(Closed) So sad :(

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4653 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Have you told your dad that Fi’s Parents would be paying for this extra people? I dont see why your dad wouldnt be ok with that if his money wouldnt be having to pay for the “extra” guests… 

Post # 4
Member
273 posts
Helper bee

I dont get it, why dont YOU pay for the extra guests?!

Post # 5
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

So my dad randomly picked a number of guests and will not let us invite a single person more than that

im not saying i agree with your dad but having tried (and failed) to plan a wedding i can understand where your dad is coming from.  he is giving you money for you to have your wedding so for him to see so many more people to be fed on your FI’s side he might be feeling like he is being taken advantage of.  the wedding is for you, not for you to let your FI’s take over with no appreciation to your dads financial contribution – not saying this is what is happening but he might be feeling it

tell your dad that you are capping the numbers and any over your FIL’s will be paying for the extra – hopefully his reaction will be better

Post # 6
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Well, that’s what happens when you accept financial help for your wedding, there are conditions attached. Want to have a wedding on your own terms, pay for it all yourself. There has to be some sort of limit on how many people he’s paying for when he’s already being so generous.

Post # 7
Member
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I agree with P.P.  or cut somethings out of your budget if you want to invite more people.

Post # 9
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m sorry.  I don’t know what advice I could even attempt to offer.  It does sound like this is more than money since your FI’s parents were more than willing to help pay.  This is always going to happen with parents and wedding planning.  The only advice I can tell you is to try and be as respectful as possible, even when disagreeing.  Who is paying for your medical school?  Loans or your parents?  I’m sure you have little time to make money (much less plan a wedding!), but splitting up costs tends to help limit the conditions set by sets of parents.  For instance, my mom is paying for one thing and I’m letting her be as opinionated as she wants and do whatever she wants, because she has this idea on how she thinks that will work best for us.  Other things that she isn’t paying for, well she has less say.  Is there a way your parents could pay for other things and your FI’s parents pay for catering?  Even on a loan?  It’s a thought (that maybe you haven’t already thought of?).  But, again, I agree that it sounds like it’s more than money for each guest.  Maybe they don’t want to be overwhelmed with your FI’s family?  Or maybe they aren’t ready for you to get married?  

Good luck, though.  All the best, my darling fellow bride. 🙂

Post # 10
Member
5881 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

You are an adult and he is acting like a child. Tell him that you understand that he isn’t happy with you getting married, but you *are* getting married. He has 2 choices, 1) accept Father-In-Law help to pay for their half or 2) pay the deposits while you cancel the weddding and go off and elope.

It’s not fair that FI’s family can’t attend because your Dad doesn’t want to share the bill. In fact ask your venue if you can have 2 separate bills, one that your Dad gets with his cap and the other with your FIL’s people.

 

Post # 11
Member
7394 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I don’t understand. Your a year away why can’t you simply pay for your additional guests? Why do you need to run this by your dad? How is upset about it if your FI’s family is doing the right thing with offering to cover their portion? But like Katy said if these are conditions then either suck it up, or pay him back and have the wedding that represents you both.

Post # 13
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

It sounds like your Dad feels taken advantage of.  He offered a huge gift of paying for your wedding, paid the downpayments, and now, three months before the wedding,  is getting told his gift isn’t good enough.  I’d be hurt too.

Why not take the amount of guests, divide it 40% for each family and 20% for your friends, and be done with it?

Or, if FI’s family really does want more guests, have them pay for the wedding, and your parents can give you their money as a downpayment for a house or honeymoon?

(I’m always annoyed when people offer to pay for their “extra” guests.  Either take the original generosity offered, or offer to pay for all of your guests. Why should the original host have to pay for any part of their side if they don’t think the offer is good enough.)

 

Post # 14
Member
46 posts
Newbee

Its your wedding, why is it up to your dad?? If you cannot afford the extra guests and you really want them, it sounds like you may have to hold off on the wedding until you can. Sounds like your dad wants things to be even since he is footing the bill

Post # 15
Member
40 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

That’s a super tough situation! Sorry! If it helps, a firend recently had the same situation for their wedding and this is what they did.

Family/close friends only wedding/reception. They ONLY were able to invite their family and a few very close friends. Then, they held a party after the reception that they invited everyone too. They called up a huge restaurant/bar that had a dance floor and asked if it was ok, first. So essentially, they had 2 receptions, but the second one was free. 🙂 It worked out very well, and honestly, friends are so much more understanding in wedding hiccups than family is that they were actually relieved at how well everyone took it and how many people showed up to the second reception. 

I know it’s less than ideal, but it’s just a thought. Good luck!

Post # 16
Member
84 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m confused. I understand your parents are paying for the wedding, but are they actually planning the wedding? They can say that they won’t pay for any more than a certain number, but if they’re not the ones making up the guest list and sending out the invites, then how can they have the final say?

If I was in this situation, then I would certainly invite everyone from their side of the family, but sort out the rest of the guest list myself. Especially since you already have the support of your Future In-Laws to pay for the rest.

Not to say that this is the best solution, but I certainly wouldn’t let my parents put their foot down on the guest list whether they were paying or not.

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