bruise and immediately bring it to the police and file a report with a restraining order.  PLEASE.  We’re here to listen and help you get through this, but you need to leave before he hurts you again and worse.  Don’t be ashamed of this, you did NOTHING wrong.  He should feel shame, not you.  

Post # 36
Member
2814 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I echo the other girls.  Leave ASAP.  His behavior will likely escalate.  You deserve so much better.  

Post # 37
Member
7605 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Sorry to echo, but it’s time to leave.  You CAN do it, and things WILL get better.  It’s worth it for you to just be “wrong” about this guy.  The right thing to do is leave immediately.  I promise you, he is not as good as it gets.

Post # 39
Member
415 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’d hazard a guess that he turned out to be the same way because you have more healing to do from your earlier abuse (not blaming her at all, just saying she would have run for the hills at the first sign of this otherwise).  Once you do get out of there, find a good counseler (if you haven’t already) who is experienced with domestic violence.  The good news is, you have a chance to break this cycle for your children if you want to!  My mom broke the tradition of abuse she got from her mother, and it’s a wonderful accomplishment.

Post # 40
Member
4801 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I am so sorry you’re going through this, especially when it seems it has happened so many times betwen him and your dad and your ex. Of course it is not your fault, but many girls who have been abused are subconsciously drawn towards guys who end up being that way. Please, please, please leave this abuser and get yourself into counseling to help yourself heal and to figure out how to find a guy that you can have a healthy relationship with.

Post # 41
Member
384 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

I haven’t read any of the replys to this, but I live with an abusive ex for 4 years, he almost killed me twice, the only reason I am alive today is because of my current SO, who was the only friend who could actually see that my relationship was killing me. You cannot stay with this person, he will kill you, weather it is literally or emotional, it will destroy you.

Whatever excuses you are making for this person to make this situation ok in you mind is wrong. NO ONE EVERY HAS THE RIGHT TO LAY HANDS ON YOU. Please leave, please you do not deserve to be treated like this. You are strong enough, you may not know it yet but you are strong enough.

Post # 42
Member
2152 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Ok, I used to work in a women’s shelter for domestic violence.  People have come to that shelter for things far less intense than what you’ve been through!  You really, really need to address this soon!! There are shelters all around you that work to keep their location top secret so that he can’t find you if you run.  This is not a healthy situation for you. 

If you can’t bring yourself to leave right now, at least contact family services. They can put you in touch with counselors (for him or for you – you may consider this as you need to see you don’t deserve this), or shelters or even public funding to help you move if you do decide to leave.  And also, that way someone will know your situation but they won’t tell anyone.  If you go missing though, or mysteriously break an arm, they will know and will be able to something if you can’t.

Post # 43
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

LEAVE HIM, no one deserves to be treated like that, be strong,dear!

Post # 44
Member
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

It’s time to go.

Post # 45
Member
964 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Honey, if he puts his hands on you once, he will do it again.  Get yourself into counseling, not couples counseling but counseling for yourself,  to help you understand your worth so you can get out of that situation.  You don’t want to start a family with this man because the kids will suffer from the abuse as well.  PLEASE GET COUNSELING.  HUGS

Post # 46
Member
878 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I really think you need to get yourself out.  There is no excuse for violence whether it be only threatened or otherwise.

How many times will he threaten before it actually happens?  I just watched a girl I went to highschool with have her arm snapped at the elbow after being married to a man who threatened for 15 years.  One night he snapped.  She is right now still in hospital, and he blames her for the injuries for breaking his heart.

Get out, and find yourself a safer and happier place to be!!!!  There is no excuse for physical violence!!

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